Strategic Empathy: Understanding Others to Understand Yourself
“In order to understand yourself, you have to be understood by someone else. To be understood by someone else, you must understand the other” (Watzlawick 1994: 13).
What stratagem is used here?
Number 17: “Toss out a brick to attract jade”. This means making an investment that leads to a (greater) pay off (Senger 1993: 295-330).
At the beginning of every transmission, the antenna has to be adjusted to the receiver. If this is omitted, the message disappears somewhere in the void without any effect.
And that's exactly what Horace is calling for here: first study your recipient, to know who s/he is, where s/he is and what s/he wants to hear before you even start sending (“tossing bricks”).
The process automatically changes your message because at some point you start to ask yourself what you want to say, whether it's correct or even necessary to communicate.
So you start with the other one in order to find yourself in a self-reflective way (“gaining a jade stone”).
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The principle described here by Paul Watzlawick and illustrated in Stratagem No. 17 emphasizes the importance of empathy and adaptive communication in any interaction, whether in personal relationships, professional settings or diplomatic and cultural exchanges. The ability to first understand the other party's point of view before being understood is a powerful strategy that promotes long-term relationships and successful action.
It's about fostering mutual understanding, which ultimately leads to better, more productive and harmonious interactions.
And the best thing about it: you have the entire process in your own hands and are not dependent on whether the other side contributes anything: if they do, both win, if they don't, you lose nothing, because the overall process revolves around you anyway, with the other one as beneficiary only.
Sources:
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