The Strength of Being Open and Honest

Reflecting on my journey, I've grappled with a significant personal challenge: vulnerability. It was a struggle I didn't fully comprehend at first, but I eventually faced it.

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My upbringing in a family and culture deeply rooted in the 'get it done and lift yourself up' mentality, particularly as part of a Caribbean background, instilled in me the early lesson of pushing through challenging situations with grit, determination and resilience.

This mindset often viewed vulnerability as a sign of weakness, a perspective I found difficult to escape. While these values have undoubtedly shaped who I am today, they didn't equip me with the tools to navigate uncertainty or emotional exposure. What it did was turn me into a perfectionist and very detached emotionally.

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However, my reluctance to lean into vulnerability ultimately limited some of life's most precious experiences: love, belonging, trust, joy, creativity—they all come with their fair share of uncertainties. Until I did a Tony Robbins seminar (UPW), I was baffled by how they saw through me in all Zoom break-out rooms. Then, later with a Clarity Coach who saw the same lack of vulnerability in me. The two would have never crossed paths.

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The journey toward becoming more open in this way has sometimes felt like a true struggle—a street fight against my instincts. But I've realised how gratifying it can be.

Embracing vulnerability has enriched my life beyond measure and has been a transformative journey that has reshaped my perspective and experiences. This growth is not just for me but for all of us who are on a similar journey.

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Do you believe our society truly supports those seen as more vulnerable? Is there a fear that we might be perceived as weak by showing our imperfections? What would it label us as? Why should we even care?

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I find it interesting how vulnerability reveals itself in different ways. Often, I see immense courage in those willing to be open, yet expressing my vulnerabilities feels like admitting weakness, sadness, and emotions. Many of us can relate to this societal pressure to appear strong and perfect (like Superwoman), and it's important to acknowledge that it's okay to struggle with this.

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This brings us to an uncomfortable truth: shame. Vulnerability means allowing ourselves to be openly seen and heard, which can feel incredibly daunting when we're worried about others' perceptions or struggling against the nagging voice inside saying, "You're not enough." When we let these fears dictate our actions, we often chase validation rather than embrace our inherent worth, which would entail inner work.

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It becomes even more complicated when we tie our self-worth to what we achieve or accumulate. Then, we become chasers of goals only to win and beat repeatedly.

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However, there is hope. More and more people seem ready to move away from this constant hustle. There's a growing desire for authenticity; many of us long for relationships where it's okay to say things like "I need help," "I made a mistake," or "I've decided that my value isn't determined solely by my job title, size of my ring, watches, cars or income." This shift towards authenticity and vulnerability in relationships is a positive sign for the future, especially for high-achieving women & first-generation leaders.

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People tend to relate more deeply to those who openly acknowledge their flaws and vulnerabilities. What makes these individuals so approachable? If they appeared flawless, would we truly feel a connection with them? Think about it.

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Research reveals a clear distinction between perfectionism and the pursuit of healthy achievements. Perfectionism stems from the belief that achieving everything flawlessly will shield us from feelings of blame, judgment, and shame. We often carry this burden, hoping it will protect us, yet it may prevent us from being authentic. We then become slaves to ourselves, holding us in bondage.

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That alone just exhausted me. You are not alone in feeling this way.

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It's important to note that perfectionism differs significantly from self-improvement. At its essence, perfectionism is about seeking approval from others. Many perfectionists grow up receiving praise tied solely to achievements—be it grades, behaviour, or appearance—and, unfortunately, adopt a harmful mindset: "I am defined by my accomplishments and how perfectly I perform."

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In contrast, healthy striving focuses inwardly on personal growth: "How can I improve?" Meanwhile, perfectionism fixates on external validation: "What will others think?" It becomes an exhausting chase.

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Further emphasising this point is that perfectionism doesn't lead to true success.

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Studies indicate that it often hinders accomplishment; it's linked with issues like depression, anxiety, addiction, malnutrition, brain fog, and missed opportunities because the fear of failure or criticism keeps us stagnant rather than fostering our desire for growth in competitive environments.

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Lastly, it's crucial to recognise that aiming for flawlessness does not spare us from feelings of shame—instead, it embodies shame itself.

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We often grapple with perfectionistic tendencies (as I do), feelings of inadequacy, and self-doubt.

See How To Understand More About Being Vulnerable

Understanding this difference might be critical as we strive toward healthier approaches to life and achievement.

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