The story of ‘Emotionally Charged’

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“If you can dream it, you can do it.” — ?Walt Disney

In a few short weeks, I will realize a major life milestone: my book, Emotionally Charged: How to Lead in the New World of Work, co-authored with Dr. Alicia Grandey, will be released! Emotionally Charged is a years-long labor of love that represents what I’ve been striving to do with my professional life: to bring great science out of the ivory towers and into the hands of people who can use it to improve their work lives.

This week, I want to share the story behind Emotionally Charged, as well as a short excerpt from early in the book.

Why I wrote Emotionally Charged?

Writing a book is something I have thought about doing for awhile. But when I think about what made me finally take the leap, three reasons stand out—each one personal, meaningful, and a big part of why this project came to life.

The first reason is collaboration. This book allowed me to team up with my dear friend and co-author, Alicia Grandey . We first met years ago, both chasing PhDs in Industrial Organizational Psychology. Alicia ultimately became a professor and now leads the organizational psychology department at Penn State. I, however, felt a different pull. Academia wasn’t where my heart was—I wanted to work directly in business with those who needed help.

While our paths diverged, we share a passion for translating research into practical tools, and a few years ago, we co-wrote an article for Harvard Business Review about the emotional labor of leadership. That collaboration planted the seed for this book. The opportunity to team up again with someone I respect so deeply—and have so much fun working with—was impossible to pass up.

The second reason ties to a long-standing mission in my career: bridging the gap between science and practice. Alicia brought incredible depth in the science of emotions, and I brought an understanding of leaders’ real-world challenges. Together, we created a book that translates evidence-based research into actionable strategies and tools for leaders. It’s incredibly fulfilling to know this work will help people navigate the emotional complexities of leading today.

Finally, my most personal reason: I wrote this book for my dad. He passed away almost five years ago after a long battle with cancer. My dad was my rock—steadfast, supportive, and full of wisdom. He was a teacher his whole life and during his final years, he wrote a book. Completing that book gave him an incredible sense of purpose, and I am convinced it helped him defy the odds and live longer than doctors predicted.

Writing this book was a way for me to connect to him. It was my way of honoring his legacy and continuing a dialogue with him, even across the barriers of time and space. I know he’d be so proud of me writing a book like he did (and published by Oxford, no less), and I can just see him beaming with pride.

So, writing this book has already fulfilled my goals: a fun collaboration, bringing great science to the world, and honoring my dad’s memory. Everything else—whether it’s market success or accolades—is icing on the cake.

Here’s a short excerpt from the book:?

Leadership is an emotional labor job

The notion of emotional labor originated with the rise of the service industry in the early 1980s, to describe the requirement for “service with a smile” and hiding irritation when interacting with customers. But that’s not the only context in which people engage in emotional labor. When bill collectors or sports coaches use anger to intimidate or evoke guilt, that’s emotional

labor. When judges or counselors conceal their emotions to seem impartial, that’s emotional labor. And yes—when leaders put on a stern expression to talk to underperformers, dig deep to be empathetic with distressed employees, try to strike the right balance of being authentic without oversharing, and shoulder the burden of the countless other emotional demands we discussed earlier, that, too, is emotional labor.

Understanding emotional labor begins with recognizing that there are countless unwritten rules governing how we’re expected to show (or not show) emotions at work. These implicit “display rules” are so embedded inmost organizations’ social fabric that we rarely notice them—but those rules still require effort to follow. Emotional labor is the work we do to display the “right” feelings at work at any given moment, often involving suppressing certain emotions and evoking others.

Four signs you have an emotional labor job:

1. You often interact with people to perform your job.

2. You represent your company to employees and the public.

3. You manage and influence emotions to accomplish company goals.

4. You are evaluated (explicitly or implicitly) by how well you manage your own and others’ emotions.

To be sure, when people think about emotional labor jobs, “business leader” might not be the first job that comes to mind. But research has shown that managers, supervisors, and other leaders in fact perform a similar amount of emotional labor as service workers or healthcare workers. In other words, leaders must perform as much emotional labor as servers striving to be friendly and courteous to disgruntled customers, or as nurses who maintain calm and compassionate to sick and distressed patients.

The world of work has changed, and it has heightened the emotional demands on leaders everywhere. Leaders today are tasked with performing more emotional labor than ever, but often aren’t given the training and resources they need to be successful. These intense emotional demands have given rise to epic levels of stress and burnout among managers and leaders. It’s not a sustainable way to lead (or live).?

That’s why Alicia and I wrote Emotionally Charged: to provide leaders with the tools they need to lead in today’s workplace. We share evidence-based techniques and strategies, and how to apply them to everyday situations, helping leaders lead successfully and maintain their well-being.?

Emotionally Charged: How to Lead in the New World of Work, is now available!?

Emotionally Charged blends science and strategy, providing leaders and managers with the tools to navigate today’s emotionally-taxing workplace. Buy it for yourself, and share it with the leaders in your life!

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