Strategies to help your child in 2022

Happy 2022! Over the next two columns I am going to give what I think is my best advice from my 2021 columns. Put them on your resolution list.

Talk to your child.

Stay in regular contact with your child so that you know what’s going on with them. Talk generally about things happening in their life and keep this up, even in high school. Have these conversations in a side-by-side format, say in the car, and don’t grill them too much – they might not open up, if your questions are too intense or intrusive.

Don’t buy them a car.

Got a Year 12 child? Hold back from gifting them a car. It might be done with good intentions, but you take away your child’s opportunity to feel proud from doing the work to buy themselves a car. Even if you justify it by deliberately choosing a very safe car, they should, at least, be doing extra chores to earn the car you are gifting them.?

Don’t let them download

Many parents tell me that their child – often their daughter – comes home and recites nearly everything that happened to them that day, in an endless stream of words. To indulge them this way is not good for their conversational skills, particularly if they talk endlessly. Time-limit these conversations and discuss your day a little too. Every now and then be frank, ‘This story seems to be going on a long time – is it going somewhere, anytime soon?’

Chores should be equal

Research has shown a gender divide in the allocation of chores for children. Shockingly, sons often only do 50% of the chores their daughters are given. One of the big problems is the types of tasks given. Boys are often given the outside tasks, such as car washing and gutter cleaning, that don’t need to be done as often as the washing up or laundry. Improve the statistics in your house by allocating the chores and types of chores equally. This will upskill your children in all areas, so they can cook a meal as well as mow the lawn.

Give them all types of feedback

Praise is important to keep children enthused enough to improve their skills. But they also need to be open to receiving suggestions on what to improve. You need to start getting your child used to this sort of feedback. Make sure you give them some constructive criticism. Teach them how to embrace it appropriately, be thankful for the suggestions, and act on them.

Help your child’s social skills.?

Take away their phones when catching up with family and friends. Some teens and young adults are happy to speak to you when you’re asking them direct questions. However, the moment the conversational focus goes on to another, they disengage and pick up their phone. Teach them that they should stay involved in the conversation, even though it has moved on to another member. Say something if they are only participating in conversation about themselves.

Stop perfectionism and guilt

Practise self-compassion in your parenting. Instead of acting like your harshest critic, why not try acting as your most compassionate friend. Stop judging yourself against others. Remember that you are typically only seeing the appealing bits of the lives of most people on social media.

It all else fails, remember, by being human, you are not setting the bar too high for your child. That’s eventually going to make their own parenting journey a little less pressured to be as perfect as their parents were.

Takeaway for parents

Some super quick tips for parents.

·??????Be matter of fact if either sibling is currently better at some things. Help them accept that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.

·??????Extreme or lengthy consequences will encourage your child to lie more to avoid them. Make sure the punishment truly fits the crime.

·??????Teach your child to reciprocate questions, such as ‘How are you?’ This is the easiest way to keep the other person involved.

·??????Even if your child bought their phone or the other parent bought it, it is still your house and your rules.?

·??????Don’t bubble wrap them. Play boisterously, challenge them with thrilling activity, use words they have not yet mastered – to expand their abilities and vocabulary.

? Judith Locke

This column appeared in the?Sunday Mail?on 26.12.21. Subscribe to the Courier Mail to get access to my column every week. Find more sensible parenting advice in my book,?The Bonsai Child: Why modern parenting limits children and practical strategies to turn it around??or, my latest book,??The Bonsai Student: Why Modern parenting limits children’s potential and practical strategies to turn it around??or have me come to your school to talk to parents and teachers about enhancing child resilience and wellbeing. Contact me?here.