The Story

This is my origin story - hopefully you will find it intriguing, occasionally confusing and often dynamic. If you enjoy it then please do follow me as I will be promoting various posts covering topics from getting out of your own way to how to prepare to answer a tender application and everything in between.

It sounds as if I am or was materially obsessed, but earning money was always the most important thing to me growing up.

We lived way below the poverty line and that really sucked, but I knew there was only one way out of that conundrum.?

Money was always really tight? and of course I always felt that I had a responsibility to earn money in one way or another, and so my focus was find how to make it and then graft.

I remember selling some pears for 5p when I was 8 years old so that I had enough money to buy some chocolates for my mum. I just did whatever I could to make it work.

I bounced around several groups of friends, sitting on the edges, perching in metaphorical fences? and not really letting many people into my own world. There would always be one dominant personality in the group and the ability to remain within that? group would depend on how much that person liked me and how much I would be prepared to knuckle under (not something I really do as a rule)

As I have a direct personality, I would have to take more and more crap from other people in order to stay in the group. Of course, over time this would mount up and escalate towards an inevitable breaking point.

The moment of self-realisation for me, the moment that I realised that I was not like many of my peers, came when I was very young. I couldnt understand why I would have to behave differently around different people. It nonplussed me? why I just couldnt just be ME and that it would be accepted and acceptable by other people.

I definitely perceive that the HUGE influence from my pre WW2 grandparents had a role to play in this.

Who or what have been your influences growing up?

I freely admit to being influenced by lots of drag artists. I used to watch the drag? shows when mum went to bed.

“Reading is fundamental” taught me that everyone can and should have an opinion, and that it is OK if your opinion is different to mine.

When was the breakthrough moment? How did you react?

When I realised that I have spent my whole life making other people happy, and in that? process made myself miserable.

It turns out that those other people weren't as happy as they made out, so? I might as well just focus on me and do whatever it took to make me happy.

There was an epiphany - one ecstatic moment of real exhilaration. At this moment I suddenly realised that I had the power within me to make me truly happy, and it was a pointless exercise to expect other people to make me happy.

This may sound obvious when you readit here, but to me it was utterly groundshaking as at the same time I realised that no one else was going to do it for me.

It was ALL on me.

I cried for a good couple of days, but actually felt utterly relieved that I knew what I had to do now.

Who or what enabled you to jump from the fog to clarity??

I worked with Theresa Carter for a good many years who helped me to smooth over some of the wrinkles from my childhood and this process showed me how I was constantly bringing elements of my past into my ongoing experiences but also showed me how I had the power to change that pattern for the better.

I had EMDR, CBT and Intensive NLP and there were huge shifts. I could actually feel my brain processing all of the content.

It was like someone was opening my eyes and i was given the permission to be me.

About a week later, one of my friends told me that I was worthy. I was in floods of tears afterwards. I became super emotional to most things that anyone would say to me. Super sensitive. It was like all of the 30 years of pent up emotions that i wasnt allowed to share was flooding out.

How was the transition to adulting for you???

Easy. I was never allowed to be a child so being an adult was the only option.?

How did you spark from wanting to help others to creating your? brand?

Er…. pass.

What are the main tenets you work under?

What is the light at the end of the tunnel for you?

Having a 5k monthly income from memberships

What is your personal mission?

I believe that the world can be changed with everyone being able to share their thoughts and opinions without fear, judgement and recoil from others.