??Story of a Life 'By Design' # 2 / 25

Naina, 32, wife of Rajat, and a mom of 1.5 yrs old cute son, Atharva!

We have known each other since our first job together. Naina was exactly the girl due to which girls are called 'sincere'. On top of that she has been smart as well, not just she studied well & got placed out of her campus, she grew so fast in her career as well.

Me being the typical guy, doing what made we boys earn this 'careless' tag, always encouraged her to stop working for sometime & be involved in other social activities as well. She hardly got distracted from her work & career progression, and we all quit trying & decided to let her be.

After some years we all switched to different jobs, tried to be in touch but couldn't. Last year, when we all were in lockdown, and it was getting so tough to stay at home for that long without meeting my friends. I had decided to get every friend/group to meet online. This is when I had a chat with Naina, after 5-6 years maybe, since we last spoke.

Naina & I remembered the old days of our first job, first project, and every first experience we had those days. While I shared my side of the story, how I am pursuing my passion along with my job for years & almost ready to take the BIG step when it was her turn to share her side of the story, she replied with just, "bas chal raha hai yaar"

This was not that usual Naina who would speak up about her plans with a good mix of enthusiasm & sincerity. She started asking more questions about my life, my career. While I responded to all of that, I was still not getting answers from her side. We finished our talk & hung up in some time. But, I felt like I spoke with someone else, not the Naina we all knew 10-11 yrs back. I couldn't rest my mind, also couldn't ask her more as it has been long & we were not the same friends as we were in those days, in fact, I wasn't sure we were still friends. In the hope & 'for good old times' sake,' I continued to send some nice forward messages to keep the communication channel 'Active'.

I got busy with my work and continued to follow this ritual of talking with other friends/groups every weekend. On one Tuesday, I got a WhatsApp msg from Naina, "can we talk?"

I replied, "hmm, if it's not urgent, can we talk in the weekend?"

"Sure, sure....take your time, aise hi ping kiya tha, nothing urgent" She replied back.

"What's wrong with you, Naina Chowdhary??? ?? tum kabse wait karne lage, if you had something to talk, you will TALK, weekend tak kabhi wait kiya jo abhi kar loge" I replied immediately.

And this is when I first saw her smile, even if it is in smileys, but she smiled.??

She continued to chat, "Aree, I thought ab sab bade log ho gaye hain, busy with work, job nall, so time nahi hoga, kyu disturb karu"

"itna bada na bane hain, aur na hi ban-na hai, ki dosto k liye time na nikaal paayein" I tried to speak in the same frequency of 'those' days to get her back to talk 'normal

It worked, she slowly started to talk in her normal style, we spoke about everyone & where they are now. Naina tried to sound normal, while her ultra-short response about her life made things uncomfortable for both of us, I decided to let her take her own time to talk about it openly.

We had a few more such mini-conversations in the weeks that followed, and when the time was right, I had to confront her.

"Naina, bata na, how is your life going?I posed the straight question to her.

"nahi, sab thik hi hai, lockdown life, household work, Atharva's duty, bas yahi sab hai life, aur kya?" She replied hoping that will be enough for my concern.

"you happy with it?" I had to ask, as I wasn't convinced yet.

"happy kya, now this is my life, what else I want," She said & smiled, and this made her things worse, as her fake smile made her realize how far it is from reality.

"Listen Naina, you don't have to tell me anything, but at least don't hide anything from yourself, tell the truth, face it," I said this & wanted to leave her with this thought to ponder upon.

"I know the truth bro, I had told it to myself, but it only brings the pain of not making it a reality, at the same time, I have to do what I am supposed to do to look after my family, and this really makes me happy" It was the first time she spoke without thinking or taking a pause.

I then asked her, what was bothering me since the beginning, "you had a great career Naina, you loved it more than anything, what changed?"

"Got married!" She said & laughed. "Then before I could realize how the time flew around me, I had Atharva in my arms" She got serious from this point onwards.

"I & Rajat decided that I will have to leave my job to be with him in his city, it was supposed to be a small break so I was fine, I had worked so hard for 6-7 years, I felt this would be a nice break for me, and then I will join back once our new life is settled. When I was about to resume my career, my in-laws came over to stay with us, I thought it would be good to spend some time & will get a chance to take care of them. Many months went into that phase, I continued to be the good wife, good daughter-in-law & obliged to everything that was expected of me. It was already close to 2 years I was out of work, and going back to work seemed so tough for me, as I lost touch, my routine & lifestyle changed from a working woman to a homemaker. Rajat & in-laws suggested, "ki ab break to ho hi gaya hai, family plan bhi kar lo" I was in no position to deny, as I too wanted the child & have been losing courage with every job rejection. I went ahead with the family plan, and Atharva was born. It's been 1.5yrs & it went like a flip of a second for me, running around him & family. My biggest achievement of life currently is to get my son properly fed & ensure everyone gets what they expect from me. You know what, I am the Star Performer here, bro!" She said this & cried.

She didn't stop & continue to sob for some more moments, & I felt the same, couldn't stop her, didn't want her to stop actually. She had finally faced the reality which was buried under her "Happy Mom-Wife" face, which she gracefully carried for so long. Today when she faced it, she realized there is also an individual living inside her, who was craving for her attention, who also had a say in her award-winning performance, she heard herself saying to her today, "I am still breathing in here, do you care to visit me sometime & sit with me to listen what I am going through"

Naina's realization was deep & real. She went on ignoring this inner voice for so long, and it's not that she wasn't aware of it, she was intentionally ignoring it, because she knew if she brings it to the fore, it will set the chaos in her already 'busy' life.

"SanJay, this has been my life, it's not bad, but somehow it doesn't feel good either, kya karu, I guess this is what happens to a woman" She gathered herself back & concluded it for me.

Clearly, it wasn't enough for me, the word 'kya karu' said by her in hopelessly low tone, while it should actually be said in loud & bold tone of possibilities waiting out there for her.

"Don't ask me "kya karu", ask yourself Naina. For your own sake, start asking YOURSELF, not others" I left her with this thought, and I knew if she felt bad after facing the truth, she exactly knows what she has been missing to do, and if 'that' is so important that it made her cry this much, then surely she would know how to get there.

In the coming weeks, we had a lot of conversations about 'Doing' what she should have been doing. She started with setting the expectations with Rajat & his family. She decided to continue doing her responsibilities but not because this is what she is supposed to do, but because she wanted to do it, as it was her family, the only thing that changed here was, she made it clear that it was not 'just' her responsibility but everyone's as well.

She started finding time for herself, which probably she always had, not this much, but enough to do something for herself. She got her focus back on things that she really enjoyed doing, took time to get the rustiness off her. Once that phase was over, she was able to manage her career-related things along with family duties.

Today, when I speak with Naina, she is prepared & ready to resume her career, hasn't got a suitable job yet but found her happiness in getting back the control, now it's up to her to steer it to make it to the top, or keep wandering in the lost shores, but whatever it may be, she knows, it's not about instant success or always winning in the game, it is all about living every moment keeping your hands busy with a mission & ears at your own heart!

Proud of her that she chose to live her life by design, it turned around so well, because she has always been a fighter & STAR performer in everything she did, only thing was, she dropped her sword & armor down and wore a saree for some time & got strangled in it longer than what she had expected.

??--SS--??