"There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met"

Last week I was lucky enough to attend some training on Team Leadership as part of the Advanced Business Analysis Diploma. It was a great course and led me to reflect a lot on my leadership journey to date, but what I found really invaluable was the opportunity to share and discuss experiences with the other attendees on the course.

Hearing from others from different sectors, with different career histories and working with teams of different sizes offered up so many new perspectives than would have been gained through simply seeing the material through my own lens.

This benefit of perspectives and learning from others is of course a large part of the BA role and indeed 'Leadership' and 'Relationship Building' are both personal qualities listed in the BA competency model put forward in the Business Analysis: Fourth Edition (Paul, Cadle 2020), but as with other skills they can benefit from practise.

My own experience with these qualities is varied. I swing between traits of introversion and extraversion and, whilst I eventually gain a great deal of inspiration and motivation from sharing ideas and collaborating with others, my initial tendency towards inner reflection, anxiety around initiating conversations and massive sense of social awkwardness don't always make relationship building an area of natural talent!

For this reason one of my challenges in last years Character Passport (a set of 24 activities to help me develop particular Character Strengths) was to talk to strangers. The aim was simple - to get more comfortable with initiating conversations, grow confidence in my interaction skills and open myself up to new perspectives by embracing every day opportunities to interact with others.

Everyday Moments: The Secret Social Training Ground

I live on a busy street in an urban neighbourhood probably reflective of many nowadays where there are plenty of people but limited social connections. Neighbours don't always know or talk to each other, people pass on the streets with heads down and eyes averted, we scroll through our phones whilst waiting in the queue at the shops......perfect conditions for practising social skills.......

But that's what I did. Last year I made a conscious effort to intentionally seek out the opportunities to interact with those around me. I said hello and smiled to people I passed on the streets, I talked to the taxi driver taking me to the train station, I struck up conversations in the super market and shared book recommendations with people working in my local book store.

On occasion I was met with a blank look but overwhelmingly the response was a warm one that brought a little light to my day and made me more open each time to speaking up. As time went on I found myself not only actively seeking out interactions but also really looking forward to them.

Beyond Small Talk

Whilst commenting on the weather and getting recommendations on local eateries was all very nice and built my confidence in initiating conversations, the time bound and transient nature of these interactions didn't necessarily help me in thinking about forging those deeper connections. For that I needed to seek out a different type of opportunity. That's where tapping into the communities around me became so important.

Community sessions like the IIBA UK Brown Bag calls allowed me a space to discuss topics with people from a similar professional background and through contributing to and sometimes facilitating these calls I gained valuable opportunities to practice both speaking and active listening skills in a safe space. I also expanded my professional network and made some new friends!

Face to face interactions can always be a little more daunting but I tried to ensure that I sought out new conversations with people I hadn't spoken with when attending events or conferences and making the most of joining colleagues in the office at work. One of the things I learnt about myself was how much I rely on non-verbal cues when speaking with people in person and equally how easy it is in a world so heavily reliant on virtual working to lose the skills associated with in person interactions.

What's the take-away?

• All of our interactions hold the power to be valuable if not always life changing - I learnt things I wouldn't otherwise have known about as a result of talking to people about their experiences. It ranged from learning about little known restaurants to gaining a deeper understanding of other cultures.
• "Seek first to understand, then to be understood" (Stephen Covey) - Remember to listen as well as to share. Creating those deeper connections is a mix of opening yourself up to the perspectives of others and allowing them to share their stories as well as being authentic and honest in sharing your own values and experiences.
• The greatest learning comes from those different from you - Affiliation, belonging and bonding are things that we all seek out as humans but we often end up seeking out those most like us and aligned to our existing thinking and values. To truly grow and learn we need to seek out those least like us, perhaps importantly even those we most disagree with to really challenge our thinking and behaviours. Look for opportunities to be part of groups and conversations that include this kind of diversity but remember if you do find yourself interacting with those whose views are in conflict to yours to disagree well!*

*UCL did some very interesting work around the art and importance of disagreeing well - you can read more about it here https://www.ucl.ac.uk/about/disagreeing-well