The Stress of Changing Manager, and Why It Does Not Have To Be This Way

I have not had regular use of a car for several years.

I do not need one on a regular basis, and it would make no financial sense to own one.

Instead, I hire a car for the occasional trip away that I make.

There are pros and cons to this.

A big advantage is that I always get an almost new car, and one far more expensive than I could ever afford to buy and run.

The biggest problem for me is that I almost have to start learning to drive again because each car is so different.

I now make myself sit in the car park of the rental agency for some time before pulling off, making sure that I know exactly where all the controls are.

I once drove straight off and found myself with heavily misted windows on a dark, rainy morning on a busy road and with no idea where the ventilation controls were!

I will not be making that mistake again.

A Voyage Into the Unknown

But if driving a new car is hard, what scares me much more is the news that I am to have a new manager.

Unless it is someone that I know and am comfortable with, my anxiety immediately goes through the roof at this news.

Because while changing manager is always a voyage into the unknown, it can be even more stressful when you are different, as I am.

There are 2 aspects to managing the change.

Firstly, there is an element of education.

When I start working for a new manager, I have to explain that I am autistic and ADHD, how this affects me, and that I work in quite a different way to most people.

For example, if I have more than 2 or 3 hours of calls in a day, I will be exhausted for the rest of that day and probably into tomorrow as well.

I would much rather work by email and teams chat, and if we must have a call it really helps me to have anything asked of me confirmed in writing afterwards.

I work in bursts rather than at a steady rate, and I really struggle with noise.

They are not big asks (I don’t think so anyway!)

But the prospect of starting this process again feel exhausting before it begins.

Even if the new manager has experience with neurodivergence, I still have to go through much of the process, because we are all different, and our neurodivergence impacts us in different ways.

High Anxiety!

Then there is the fear factor.

My previous manager may not have been perfect, but I probably had got into a manageable, steady state relationship with them (and to be fair, the last few managers that I have had have all been very good to me).

You never know what you are going to get when you change manager.

I realise that this applies to everyone, but you somehow feel more exposed when you have differences that need to be explained.

Unfortunately, there are still plenty of bad managers around, who do not feel that they should have all this “woke nonsense” forced on them.

Perhaps if we stopped telling people that we are all leaders, it might be easier to ensure that people who have no business having authority over others were never put in that position?

But that is an argument for another day!

In a big organisation, there is a good chance that you have never heard of your new manager, let alone met them or know anything about them.

So it is scary.

Whenever my manager changes, I mentally prepare myself for the prospect of having to find a new job very quickly.

I have tried to endure bad managers and bullies in the past.

These days I suspect that my mouth would quickly get the better of me, and that would not end well for anyone!

You cannot underestimate the impact that a good or bad manager can have on someone’s working life.

In a recent chat with my current manager about future work, I explained that I am now much more concerned about who I am working for than what I am working on.

As long as I stay in the general area that matches my skills and abilities, the subject matter I deal with is much less significant than the person I have to work with and for.

Surely It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way?

I am also a manager, so what lessons can I draw from my own experience as managed person?

Firstly, I always try to treat those that I manage with respect and kindness.

This does not seem to be difficult to either do or recognise as good practice, yet some still seem to fail spectacularly.

The people that I manage are human beings with lives outside work, career aspirations, and hopes and fears.

They are not simply tools available for me to use to progress my own career.

Secondly, conscious of the amount of things that I now need to tell my own manager when I start working for them, I always make the effort to ask people what I need to know about them a their manager.

It is not about prying or asking them to reveal all their secrets.

It is about understanding their situation and aspirations so that I can best support them.

Management works best when we work together to make best use of our respective strengths to reach the goals set for us.

Changing manager at regular intervals is an inevitable part of corporate life.

I changed manager 4 times in 12 months not so long ago.

But I think that by recognising how scary this can be for those whose manager is changing and trying to make the transition as easy as possible for them, a lot of stress and anxiety can be avoided.

Just as having a new manager is a trip into the unknown, having new people to manage is also a voyage of discovery.

But the key difference is that ultimately the manager is in the more powerful position, though I prefer to think of it as being responsible for that person rather than having authority over them.

I know that I have a very different view of leadership and management from many others.

But I cannot move on from believing that kindness and respect should be at the heart of how we treat those who we manage.

Managing others can be difficult, but I have also found it to be one of the most rewarding things I have done in my working life.

I am far happier celebrating a victory or promotion for someone that I manage than I am in marking a personal success.

So if you are about to change manager, my advice to you is to be open from the start.

Consider what you would need to know about yourself if you were your own manager.

If you are about to become someone’s manager, try to remember how scary this can be, and do what you can to make it easier.

It really can make a world of difference.