The story of how my facilitation helped resolve the issue of inheritance

I accidentally met at my parents’ place with their friend from my youth, Vladimir. He is engaged in the construction and maintenance of swimming pools. Quite a big business, about 500 million in turnover and 150 million in profit per year.

We started talking about who does what, and I told them that I advise entrepreneurs on completely different issues, from building processes to goal setting and using various tools.

Vladimir did not hesitate and asked to share his thoughts on his situation.

He is now in a dilemma about what to do with his business. He is almost 60 years old, divorced, lives alone, but has a son. And Vladimir doesn’t understand what to do with the business, whether to give it to his son or not, but how? and when? and if not, what to do with the business? Vladimir has been tormenting himself with this question for 2 years and still hasn’t found the answers.

I said, Vladimir, I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that, at least on this issue, you have never talked to your son, quite frankly. You are a big and wealthy man and you crush him one hundred percent with your authority and experience, and most likely your son is even afraid to be sincere with you because he is afraid of your reaction.

Vladimir sighed heavily and agreed with my words. So what should I do? - he asked.

I suggested that Vladimir, his son and I meet, and I will facilitate this meeting.

What will you do? - asked Vladimir.

I will be the facilitator of your meeting, I answered confidently.

Facilitation is the process of managing a meeting and improving its effectiveness. It involves facilitating communication, managing conflicts and creating a conducive atmosphere for the exchange of opinions and problem solving. The facilitator is the person who carries out this work, helping participants achieve a common goal.

Now in simple words, a facilitator is someone who will help the meeting progress and make sure that, for example, no one pulls the blanket over themselves, does not put pressure on their opinion, and can express and be heard. And so that the issue for which this meeting was convened is resolved, and all participants in the meeting agree with it.

Vladimir agreed. After 3 days we agreed to meet at his office. He said that we would have an office and 3 hours when no one would disturb us.

On the appointed day we met with Vladimir and his son Igor also arrived. He was a little over 30 years old, it was clear that he was a decent guy, and not a spoiled major, to be honest, I expected something like this.

I won’t divulge the conversation, but we talked for the entire three hours. The conversation was calm at first, then it turned to emotions on both sides, I lowered the temperature. There were frequent manipulations on Vladimir’s part, and his son “turned on” selfishness.

It was important to determine - “What does Igor want? Does he need this business and, if so, why?”, and I often repeated this for Vladimir and Igor, and this helped to return to a constructive conversation.

Finally, father and son were able to come to an agreement; there were conditions and guarantees that suited both parties.

This is how facilitation helped resolve the issue of transferring inheritance)

In general, if you have an important meeting where you need to be included in the discussion process rather than conducting the meeting, or the meeting is potentially conflicting since there are many opinions and/or they are fundamentally different, and much more, invite a professional facilitator to conduct such meetings.