Stress Can Kill You

Stress can kill you. It almost killed me. I’m now a therapist, but just two years ago, I had a whole other life. I was working as a consultant at a corporate plastic surgery company. Covid had just hit, and we were all coming to work after the national lock-downs, wearing plastic face shields and masks, while continuing to work as if nothing had changed. As so many of you know, working during this time was terrifying. No one really knew much about “the C” yet, and everyone was getting through one day at a time. (This isn’t a post about Covid by the way, but more about the stress and PTSD I believe we all, and our nation, experienced during that time; stress that affected our workplaces, and our bodies, and still does. Stress that may have caused even more lasting long-term, mental health harm).

Oddly enough, during Covid, the surgical healthcare company I worked at then, got busier. I think people were working from home, choosing elective medical procedures they normally wouldn’t, since they could heal in private. Our company was busy, working us longer hours than usual. I ended up traveling all over the Midwest to do sales: I was on flights or driving cars for hours, to go meet clients at regional offices. Since traveling was presented as dangerous, this added to my anxiety, stress, and fatigue. Plus I was working 12 hour days and coming home to collapse in exhaustion.

While my sales numbers were great, I wasn’t feeling any happier. In fact, my body began to show the stress I was ignoring. For the first time in my life, I began to have panic attacks. They just suddenly started happening. Has that ever happened to you? I sure hope not, because they are terrifying! My first attack was at work in my office in Kansas City. I was in the middle of a consult with a patient and his wife, and my lungs felt like they were freezing up, while my heart started racing so badly, I thought I was having a heart attack. I said, “Can you guys give me a minute?” I ran into my office thinking I was having a stroke. I was hyperventilating and had to lie on the floor for the room to stop spinning.

After four more attacks like this, several while driving, one while working out of town, and many visits to local and out of town ERs, I went to my family Doctor to be checked out. He listened to my story, and he took it very seriously. Thank goodness he didn’t say, “These are just panic attacks, you’ll be fine.” No, he sat down in a serious way, and took a deep breath and then said, “You know Kirsten, stress can literally kill you. It will kill you.” I started to tear up. He continued, “I heard about a patient last year who was workings such long hours, he fell asleep at the wheel and drove off the road and died.” I was speechless. I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open. He said, “You need to change your life. I mean it.” He suggested I work fewer hours, and go to a therapist. But after the visit, I sat in my car in the parking lot of his office, frozen with fear. Something was terribly wrong with me, with my body, and my life, and I had no idea what to do or how to feel better. I didn’t know, because my problems didn’t feel like they were related to my mental health. This felt physical. But they were. And it was. I didn’t know then that the brain and body are entirely connected.

This story is already too long, so I appreciate if you’re still reading. I just want to help people learn from my experience. In 2021, before I quit my job, or went back to school (at the age of 56), I took charge of my life. I give my husband so much credit, because he totally supported me while I did this. I went to an Intensive Outpatient Anxiety Program for 5 weeks, for my serious stress, anxiety, and panic problems. I learned that panic attacks come from your nervous system being in a constant state of fear of danger. They are caused by your body trying to get ready to deal with a threat. I started going to therapy once a week, therapy that saved me! I did EMDR therapy with a professional, where I learned I had PTSD, and all my driving and the covid stress, was triggering ?trauma in my body, from a past motorcycle accident I’d had 25 years ago. I learned how to slow way down.

It’s my feeling our country is facing a kind of nation-wide PTSD from what we all went through in the last few years: not just covid, but also the weird political divide that creates such emotional discord among family members. Add to this stress, working a job/career hat expects constant attention to, “meeting the sales goals, figuring out the numbers, meeting impossible deadlines, inconsistent leadership, seeing just one more client, taking just one more flight, working through lunch, checking emails and texts all night long, getting into the office one more hour early, staying one more hour later…” It’s too much. Your body will just say start to say no. Something has to change. If your company, local government, partner, family, or labor union, doesn’t have your back, then you need to start changing things yourself. You can do it.

Listen to your body. I mean it. It is trying to tell you something. If you find yourself angry all the time, exhausted, feeling wired for no reason, disconnected to family, drinking way too much coffee or wine, chewing Nicorette constantly, shutting out your old friends, addicted to mind numbing scrolling, yelling at your kids or spouse for no reason, or constantly spinning as if you’re always late for something, take note. If your body feels dizzy, weird, if you’re unsteady suddenly, falling a lot, or you feel breathless with a rapid heartbeat, take note. Get help!

Getting better is possible. It can happen one step at a time. Say no to others. Push back. If you can’t change your hours, your boss, or your job, there are other options. But you can feel better. Maybe you need to get angry, that sometimes helps. Stand up for your body and your life. Maybe you can say no to that extra “TPS report” like in the movie, “Office Space.” Or maybe you can push back a bit on that extra sales trip. Or maybe you can actually take that long weekend off and do absolutely nothing.

Rest. Feel. Heal. We are not robots. Our bodies are fragile, unique, things. They talk to us, but we don’t always listen. They are strong and wonderful, but they also get tired and need rest. If you listen to your body, your nervous system, your inner gut, you can and will heal. But you must listen. Two of the best books I’ve read on stress and trauma are: Van der Kolk’s, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in Healing of Trauma,” and Mate’s, “When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress.” Wishing everyone love and patience to get through life with more ease. Together, we can and will make America healthy.

Kirsten Tretbar, MS, TLMFT, is a Psychotherapist and Writer, who specializes in Trauma and Neurodivergence. Based in Kansas City, she can be contacted through: tretbartherapy.com