A Story of Presence

I have often written about the power of presence . We create a powerful relational field when we can remove distractions, quiet our minds, and be fully present with another person. Presence is an essential element of an effective leader and an evolved human.

When we embrace presence, we create a space where intuition can flourish. At times, it feels magical. I’d like to share a moment of presence I experienced earlier this year that carried a touch of mysticism.

A Word on Spirituality

I describe myself as a child of modernity. I was raised Unitarian. My father is a physicist. I attended a science and technology high school. My double major in computer science and philosophy was steeped in logic and reason. For most of my life, I held a worldview that anything science could not prove should be treated with a healthy dose of skepticism.

Coaching has shifted my perspective. I still love science, enabling us to understand our reality in ever-increasing levels of vivid detail. And yet, there is so much in our world that science cannot explain. I am now wide open to that which is mystical and unexplainable in our world, and in so doing, I’m discovering a world of magic and spirituality that simply cannot be denied.

Regardless of your spirituality – whether you identify as Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindu, spiritual but not religious, or atheist, I invite you to approach this story without judgment or bias. The more I learn about the various spiritual traditions, the more I find they have more commonalities than differences. They are many different paths leading to the same destination.

My Moment of Presence

Earlier this year, I participated as a coach at the Leaders24 Summit.* I loved the format. I had the opportunity to coach several leaders, one of whom continues to work with me today. I also facilitated a learning group of several leaders. We dubbed ourselves The Eagle’s Nest and still connect every few months to share leadership challenges and seek the collective wisdom of the Nest.

Throughout this conference, I was keenly aware of my presence. I entered each coaching session – each interpersonal interaction, in a deep presence with the other. I was seeing its effect on the quality of my interactions. In one coaching conversation, I felt a strong intuitional pull. When I shared what had arisen with the coachee, he paused, looked me in the eye, and said, “You are very good at your job.” We then explored a deeper topic he had left unspoken, but my intuition had heard.

As a bonus, each coach could participate fully in the event, featuring a fantastic lineup of speakers. The highlight for me and many others in attendance was the conductor, Roger Nierenberg .

When Roger speaks, he assembles a small orchestra of local musicians, who typically have no experience working with him or even each other. Roger’s full preparation with our orchestra consisted of an hour together right before his presentation.

Roger used the metaphor of conducting an orchestra to illustrate various principles of leadership. Throughout the presentation, they played various segments of Adagio for Strings by Barber, a personal favorite of mine.

Towards the end of the presentation, Roger selected an audience volunteer to conduct the orchestra. He gave her the baton?and?stood behind her, and they practiced as he gently guided her by the elbow as she conducted.

As they prepared to conduct for real, I stood in the back of the room. Presence felt natural, and I found myself singularly focused on the woman?about to conduct. As the orchestra began to play, I felt a surge of energy in my torso – my chills had chills. Each passage the orchestra had played was beautiful and rich with emotion, but this was on an entirely different plane.

As they continued to play, the vibrations continued, and my eyes began to well with tears. Gradually, I realized I was not simply reacting to the performance. I was connected to the woman on stage. I was experiencing what she was experiencing, and it was exquisite. I gave myself up to the experience, embraced the connection, and let the tears flow.

After the performance, the woman described her experience with the audience. Roger told us he wished he could give that experience to each one of us, but of course, there wasn’t enough time to do so. As he said this, I knew he had given me the experience through my connection to the woman on stage.

Afterward, I spoke with the woman and asked if she wanted to cry. She told me she wanted to “ugly cry” through the whole thing, and it took incredible effort to hold it together. I shared my experience with her and my willingness to let the tears flow. There was a touch of magic as we recognized this shared connection and experience – a gift of being deeply present.

Putting It Into Practice

Presence goes beyond giving someone your full attention and showing that you care. With practice, presence becomes a gateway to spirituality, intuition, wonder , and awe. Find opportunities to embrace presence deeply:

• When attending a performance, be fully present with the performer. Experience the performance through their eyes, not your own.
• When you read, be fully present with the person who authored the words. Hear them in the author’s voice. Connect with the spirit that brought the words to life.
• Spend time with nature, fully present in the wonder and awe of it all.
• Embrace the mystical. Be open to that which science cannot disprove rather than closed to anything it cannot prove.

I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.

If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me .

* Next year?Leaders 25