Straight Privilege

Recently, I asked one of my employees to attend a networking and new business development meeting on my behalf. As usual, she asked me what was the dress code. Typically, I robotically respond with slight irritation: Business Casual. But this time, I asked her to be prepared for a dress code more upscale than business casual-- A little fancier, but not black tie. She didn’t seem to know what that meant. My immediate response was “Google it” for some ideas on what to wear and I would reimburse her since I considered it a uniform of sorts. My internal critical boss lady voice during exchange went something like this, “Dang, wasn’t she taught how to dress for work? Do I have to do everything? What’s becoming of these young people!” I didn’t think hard to find an outfit until I decided to search online myself. I typed in “upscale business casual” in Google image search. What I found there had nothing to do with anything my employee would ever be caught wearing, and I was slightly embarrassed. It got me to think long and hard about my point of view.

I am an official member of what I considered two marginalized and unprotected groups--Woman and Black. I walk and work in the business world as a straight, married female. I wear dresses and pants. Suits and shorts. Heels and Converse. I can be girly or awkward black girl. But what I am discovering in my journey of working with an out Gay employee, is that at some level of my “marginalized” self, I have the “privilege” of being straight and presenting as a straight woman. What do I mean by “presenting” straight? This is more than an issue about being straight--there are gay women who present as straight that may not have the same issues as a non straight “acting” woman. There is more to unpack in this conversation but I’m speaking less about sexuality and more about presentation.

It never occurred to me that dressing appropriately when you fall outside the lines of the stereotypical heteronormal expectations of presentation enforced on men and women while networking or applying for a job, were issues. Similar to the phrase, “Driving While Black”, “Networking While Gay” or “Applying For A Job While Gay Black Woman” can pose tremendous challenges for many people.

On the same track, the pervasive lack of insurance benefits for non heterosexual couples is extremely unhealthy, the potential threat of male violence against two gay women together at a bar is highly possible or that the ignorance and erasure that exists when a businesswoman says to me(another businesswoman): “oh, you brought A Friend” (wink wink) at a strictly business networking event, is constant.

Even my own presumptions about how I approach my company messaging, instagram channel branding, the articles I write, the way I work through client meetings, how I dress and my body language, networking with men--it’s an all out “Straight Eye for the Straight Guy” approach.

I do have another point of view now. And it’s almost like seeing the world through the eyes of a child, when you listen closely to their needs, and what makes them curious and what makes them laugh. Because when you take the time to slow down, and understand the stresses your Gay employee experiences day to day from dressing safely, to the fitting in with straight folks with no end in sight, to endless instagram feeds of co-workers and bosses with heterosexual family units, you become an ally and a protector of ALL marginalized people’s humanity. An understanding emerges that perhaps the gay people at your office are fitting like a suffocating corset into the confines of every “norm” of being straight or they are laying low and blending in. You understand that maybe being straight as a default sexual orientation, is just wrong not dissimilar to white being the default color of people.

My employee who is “Dressing For Professional Work While Being a Gay Woman” and using a heteronormal point of views taught me some life lessons about my own “default” expectations of other people. The experience has helped me begin to expand my emotional resources for other people that are not straight like me.

As a final thought, I would like for you to try this test: Type in Google Image Search “upscale business casual women” and then “upscale business casual gay women” and compare results. The results may surprise you.

Celebrate #Pride2019

JinJa Birkenbeuel is a consummate entrepreneur and women’s business advocate dedicated to helping businesses win customers. She is also a beacon for diverse voices in business, international advisor of women-founded startups, an investor in the first Black woman-owned food company and was named to the National Small Business Association (NSBA) Leadership Council in 2019. JinJa also the CEO of Birk Creative, a leading digital and social growth strategies for businesses. Her unique ability to spark fresh innovations for her customer's brands through vibrant conversations and intimate engagements encouraged her to create and host The Honest Field Guide podcast with discussions dedicated to winning in business.