Stressed by gatherings at Christmas? Do the dishes!

While I in no way want to ignore those who feel the holidays keenly because of loneliness, I have been very focused recently on the strains of gatherings. This year is going to be quiet. And honestly, I am longing for that. (If you are facing time alone and are not looking forward to it, please message me!)

Most years we host a Thanksgiving or Christmas family gathering. And like most gatherings, it is great - and stressful! Having lots of people in the house, lots of good food (for which we are all grateful and recognize that we are fortunate to have it), people who don't see each other all that often getting together, sometimes a little too much imbibing and so on.

For introverts, a few days with our most special people can still feel exhausting. We want to love every moment, to savor them and at the same time, we are longing for peace and quiet.

Develop a personal (and private) ritual

Of course, we have all the rituals that our traditions entail depending on what holiday we are celebrating. Some rituals are religious, some are a family tradition, some noone can quite remember the origin but they linger anyway! As you are incorporating the group rituals into your gatherings, remember it can be helpful to develop a personal private ritual to ensure that you have the alone time that you need - even if it is only a few minutes a day.

Some people find that it is helpful to explain that they have a meditation practice or an exercise routine that will be staying around for the holidays. Set it up as a tradition early on and noone will bat an eyelid! Or maybe you can be clear upfront that you will be taking a nap on Christmas afternoon or that others need to be out of the house for an hour each day. Of course, having a dog helps - you can either take the dog for a walk or send others out to walk the dog!

A favorite routine for me

Not a huge fan of washing up at most times of the year, gatherings are a time when I LOVE cleanup. As soon as dinner is done, I get people to leave the table taking their drinks, chatter, disagreements and general boisterousness with them. If someone offers to help, I politely decline and say, "actually this is my quiet time and I love for people to enjoy themselves while I clean up". From time to time there is a fellow introvert willing to wrestle me for the right to clean up, and if they are willing to participate in friendly silence, they are invited to join me. If it is someone who feels obligated to offer, I am quick to reinforce that I ENJOY this part!

Then I methodically clear the table, pack up leftovers so that my guests can find them for a midnight feast, and I begin to wash and dry, wash and dry. I even try to minimize my use of the dishwasher and instead hand wash much of the stuff - we are usually using all the awkward dishes and implements that don't readily fit in the dishwasher anyway. After I dry, I put everything away. I have even been known to discover a kitchen cupboard that needs rearranging and do that too!

Depending on the size of the gathering, clean up can take a couple of hours. I have a friend who says with careful planning she can make clean up last until the next meal!

This clean up combines mindfulness with my strengths of appreciation (for the texture of the dishes, the magic of electricity, the fact that we have clean running water), gratitude (for the food, family, friends and short respite!), the self-regulation and perspective of tempering my emotions and focusing on a task that I don't usually value. I am also practicing social and emotional intelligence by balancing my wish for quiet time and privacy with my guests' wishes for community and together time.

Choose ahead of time

So as we go into this season of gathering stress, think about what opportunities there will be for you to claim your space. It might be washing up, making the beds, walking the dog. But choose ahead of time so you know you have downtime to rely on!

And think about your #characterstrengths too. Which ones can you lean on to help you navigate the ups and downs of the season? Not sure what your character strengths are? Check them out here:

And when all else fails, follow the example of our dogs who will take a timeout wherever and whenever they want to!

Photo by James Padolsey on Unsplash

Ruth Pearce is a coach, speaker, author and trainer who focuses on bringing Social Intelligence and Mindfulness to her colleagues in project management. Ruth still works part-time as a project manager and loves it! Ruth's work integrates mindfulness, character strengths, basic neuro- and behavioral science into project management to help project managers do, be and feel better!

To find out more about how to integrate positive psychology into project management, get her book Be a Project Motivator: Unlock the Secrets of Strengths-Based Project Management