Strategies for Handling Difficult People at Work

During our careers, regardless of our roles or the companies we work for, we inevitably encounter difficult individuals whom we must navigate. Difficult people at work are individuals who consistently exhibit challenging behaviors that hinder productivity and create a negative work environment. These individuals may display traits such as aggression, stubbornness, or a lack of cooperation, making it difficult for us to effectively collaborate and achieve common goals.

In my experience, dealing with difficult individuals has been challenging, but I have found a few helpful strategies.

First, I go back to my core values, which include love and courage. For example, I once encountered a loud and confrontational customer while working at his house. Initially, I was unsure how to handle his aggressive behavior, but because I have a deep love for my team, I found the courage to confront him, calmly address the situation, and try to defuse it. In that moment, I also reminded myself of the love I have for the customer, thinking that this person must be dealing with their own struggles, which may have contributed to their behavior. Later, when his wife and children arrived home and began yelling at him in the same manner he had done to us, it became clear that because our project was going to take longer than expected, he was under a lot of pressure and was likely worried about getting yelled at himself. Therefore, he lashed out at us. Understanding this helped me feel more empathetic towards him instead of getting angry. In situations like these, it is important to remember that difficult people often have their own underlying issues and insecurities that contribute to their behavior. By approaching them with empathy and understanding, we can create a more positive and productive work environment.

Second, I remember my "why," as Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, once said, "One who has a ‘why’ to live for can endure almost any ‘how’." There were times when I had to work over 100 hours a week for months on end, sacrificing time with my family and my own health. I also traveled to site weekly, being away from my children. On top of that, I had to deal with a difficult senior leader from our client who constantly tried to undermine our project and our credibility, casting doubts about our capability and competencies. During one particularly difficult week, I was on-site during my children's spring break, and this person was loud and condescending. I ran to the car because I couldn't hold back my tears. I just sat there and cried. In that moment, I questioned why I had to push myself so hard and endure such difficult people. But then, I remembered my "why" - I am there because I am a good leader who loves and cares for my team and is committed to our important mission of providing safe and reliable electricity generation and clean energy. This reminder helped me stay focused on the bigger picture and handle the situation with more grace.

Third, I take stock of my backup options. Sometimes, we get so caught up in a difficult moment that we forget we have other options. So, I make a conscious effort to think about the ultimate outcome if my current situation doesn't work. This means considering my financial stability and knowing that I can leave my job at any time if necessary. I am there because I genuinely enjoy my work and the people, not because I am obligated to be. I also remind myself of my valuable skills and experience, knowing that I can find a new job whenever I choose to leave. This helps me feel unstuck and gives me a sense of freedom, peace, and confidence to handle challenging situations and difficult individuals.

Lastly, I try to remember to breathe. When a difficult person says something untrue or provokes a strong emotional response in me, I take a deep breath. This helps me calm down and creates some space between my emotions and my response, allowing me to think more clearly and respond appropriately. I also draw upon my Zen practice and remember that everything is impermanent in this life. This situation shall pass. Life is short, so it's our responsibility to not waste our time being upset over things that are not within our control but to spend that time focusing on adding value and making an impact.

I hope these strategies can be helpful to you in some way. Every situation is unique, and it may take some time and repetition to find what works best for you.

In conclusion, while dealing with difficult people and challenging situations can be exhausting and emotionally draining, it is important to act according to our core values, remember the purpose, and the impact we are making. By staying focused on our "why" and reminding ourselves of our worth and options, we can navigate these situations with grace and confidence. Taking a moment to breathe and practice mindfulness also helps us maintain clarity and respond appropriately. Ultimately, finding strategies that work for us individually is key to overcoming these challenges and achieving success in our personal and professional lives.

By implementing these strategies and staying true to ourselves, we can not only handle difficult individuals and situations, but also grow and thrive in the process. Remember, it is through these challenges that we develop resilience, strengthen our skills, and become better versions of ourselves. So, embrace the opportunities for growth and continue to navigate the complexities of life with determination and a positive mindset.