Our Strength Lies in Difference

FOREWORD

Once upon a time (who doesn’t like a fairy tale opening) there lived a young girl.....you know what scrap that! So this isn't a fairy tale, but what IT IS, is a story of community, belonging and family. The TRUTH that family is more than blood and the ones - who stick around when things gets tough and there to enjoy the best of times too!

That's as simple as it is for me - life at it's best is about the quality of our relationships...those newly formed, old ones.....and the ones we are yet to make.

And whilst some of you reading this will know me (and some yet to find out a bit more) it has becoming increasingly important for me in the last year to share who I am, bit by bit. Why? I guess because I want to be able to live my life as authentically as I can - the freedom to accept and celebrate every part of my present, but also my past. So I am continuing to write about my family, not just because I'm soppy, but because of their influence on the person I am today.

So, what we gonna do here is go back, waaay back, back into time (the first line from one of my fave songs for any R'n'B fans reading this ??)

I was born two months premature on a beautiful autumnal day in September - Three Times a Lady by the Commodores was #1 in the UK Music Charts.

My mum Rani (meaning queen in Hindi) had an arranged marriage at the age of 16 and found herself in an abusive marriage. She knew that wasn't the life she wanted, but back in the 80s Sikh women didn’t divorce – however, mum (you'll remember mum in my first article as the 'tough nut') decided to go against the grain and did just that. This was my first lesson in life - Live the life that makes you happy.

Fast forward a little, mum met Dave, a caretaker on our council estate and they fell in love (Oh, I suppose there was a fairy tale in here after all!).

Dave (Dad) cared for mum and treated me and my brother like his own children, except a white man with ‘brown’ children raised some interesting challenges for us all. But to this day, the thing I am most proud of is how our two cultures created a wonderfully rich home, in which I learnt the value of diverse thinking and experiences.

My Dad quickly became my role model - his love for me and my brother was unconditional. His selfless love and guidance when we needed it most, cemented my respect for him and gave me my happiest childhood memories.

We didn't "look" like your average family - Dad was 17 years older than Mum, with a pretty awesome head of silver grey hair! A frail man, he looked much older than his years and we often had strangers staring as they tried to work out the relationship between us all.

Whilst at times we were judged and shunned by some - we were accepted by so many others. Did it make me feel bad that people were judging us? Would some of the community have thought it was weird that my mum re-married - Yes, I am sure many did! Did the whispering and gossiping bother us? I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt at times. I remember being teased at primary school and feeling as though I didn't 'fit' into any of the groups.

Eventually, at some point during high school it no longer mattered to me whether I (my family) 'fitted-in’ to the mould – I was getting pretty good at standing-out.

As a family we created our own diverse community of friends (who were just like family) which transcended religion, race, age sexual orientation. Mum and Dad welcomed everyone into our home, I was proud that we saw that strength lies in difference and from this experience, I gained another important lesson – Our community was (is) defined as a group of people who care for one another, who lift you up and make you stronger.

The traditional Oxford Dictionary definition of "community" just doesn't work for me - a group sharing common attitudes, goals and shared interests.. doesn't that sound like a dull place to be in today's world!

I love the picture below of Dad (the white man in the back) with my grandfather (looking dapper with his turban) during a visit to Nairobi. His love and respect for people and new cultures was beautiful to watch.

In 1991, we took a family holiday to India and Dad was in awe of the richness of our beautiful Punjab, he would walk around the streets of the village wearing a "Kurta Pajama" (traditional Indian dress for men) as a sign of respect. Dad observed the farmers in our village and helped with herding cattle, as well as trying his hand to cook roti (chapatti) on the open stove.

That was the thing about Dad, he would give anything a try! Visiting India was a new experience for Dad and he may have felt he made mistakes...perhaps offended someone by not following the traditions or saying something he shouldn't have. But, his nature was one that it was hard for anyone to be offended...it wasn't ignorance but that he was LEARNING about a different culture. It's another quality I loved so dearly about him, and I definitely have gained his curiosity and appreciation for new experiences and learning.

A few weeks after returning from our holiday in India, we found out that Dad had stomach cancer. We were lucky that the surgery gave us six more years with Dad, before the cancer returned and this time with no cure.

I will always remember my Dad as a warm, caring and honorable man. He would smile and laugh with everyone he met and took meticulous pride in looking "sharp" for his working day. His role as a caretaker was the most important job in the world to him and he had to do it right. "If you are going to do a job - then do it well" Dad would say.

His incredible thoughtfulness, warm smile and wise words paved the way for me to live a life that has kindness at it's core.

In true LinkedIn style, I thought I'd share my favourite bits of advice from Dad..... more commonly known in this day and age as - thought leadership!??

• "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but NEVER all of the people all of the time"
• "Look after the pennies, the pounds can take care of themselves"
• "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" (my personal fave!)

Love you always Dad

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