Story Time: Understanding Failure.

Disclaimer: This post contains a reference to my personal story. The views and opinions expressed by the author in this post are solely those of the author in his personal capacity and do not in any way represent the views or reflect the policy or position or have an endorsement or authorization from his current, former, or future employers or any organization with whom he is or may be associated.

The background.

In May 2018, my brother and I were in Baltimore watching Liverpool lose the Champions League Final to Real Madrid. Liverpool's goalie had unfortunately made some mistakes on the grandest stage of them all and it was heartbreaking to watch. This story of defeat was somehow just stuck in the back of my mind and I just really wanted to see the reds win the Champions League!

I had not imagined in just about 8 months' time, I'd be packing my bags to move to India. The thoughts of culture shock, facing an identity crisis, and fears of losing myself *yet again* kept me awake most nights. The uncertainty was at an all-time high, and I was starting to feel like a failure as days went by. I spent all my time talking to entrepreneurs, pitching various VCs some revolutionary health-tech ideas, debating about the return back to the US, and sometimes thinking about just giving up. The 3 not-so-magical words "Have I failed?" came to mind every single day.

My story.

When I started working in 2019, even though I was continuing what I did back in the US, it was entirely different - this ecosystem and setup were completely new to me. To combat this, I used the technique I used when I had landed in Canada as an immigrant - hustle, be a quick learner, and work hard. Slowly, that feeling of being a failure was dissipating and I was continuing to repeat what I had learned back in the day. While I was living through this whole cycle, I missed out on one important aspect, evolution. When we try new things, we learn new things and when we learn new things - we evolve.

This story, in hindsight, feels easier to write about, but at the moment this was very difficult to experience. After beating COVID-19, taking care of a sick family, and working tirelessly, I was passed over for a big promotion last year. Hearing that I did not meet the mark was very disheartening and disappointing.

Failure at any age tastes the same like it did when you almost failed an exam in your childhood. And, all big disappointments are memorable - memory is a survival mechanism. Our nervous systems are designed to remember impactful negative events. But, it is not the disappointments themselves that are the signature of the journey, but the unanticipated value of the disappointment. The process of failing itself is a crucial experience!

Understanding why.

Failure is one of those aspects of life that most people are afraid of. Why? Because, the world around us values success, winning and penalizes imperfection, defeat, and failure. But, the truth is everyone has failed and everyone will fail again. Go back in time, and you will find that every successful entrepreneur, business leader, athlete, artist, and diplomat has led a life almost predictably marked by key failures or disappointments. Most of them, if not all were not born with the collection of skills–often referred to with terms like resilience or growth mindset.

Imagine waking up to this reminder on your phone one day. How would you react? Most of us won't have a pleasant reaction and it is probably a good time to ask ourselves why that is. There could be a variety of reasons but knowing them can help us accept, evaluate, learn and move on.

To answer this in a safe(r) environment, and arrive at some outcomes, I tried to learn how to make latte art. I knew I was going to fail miserably, and I wanted to see how I respond to this setback. Before I share my learning and the outcomes, look at the results for yourself.

Day 1 was a pure failure, Day 45 tasted pure bliss. I am still learning, but finally heading in the right direction.

The outcome.

It is difficult to continue to bounce back from adversity - no matter how big or small. After failing 44 consecutive days, here are 4 outcomes and lessons I learned along the way -

• Take your time & enjoy the journey - Some setbacks are bigger than others, and they all require time for you to recalibrate. The journey is only gratifying if you learn along the way - getting what you want with no effort is not fun. Desire is a complex thing and the most important thing you can do is enjoying the ride. Don't forget - going to space is not the same as making a coffee, so give yourself the necessary time.
• Reframe failure as learning - The first day I made coffee, I failed and it was disappointing. I had spent hours watching the baristas on YouTube and my coffee looked and tasted terrible. I did not give up, got myself a support network, and worked hard to make sure I was improving. Small improvements made it easy for the mind to understand that it was a learning process and not a contest.
• Let go & move on - Unfortunately, there is no easy way to train for or practice emotional resilience. You just need to absorb the pain of setbacks, look forward and continue with the task! Every day when I failed, I let it go and looked forward to the next day. This was difficult, but I kept my goal of making a beautiful coffee in mind. While this might be easier to do for some, it is essential to making progress.
• Remember where you started - When we are born, we are helpless. It takes us years to become functionally independent. The experience of failing and learning is fundamental to our growth. And, becoming successful in a field or in life is no different. Remind yourself about your humble beginnings often!

I am now using these lessons on a daily basis in my life to continue moving forward and remind myself, there is no shortcut to success. When was the last time you failed?

If you have never failed, you have never lived. - Abraham Lincoln