Strength is not synonymous with invulnerability

Sam Fischer’s song Carry It Well encapsulates in just a few lyrics the silent hurt and burdens many of us hold inside – often invisible to those around us. He sings "Just because I carry it well, doesn't mean it isn't heavy, and I don't need some help," which will likely resonate with anyone who has struggled with poor mental health and done their best to mask it.

There’s a common misconception I’ve observed (and at times lived) – that those who appear strong and composed on the outside are coping fine. Unfortunately, we (men especially) have been socialised to hide emotional distress and internalise all our struggles. The calm and collected exterior can often mask intense personal battles. The result? Too many of us not feeling like we can reach out for help when we need it.

But the ability to manage or mask our struggles does not lessen our burden. Strength is not synonymous with invulnerability!

The song continues: "I know I keep it locked down, but all I want now, is somebody who can tell me how it's gonna turn out." This rings true for me. What I would give to know that current challenges I face will have a positive outcome, that someone could tell me this with certainty.

Even the most resilient person needs a support system during times of crisis. Regardless of how strong we appear, having someone close to share the journey with, to offer a listening ear and a comforting presence may be what gets us through the tough times. But how many of us actually reach out for help? How many of us let our guard down? And how many of us see someone struggling and offer our support?

Whether at work or home, encouraging open, courageous conversations about mental health can create a space where everyone feels seen and supported. If you look a little deeper than what you see on the surface you will often observe changes in behaviour, mood, or performance – clues to the personal battles being fought. Don’t just ignore it. Talk to them, ask them how they’re doing.

In my experience, many struggle with how to start these conversations, fearing they might say the wrong thing or make the situation worse. However, learning to talk about mental health in a sensitive and informed manner can break down barriers, reduce the stigma, and even save lives. Often the best thing you can do is listen actively, offer validation, provide reassurance, and help them find the help they need.

Phrases like "I'm here for you," "This is clearly a tough time for you, it's okay to feel this way," and "How can I support you?" can make a significant difference. If you’ve observed changes, ask if they have noticed them too. Encourage them to express their feelings and offer your support.

Those of us who have navigated challenging times can lead the way in creating environments that support mental health and wellbeing. Sharing our stories and being open about our struggles can help normalise conversations about mental health, creating safe spaces. This can inspire others to seek help when they need it, rather than leaving it bottled inside.

Regardless of outward appearances, any one of us might be battling invisible hardships. How many of us are carrying emotional and mental weight right now and could benefit from reaching out for help? ‘Carrying it well’ does not mean we have to carry it alone.

Together, let’s redefine strength as the courage to seek support and offer it to others in times of need.