This is a story of how I profited out of colorism and colonialism...

This is a story of how I profited out of colorism and colonialism...

At a recent talk by noted feminist Susie Orbach on women and bodies she briefly referenced some research on how little black girls in north America preferred white dolls over black ones. I think she might be referring to the famous “Doll Test” study by psychologists Kenneth and Mamie Clark.

It triggered a memory of the time my father bought my sister and I two barbie dolls. This was 33 years ago. Barbie dolls were a rarity in India then. I know he had gone through considerable trouble and effort and spent good money to buy these dolls.

They came with a pink plastic kitchen set. The spoons and knives were tiny. The barbies were tiny too. They were white, blonde, had pink lips and blue eyes dressed in a white dress with a pink satin sash at the waist.

Something about the dolls just felt alien to me. For one I am not blonde and white or have blue eyes. I had a full kitchen set made of steel that were size appropriate to me and not the dolls. I could take small portions of dough from my mother and pretend cook in them.

The pink, plastic kitchen set had no room to accommodate my pretend rotis.

?The doll’s proportions also made me suspicious. They felt different from anything I had seen around me. You must remember this was before cable television. I had never seen a white person in 3D, I had not even seen a Hollywood movie yet. I had seen magazines that had Caucasian men and women in my home and covers of video cassettes of English movies that were deemed inappropriate for me to view. But that was the extent of it. I mostly spoke in Gujarati my mother tongue and didn't understand much English. I was used to seeing images of well-proportioned voluptuous Hindu goddesses and Bollywood heroines.

I had for all purposes a mind unexposed to what Susie Orbach called a global body standard and one attuned to local ways of body decoration.

However, everything in my father’s stance told me that I should be very excited and grateful to have these dolls. He inquired several times how I liked them. He encouraged me many times to play with them and assured me that he wouldn’t be upset if the dolls got dirty and so I shouldn’t leave them in their packaging.?

I was just indifferent and he was not happy about my nonchalance.

I felt guilty about letting him down.

The dolls had created a sensation in my neighbourhood. News had spread that I had in my possession two brand-new barbies. A friend’s mother had remarked at my great luck for possessing a "foriegnni white doll". Another's had asked my mom in my presence why she was spoiling us with such exotic toys. It was clear to me that everyone agreed with my father.

I didn't know then that the Barbie was a status symbol because it was expensive, American, white, blond and blue-eyed and hence considered better than our cloth dolls and wooden and steel toy utensils that didn't meet that standard. That it was part of the larger cultural discourse of everything white is superior.

It never occurred to me that I should comply to everyone's expectations. I did worry about my dad though. I felt like something should come out of his efforts. So, I came up with what seemed like a win-win to compensate him for all his troubles and give access to the dolls to my friends.

I created a library where for a little fee the girls could come and play with the dolls, in my room, in my presence and they could also borrow my books and read if they liked.

I had a line of eager customers. They oohed and aahed at how pretty and ‘gora’ the Barbies were. They brushed and braided the blonde hair and peeked under the dress and giggled. They bargained with me to rent the doll to take home for a day. Lets just say that I was loving my role as a librarian (I had come up with an elaborate system of fines) and it gave me more joy than actually playing with the dolls.

My father never talked about the Barbies again. I think the message was clear.

That ladies and gentleman is how I made my first profit out of colorism and colonialism.