The strategist's 5-step guide to bullshitting.

Step 1: Master Rhetorical Questions

Spend most of your time asking questions without answering them.

For example:

- “The question is when do we integrate these two things…?”

- “What we're really trying to understand is who the consumer is really...?"

- “Yes, but what we want to focus on is how is AI improving our process…?”

Nevermind that you’re being paid to actually provide answers.

Just keep asking the “big questions” to create the impression that you understand the problem best.

Really enunciate the what, where, when, how, and who for dramatic effect.

Use pregnant pauses so others jump in to fill the awkward silence.

Then react, reject, “build on,” or endorse those answers to further establish the perception that you know best.

Using rhetorical questions means you never need to think, do any real work, write anything down, or, most importantly, put yourself out there.

You’re always judging others and looking very smart doing it.

Step 2: Use 30% More Jargon Than Necessary

Consistently make simple things complex by using technical jargon.

Jargon keeps your audience off balance while increasing perceptions of your expertise.

Using a lot of it makes others feel like you possess a more precise and nuanced understanding of anything.

(Bonus: throw in the occasional obscure acronym, too).

Don’t say: “We’re trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t.”

Say: “We’re developing a sophisticated, algorithmic attribution model to delineate and quantify the RoAS contribution of each consumer touchpoint across multi-channel marketing campaigns.”

By keeping things complicated and abstract, you can control how you answer hard questions by ‘clarifying’ the definition instead of answering the question.

Step 3: When in Doubt, Say “Year 2”

When truly challenged, never admit defeat.

Just introduce a timeline.

For example, if a client asks: “Wait, are you telling me generative AI can make higher quality ads at higher speed and quantity while reducing my costs?”

Reply: “In ‘Year 2,’ definitely.”

Then elaborate on what new (read: impossible) things would need to happen that are, by the way, “currently being developed.”

You’re laying out an evolutionary path here...anything is possible someday.

Besides, we all know “Year 2” never comes.

And if it does, it’ll be someone else’s problem.

Step 4: “Yes and No”

Never disagree with a client.

Never correct their factual errors or misunderstandings.

Never decline an absurd deadline.

When confronted with ignorance, just say: “Well, yes and no…”

Then proceed with explaining why the no.

The key is to obfuscate right and wrong in the service of politeness.

Whether the client actually understands his or her error is merely the cherry on top.

Comity over clarity.

Step 5: Always Use “We”

“We” is open-ended.

“I” is definitive.

Never personally commit to anything (e.g., “I’ll do it”).

By always using “we,” you can promise things to clients and make someone else do it later.

The best part is “we” makes you sound magnanimous while confusing your own team about who’s actually doing what and when.

Everyone feels good and included.

Assumptions of responsibilities are made.

Little gets done.

Not your problem.

Author's Note: It’s scary not to bullshit.

When you don’t bullshit, you allow level ground for debate.

When there’s common ground for debate, things become clearer.

When things become clearer, things get harder (and more meaningful).

When things get harder, you expose yourself and your ideas to perceptions of being dumb, unprepared, wrong, or all of the above.

When that happens, you become uncomfortable and, god forbid, accountable.

And when that happens, you do great work.

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