??Story of a Life 'By Design' - #1 / 25

Aman, now 35, lives in Delhi. Since the time he remembers things as a kid, he has heard from his family, relatives, neighbors only one thing that, "ye to bada hoke collector banega (He will be an IAS officer one day)". In school, he was throughout topper, while in college he was also involved in doing theatre a bit, and loved writing, but he maintained his scores & ranks.

Soon after he finished college, he started preparing for UPSC. He was enjoying this & always thought he is very close to crack it. With every year, when he was not able to clear it, he started having questions about ever getting this dream fulfilled.

His family was struck with bad luck & he had to immediately find a job to support them, he worked hard for it, but lost focus on his UPSC preparations. Years after, when things got better, he continued from where he has left, but only to realize that things aren't the same anymore. Doesn't matter how much he tried, the dream of being an IAS officer kept slipping away from his reach.

It was his final attempt, he gave everything he had, but couldn't clear the exams & his dream of being a Collector was shattered.

2 years back, I got connected with Aman, we met on the train, started having a conversation about a book I was reading. He shared his point of view, which made me easily guess he has this thing in him for writing. We spent an hour talking about just books & writing, without disclosing what we both do in our life.

Something made me believe that he is going through a very tough time. He was in his own silent zone, trying to hide himself not to get into any conversation, then he jumped like a kid when his favorite topic of writing came in. Since then he just spoke all his heart out, and when the discussion was all over, he got deflated like an air balloon who just got pinned. The clear drop in his energy & the difference in his behavior made me believe, there is something troubling him.

In the morning, when he woke up, I initiated the conversation & asked more about his life, he was reluctant at first & then started opening up, but there was a hidden box which he was trying hard not to open. He told me that he has started working in a job & trying to find happiness in it. This 'trying to find happiness' thing gave me the chance to dig deeper, I started opening more chapters in his life & when I couldn't find a way to that 'box', I went with the straight & hard question, "Aman, what is happiness for you?"

He stopped talking & continued to stare at me for some moments, as if fighting internally to not respond, or maybe wanted to respond but don't know what to reply to that question.

I let him take his time, didn't interrupt & didn't change the topic either, and continued to wait for his response, and when he knew there is no getting away from this topic now, he opened up & said, "Bhai, I exactly know what will make me happy, but........." He almost broke down there.

I had to ask him to finish his sentence, so I asked again, "but what?"

Aman replied, "I always wanted to be an IAS officer, my whole family wanted, they were always very sure I will make it, but I couldn't, I failed them"

"my happiness is in fulfilling that dream, a dream which is not possible now" He concluded with teary eyes & started to look down.

It was a very strong feeling he had with his dream, and now that he is beyond the age limit, there is nothing he could do to fulfill his & his family's dream. I gathered myself to tell him this because I knew someone had to.

"Aman, it must be so tough for you to deal with this, and I can't even imagine how it would feel to be in such a state of having an 'impossible dream', but there is something I want to ask you, are you still alive?" I asked looking straight into his eyes.

"Yes, of course, I am, but I didn't get you" Aman got puzzled a bit.

"Well, because if you are still alive, there is still a possibility to DO something. For that dream - possibly NO, but for your happiness - a big YES" I was very clear where I was taking him.

Our conversation got a new direction, I kept touching the areas which mattered to him, which made him happy. One thing which I noticed, whenever there is a way out, he was getting closed, and not exploring the possibilities. I had to ask him then, "Aman, you really have to have a fresh look at your life, look it from fresh perspectives, can you do that?"

He was sincerely hooked to this & replied "I don't know, I have got this life now, where I have to do my job to feed myself & family, with time I will forget about this dream & its pain, will continue to do what I'm supposed to do, things will be fine somehow"

I could see, it was a shallow statement, something which even he didn't believe in. He was just going on with his life with whatever being thrown at him and he was not taking control of anything.

"Aman, you have seen this dream, now tell me what was the underlying feeling or emotion with which you got connected? was it the charisma & class of IAS officers, the uniform, the power, the money, what was it?" I was looking for some hard ground to anchor his life.

"to be honest, I never actually thought about those things, I only thought about becoming an IAS officer to make my family happy & to fulfill that expectation set on me" Aman was very clear this time.

"Why it was so important for them to see you become IAS?" I intervened further.

"Never asked them, but maybe because they have seen tough days in life, with less money & less power, they wanted me to become IAS to make them never feel low in those areas", He was thinking deep & responding.

"So, is the money & power possible only in IAS?" I asked with some serious audacity.

That really cracked him open, his views were challenged, his perspective which was restricted & narrowed down to only one thing all his life, have now made way for some new perspectives, he could see beyond his default life, and started seeing a lot of possibilities for him.

"Sanjay, I am not sure, but I am getting this feeling as if I was in deep sleep & now woke up to start seeing clearly what's happening around me" He was joyous & pumped up a little with a clear spark in his eyes.

He continued to talk in length & depth after that, he was flowing & exploring things on his own. He always had this passion for writing & drama, he never realized what all great things it could bring to him. He never focused on anything other than IAS because he felt he is cheating his parents & his dream, now that he has realized that it's not just by being IAS he can fulfill those dreams, he can still do something in other areas to fulfill that.

"Sanjay, I can still fulfill their dreams, I can still do something, I can still be happy" He was telling more to himself than to me, I felt.

A lot more conversations & realizations happened during that train journey, and the best part was, that Aman had found his grip on life back. He stopped living the default life of just continuing with whatever was happening with him. It took a moment for him to open his mind, then it took weeks for him to explore the possibilities to make it happen, and it took months for him to take complete charge & start living life the way he wanted.

But, you know what, doesn't matter how much time it takes to accomplish something you desire, the day you start living life to fulfill your desire, this is when you start LIVING & these are the only days you actually live, rest of the days you just breathe into the tune of others.

For those who are wondering what happened to Aman and what he is doing now. :-)

He shared with his family about his realization, they all got in sync & found peace in it. He started pursuing his passion for writing, spent time close to theatres to meet like-minded people & most importantly to find peace, along with job he started building his writing work, he got his feet settled now, and very satisfied with the way he is progressing in life, where he wakes up every day & decides what he is gonna do!

In short, he stopped living by default, now he lives by design!??

??--SS--??