The story of a failed mission

for Women's Day

March 8, 2024

Last year at this time — during International Women’s Month — we stopped supporting a woman! The irony wasn't lost on me. Our group — we called ourselves Fauziya’s Mission 2025 — made this hard decision with a mix of disappointment, anger, frustration, and reluctance.

Who was Fauziya*? Fauziya was a 15-year-old girl featured in a BBC story video in 2021 that I came across while laid up in bed with Covid at the time. She was living on the streets of Mumbai with her family, and had still managed to pass her 10th grade examinations while studying under the streetlamps. A local photographer from the Times of India heard of her accomplishment and interviewed her; his video was then picked up by BBC. In the video, Fauziya — her eyes flashing, her jaw set — spoke about her plans for the future. She wanted to study hard so that she could get a job and earn for her family. She spoke of how strange and drunk men would sidle up to them at night, and how her father had to sit awake with a stick in his hand to keep his family safe. ?She had her mind set on earning enough to get them off the sidewalk and into a safe home. Her grit and determination resonated deeply with me. I wanted to help this girl!

I looked up the BBC author and approached them on LinkedIn. They put me in touch with the original journalist and videographer in Mumbai, Shanth Kumar. He in turn gave me Fauziya’s WhatsApp number. Fauziya didn’t immediately respond to me. I heard from her after a couple of tries, and we spoke on the phone. She told me that another person had also contacted her from Spain and wanted to help her, so could we please coordinate? I took that information and contacted Sherman, a film maker in Spain, and discovered that there were at least six of us from different parts of the world who had reached this point – all humble folks, teachers, a film maker, a consultant with a startup.

We formed the group Fauziya’s Mission 2025 to help her jointly. The group was led by Sherman, the first person to contact her and very thoughtful in his approach to creating lasting impact. We set two goals for the group — get Fauziya off the streets to a safe home immediately where she could study in safety, and support her with a monthly stipend until 2025 by when she would hopefully finish her studies and become financially independent. Shanth Kumar and his friend in Mumbai helped us find an apartment for her. Now we had tangible fundraising goals. Setting up an account and transferring money was complicated. Sherman coordinated all this. I mobilized five-six of my friends in the US to also chip in annually (five women, one guy, all of Indian origin, responded; they could relate). Fauziya and her family moved in to their apartment. They sent pictures of new kitchen utensils and of Fauziya with her classmates, wearing nice clothes to school and looking happy.

So, what went wrong? One condition of our support was that Fauziya would continue to share her academic progress with Sherman. At some point a few months later, Fauziya’s grades started dropping. Sherman investigated and found that Fauziya was also working part-time to support her family. We stressed that she needed to focus on her studies. She said yes, but eventually the academic reports stopped coming in altogether. She got harder to contact. With considerable effort, Sherman pieced together that our monthly stipend was not enough because her father had taken to drinking and was not making any attempt to find work. The mother was ill and could not go to work. The family was using the monthly stipend to send the son for private football coaching. So, Fauziya had to work. One day, Fauziya’s mother was spotted by a neighbor in the red light district of Mumbai. They reported this to the landlord who threatened them with eviction. Eventually, Fauziya ended up lying to us about her grades and academic progress. This was the final straw that made Sherman lose faith. Having spent my childhood in India, I could imagine the family’s thinking. Fauziya is a young woman. Even if she studies and works, eventually she will get married and leave the family, so investing in her education would not be a priority for her family. Investing in the son would be an insurance policy for the parents’ own future. After much heartbreaking conversations back and forth, we recognized that our mission had failed. Our support would not change the mindset of the parents or the society in which Fauziya was living.

Changing gender outcomes requires deep systemic change.

• Women must be seen as individuals capable of leading and managing financially independently, not just in a support role, for society to invest in their growth.
• Men cannot be the sole decision makers. The status quo works in their favor. Women need to lead the change. But they need men’s “permission” and relentless championing over multiple generations to do so. This is true in most places around the world.

Ultimately, this change starts at home and the smallest of things make a difference:

• Do we dress our babies in pink and blue?
• Do we arrange playdates with only the same genders?
• Do we buy different toys for our kids based on gender?
• Do we sign up only our girls for “Tea with Mrs. B”?
• Do we tell our girls to smile more and adjust more?
• Do we laugh when our boys take risks but protect our girls from injuries?
• Do we console our boys when they fall and cry or tell them to toughen up?
• Do we teach our boys to clean up after themselves and do family chores, including learning to cook and doing the laundry (properly)?
• Do we teach our boys not to break things? (like, the planet, for example)

Until we change our thinking on these little things, I’m afraid we will never reach gender parity in the workplace. I’m especially concerned because this lack of gender balance has an impact on our climate change work. We need women in our workplaces and in leadership positions to engage in making the decisions that will impact our future generations.

As for Fauziya, I wish her all the best, but I’m all too aware that my wishes are not enough.

*Name changed to protect her identity. But still a Muslim name like the original because that adds yet more vulnerability in a Hindu-dominated society in the current political scenario in India.