The Strength of Our Inadequacy

Have you ever felt inadequate, unprepared, and/or unqualified? That’s a good place to be! Why? Because it creates humility and frees us to see the unique value others bring. And we’re reminded of our unique value as a member of a broader team. These were my realizations after a traumatic event two weeks ago…

The Story

On a rainy Saturday afternoon, I found myself at the grocery store. Again. The first time was to pick up some soup for my wife who wasn't feeling well. But when I got home she apologized profusely because she forgot she needed applesauce. So I repeated the ten minute trip to pick up some applesauce.

The rain had just stopped when I came out of the grocery store. Avoiding puddles, I walked past an elderly couple packing their grocery bags in the back of their SUV. I hopped into my car, tossed the six pack of applesauce into the passenger seat, and started the car. Glancing up before shifting into gear, I watched the elderly gentleman lift the last bag out of the grocery cart and turn to put it into their vehicle. Then the empty grocery cart started to drift away from him.

I reached for my door handle, thinking I’d grab the cart before it hit a car. But before I could open my door, he glanced over at the moving cart, turned and started moving toward the cart. I immediately knew something wasn’t right. His movements looked very much like the shuffling of someone with Parkinson’s. His torso was leaning forward, off balance, his arms dangling at his sides. It happened so fast, yet so slow… like time stood still for a few moments. My heart sank as my brain registered what was about to happen. And there was nothing I could do.

He lurched forward, completely lost his balance, and slammed face first into the wet macadam. (I literally cringe as I write this... It still plays through my mind at random times).

Throwing open the car door, I jumped out and ran over to him. His wife was close by and made it to him before I did. He was conscious and groaning and she was attempting to help him up. He turned on his side and I immediately saw a gash on his forehead that was bleeding profusely. I ran back to my car and grabbed a handful of napkins from the glove compartment — the little first aid kit with some band aids wasn’t going to be helpful.

He was propped up on one elbow when I got back to him and I pressed the napkins against the gash in his forehead. But blood continued to run down his face and drip onto his shirt and the ground. Looking closer at his face, I realized he had a large gash across the bridge of his nose and that there was blood streaming out of his nostrils. My handful of napkins was no match for this dire situation. Using my free hand, I reached into my pocket for my phone. It wasn't there!! I must've left it in the car. At that very moment, a man appeared holding a red first aid bag. Kneeling down, he opened the bag, pulled on gloves and took over. Then a car pulled up next to us. The young lady who was driving asked, "Should we call 911?"

We said yes and the passenger, who I later found out was her mom, got on her phone to call 911. After parking the car, the young lady marched right over to the elderly gentleman lying on the wet parking lot and sat down in a puddle behind him. I wondered why, then noticed that it was so he could lean back onto her for support. She stayed this way the entire time, supporting him and talking to him and his wife to comfort them.

The man with the first aid bag (who I found out at some point was a nurse) held a bandage on the man's forehead with one hand and a towel under his nose with the other. He managed to pull a pack of gauze from the bag but struggled to open it while trying to stop the bleeding… He simply ran out of hands. So I grabbed it along with the bottle of hydrogen peroxide he said to use. Following his instructions, I ripped open the gauze packages while the young lady's mom dampened them with hydrogen peroxide. I handed them to the nurse until we ran out.

By the time two ambulances pulled up, the bleeding was under control. While the nurse cleaned up and the EMTs took over, I helped the grocery store manager take the groceries from their car and put them in a grocery cart. The store would keep the the groceries until the couple returned for them. Once the couple was in the ambulance, I asked his wife for the keys and locked their vehicle. We all gathered around the open door at the back of the ambulance and reassured them that the car would be fine and the grocery store would take care of their groceries.

As the ambulances pulled away, we thanked each other and hurried back to our own cars.

Upon entering my car, I realized it was still running and my phone sitting in the passenger seat showed five missed calls from my wife. I quickly called her... she was worried sick because I had run out for one pack of applesauce and was gone for over an hour!

The Point

You may be wondering what this has to do with leadership... I possibly told a more detailed story than needed, and I’ll admit that it was therapeutic to write it. Yet the details paint a picture of what was going on below the surface (if we take time to ponder and think deeply).

As the adrenaline wore off and I reflected on everything that occurred in that grocery store parking lot, I was impressed how four complete strangers could work so closely together toward a shared goal. Then some leadership reminders floated to the surface.

Leadership is service. It’s people-focused. Focusing on others’ needs is critically important. It’s what sets a mediocre leader apart from a great leader. Service comes in many forms but at the root of it all is a focus on someone else’s needs, a desire to value others. Service is selflessness, and there were four leaders in that grocery store parking lot.

Leadership is embracing other’s strengths. This is the power of our inadequacies! Our inadequacy fades to unimportance when we allow others to help us, but we have to be humble enough to see our own limitations and weaknesses. I wasn't qualified to provide medical attention, but someone else was. I didn't have the medical knowledge, or the tools, to solve the problem. But someone else did. I didn’t see that the elderly gentleman was struggling to stay propped up. But someone else did, and sat behind him so he could lean on her. I didn’t notice his elderly wife’s purse hanging from the shopping cart. But someone else did, and retrieved it for her. Leadership isn't about knowing or doing everything, it's about knowing who can do what needs to be done. Observe people's strengths. Empower them to use those strengths.

Leadership is behavior. It’s action. It’s seeing a gap and filling it. It’s seeing a problem and joining others (or pulling others together) to fix it. Inspirational words are nice; lining up our words with our actions is so much better… That’s leadership. Take the first step… the help will come. Never, ever utter the words, “That’s not my job”… at home, at work, or anywhere else!!

Leadership is character-driven. Behavior flows from what’s in our hearts, our character. We can have extensive training and skills, but if we don’t have kindness, compassion, or humility then our knowledge and skills are limited to our own selfish achievements. When our leadership behavior flows from good character, we’re ready for anything.

For Reflection

I’m still occasionally haunted by the vivid memory of an elderly man smashing his face into the macadam. But this bad memory is inevitably replaced with a sense of awe and gratitude. It’s a reminder for me that God orchestrated four different people’s lives to place them exactly where they needed to be at the precise time and location with the exact skills, abilities, and personalities required to love and care for an elderly couple in their time of need. I don’t know the other helpers’ stories, but I know that my wife’s forgotten applesauce was not coincidence.

What are your reactions after reflecting on this story and leadership lessons/reminders?

What leadership lessons did you see in this story? What would you add to this list?

Life is full of opportunities to serve, to fill a gap, to step up… To lead. Will you notice and then take action even if you don’t think you’re qualified?

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