Stress Is My Frenemy: How I Learned to Stop Fighting It and Started Using It

Stress and I have been in a long-term relationship—complicated, intense, and full of drama. If stress were a person, it would be that friend who barges into your house uninvited, critiques your decor, and eats all your snacks, leaving you drained and wondering why you let them in. But here’s the thing: stress isn’t the enemy. It’s just a misunderstood friend who’s trying (and often failing) to be helpful.

Let me tell you how I stopped fighting stress and started putting it to work.

Stress: The Overzealous Friend Who Means Well

Stress has good intentions, I promise. It’s like that one friend who texts you ten times when you’re five minutes late, panicking that you’ve been kidnapped. Annoying? Yes. But their heart is (mostly) in the right place. Stress evolved to keep us alive, after all. It’s the body’s way of saying, “Hey, something needs your attention!” back when “something” was a saber-toothed tiger.

The problem is, stress hasn’t updated its operating system in a while. In today’s world, it interprets an overflowing inbox or a late-night text from your boss as a life-threatening situation. Stress hits the panic button, flooding your body with adrenaline and cortisol. You feel the tension, the racing heart, and that nagging voice saying, “You’re not doing enough!”

Why Fighting Stress Doesn’t Work

For years, I treated stress like an arch-nemesis. I tried yoga, meditation apps, and even stress balls (which only served to stress me out when I inevitably lost them). But the more I tried to eliminate stress, the more it seemed to dig in its heels. That’s when I realized: fighting stress is like arguing with a toddler—it just gets louder.

Stress doesn’t need to be banished; it needs boundaries. When managed correctly, stress can actually be your greatest ally.

Rewriting the Relationship: How to Make Stress Work for You

Here’s how I transformed stress from a chaotic roommate into a surprisingly reliable sidekick:

1. Start the Conversation (Yes, With Stress): Picture stress as an overexcited friend. Instead of screaming, “Leave me alone!” try asking, “What’s up?” Stress often signals something important. Maybe it’s a deadline or a tough conversation you’ve been avoiding. Identifying the root cause gives you clarity—and a starting point.
2. Set Clear Boundaries: Stress thrives on chaos. If your to-do list looks like a novel, stress will happily narrate it at 3 a.m. Break tasks into smaller, manageable pieces and prioritize. This tells stress, “I’ve got this,” and calms its overreactive tendencies.
3. Channel Stress Into Focus: Ever notice how a bit of stress can push you into action? That’s called eustress—the good kind of stress. Use it as fuel. When you feel stress building, instead of spiraling, direct that energy toward the task at hand. Take a deep breath, focus on one thing, and let stress motivate you to power through.
4. Take Scheduled Breaks: Stress hates downtime, but you need it. Build in breaks to reset your mind and body. A 10-minute walk, a quick meditation, or even blasting your favorite song can recharge your energy and remind stress it doesn’t run the show.
5. Celebrate Small Wins: Stress loves to dwell on what’s not done. Flip the script by acknowledging what you’ve accomplished. Finished one email in a mountain of 50? Celebrate it. Progress, no matter how small, keeps stress from stealing your momentum.

What I Learned: Stress Isn’t the Villain

Here’s the surprising truth: stress isn’t here to ruin your life. It’s here to make sure you live it—to remind you of what matters and nudge you into action. The key is to stop letting stress steer the ship and start treating it like the overenthusiastic navigator it is.

Yes, stress can be overwhelming at times, but when you set boundaries and take control, it becomes less of a frenemy and more of a helpful (if occasionally annoying) ally.

Closing Thoughts

If you’re constantly at odds with stress, remember this: it’s not about eliminating stress entirely—it’s about managing it wisely. By listening to what stress is trying to tell you, setting boundaries, and channeling its energy, you can turn it into a tool for growth instead of a source of frustration.

So, the next time stress shows up uninvited, don’t slam the door. Instead, invite it in, set some ground rules, and put it to work. You just might find that your overzealous frenemy can be a pretty great teammate after all.