Strength in accountability: how to respond when things go wrong

I recently had a very candid conversation with one of my colleagues who has been with Kurieo from day one. Why, I asked him, did he choose to stick it out through all those early ups and downs? (And trust me, there have been plenty.)

“Because of the way you respond when things go wrong,” he told me. As I thought about it more, I started reflecting on the moments in my life that have shaped my response to setbacks – and why this response has worked so well for me. These are a few takeaways I want to share with you:

There is strength in apology

I remember reading an article a few years ago in which a CEO confidently admitted that he never apologized. His stance was simple: apologizing makes you look weak as a leader.

This blew my mind. I’ve always taken the exact opposite stance: apologizing is one of the strongest things you can do – especially as a leader. Taking accountability and being willing to fix it isn’t easy. It requires a great deal of self-awareness and confidence, and that shows tremendous strength.?

Apologize when it’s appropriate. Take accountability for what’s yours. Owning our mistakes isn’t what makes us weak – it shows our strength.?

Lead with accountability

I think it’s unfortunately natural for a lot of us to cast blame on others when things go wrong – especially as leaders. Since we think it “looks bad” for any mistake to come from us, we can shut down and start looking for ways it was also someone else’s fault. But this is far from true leadership. In fact, I’ll be blunt – this is cowardice.?

One of my past employees would often cast blame on other people rather than be honest about how they might have made mistakes. But as soon as I started taking accountability for my part, do you know what happened? They also started taking accountability. This created a drastic change in a short amount of time, and the solution was as simple as leading my team in the way I wanted them to operate.

Act with pure intentions

There’s one thing any leader or business owner will learn very early on in their careers – you learn a lot about who a person truly is when things don’t go their way. If you’re in a position where people are often pitching to work with you, you’ll probably know exactly what I’m talking about – sometimes people will approach you with all the respect, excitement, and appreciation in the world, but as soon as you say “no”, they suddenly become cold and unappreciative.?

The way a person responds in this situation really shows you whether they view your team as a mere transaction or as an actual relationship. My philosophy has always been to stay open and keep pursuing a relationship, even when an initial offer is rejected.?

For instance, my team and I recently pitched a major production studio with a campaign we were super confident and excited about. While our pitch wasn’t selected, I’m moving forward with connecting with our contact – not only to learn about what we could have done better and how we can potentially support them in the future but to genuinely get to know them as individuals. I don’t have any intention of trying to “win them back” or “prove them wrong” – I’m simply excited about their work and would like to continue building a relationship.

What you put out, you’ll receive in return.?

Be solution-focused

When I was 21 and still starting out in my business, I had the tendency to always focus on my problems. I would ruminate, beat myself up and focus on the issue so hard that I could barely see what was around me.?

My business partner, on the other hand, would always come back with solutions. I never knew how he did it – how was he able to take action when I couldn’t even see past the problem? My whole mindset changed when he told me these words of wisdom: don’t focus on what went wrong. Identify what went wrong and focus on finding a solution.

There’s always a solution, and it often works better than what you planned. Identify, but don’t dwell. Don’t be scared to try things. People often freeze up because they try to make the perfect decision, but sometimes just making a decision at all is the most important part.

In business, there are very few decisions that are truly catastrophic in and of themselves. I’ve met very few people whose business failed due to one singular decision. You can recover from a lot of things if your intent is right.

Don’t beat yourself up

As leaders, we carry a lot of weight on our shoulders – so when something goes wrong, we may automatically resort to beating ourselves up about it.?

But giving in to this mindset can also make us wallow so much that we neglect to actually take action. Address it, try your best to fix it, and then make sure it won’t happen again – that’s the best you can do.?

It’s so important to try to let things go. Once we’ve acknowledged what has gone wrong and taken steps to fix things, we can breathe easier knowing we’ve done all we can.?

Communication and kindness are key

Through all of it, clear communication and kindness are possibly the most important pieces. Whether you’re in a position of leadership or not, we should all remember to treat others with respect. Recently I had an issue with a delayed package that a family member really needed by a certain time. Trying to help her out, I made a bunch of calls to the shipping company. After a series of “there’s nothing we can do,” I continued to problem solve and eventually I got someone new on the phone. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do either. But after explaining the situation, he took the time to look further into it, and eventually he found the package and set up a time and location for me to meet with the delivery driver.?

I didn’t do anything special to make this work. We have to remember that first and foremost we’re dealing with people. There’s no need to shout or get angry when challenges rise. Nobody wants to get yelled at when they’re at work. Kindness and thoughtful communication go a long way.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, focus on your solution and response. Remember to communicate clearly and please, be kind (to yourself and others). Owning your decisions and holding yourself accountable is part of the process of evolving into a stronger person and a better leader.