Stress is a Response

Last evening while I was having my cup of tea, when my wife mentioned to me that one of our nephews was coming to Bangalore in the third week of April and asked If I was travelling during those dates. She continued to tell me that another of our nephew called as well and wanted to speak to us as the work pressure at office was high and increasing.

That set me thinking and my Instant response to her was that he needs to mange the situations/ events/ people who create these pressure points. Easier said than done was my insight in a flash and that took me many decades back to understand PRESSURE through my own experiences.

I was one of the four siblings. My elder sister and my younger brother were gold medallist at school and universities. My father always wanted me and my other sister to emulate them. It was probably beyond his expectation to understand that each one of us is different and have different interests and prefer to spend our energies in different patterns. ?

As we grew up and entered university, we faced pressure from friends and relatives and their friends. I was 17 and was visiting Delhi during vacations. My cousin and his friends offered me a cigarette and when I said I do not smoke they mocked me and said “boy from Bombay and you don’t smoke” nobody believes you. I do not know what overcame me, probably some kind of defiance I took a puff, coughed and it was a long twenty plus years before I could quit the habit.

To gain admission into a good B school the pressure to show that you are better than every other candidate was insane. The examiners I think enjoyed ( in a funny way) to see how we were ready to kill every other person in the room.? Graduating from B school was yet another pressure cooker point. Getting an Interview on Day zero and if it was your dream company the pressure not to fail and secure the job. Then come the comparison of starting salaries etc, etc.? If you think that post B school days this would change, well it did change. Now the comparison was, Batch parity from every other B school in the country. In those days Area Sales Managers from Nestle were given cars and we were on our two wheelers.? Can you imagine the scene in the market when both are parking their vehicles next to each other. (Ha Ha Ha)

All through our career each one of us has gone through these pressure points and yet some were happy while most survived. As we matured, we learnt to handle these pressures and lived with it. I remember a friend suggesting that the way to handle pressure is not to Take pressure on self but to transfer it to others. My way of handling most pressure situations was to be authentic and lay the pros and cons on the table, and then follow the strategy that is suggested by the boss or the board.

When I was helping some startups, I witnessed a strange Pressure that most of these people faced. They never spoke of it, but deep down it was to work in a startup, gain some knowledge, some new ideas, identify gaps in the environment and launch your own startup. To me it was peer pressure, with friends it was that new found status - I am on my startup journey.

With fellow retired men (not seen much in women) there was a strange pressure to continue earning money on a regular basis, that made men feel that they were still productive in life. Another pressure point which is see as a trend is giving back to society. I need to be seen as doing something meaningful for society / business and therefore I need to ..... ???You do not have to do any of the above, all you need is to be your authentic self, and identify your safety valve. Keep yourself mentally agile and physically active and present in the moment.

My so-called mantra was a gift from Dr. Rui Fernandes, a very well-known skin specialist who practised in Mumbai in the 1990’s. I had developed a skin issue a white circular patch on my face. It appeared white as my facial hair had stopped growing. The doctor examined me thoroughly and then sat back and asked me a question which I did not expect from a doctor. “What has changed in your life in the last three months”?? Finally, it came to my job, (The toxic one, which I have written about in my earlier post). He said I will prescribe an ointment for you but let me tell you it will not work. I asked him what would? He said you need to push back in a nice way, learn to say no, it helps to say no to what you do not agree with. Focus on your strengths, what is important for the company and yourself, and yes remember that your team mates should not have to undergo the same stress that you are experiencing.? I said Doc this sounds easy but.... He said the other alternative is to go to the top of a mountain and yell at the top of your voice and tell the world to go mind their own business.

Tell me how do you manage the stress others / society / organisations create in their environment.

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