This Story Can Be Shared

 Personal Accounts from the Opioid Epidemic in America

 Account 1

This Story Can Be Shared

Spotlight Sunday Story

By : Kari Kanvas

"A Mighty Heart"

 317 lives in Alberta have been lost as of March in 2017 to drug related deaths,sadly those numbers are still rising. In 2016, 568 men and women lost their battles and died of overdoses. One of those deaths is why I am speaking out today.

On October 22, 2016, the love of my life took his last breath.My soulmate became a statistic that you have all read about in the papers. Riley was only 31 years old when he died alone in his childhood bedroom. Prior to Riley's death, he had been sober from all substances for 10 months.Riley was put into a medical relapse after needing a major surgery. Our worlds quickly spun out of control and within 3 weeks my best friend was gone forever. Riley had an accidental overdose after he had been over prescribed many deadly and illegal combinations of benzodiazepines, barbiturates  and opioids.

Riley had open heart surgery on august 15th to repair his aorta,both of his arteries and to put in a mechanical valve. Riley was born with a congenital heart defect and years of heavy intravenous drug use caused many serious heart infections-which was what lead to his irreparable heart damage. If he did not have the surgery when he did,he would have only had approximately 2-5 years of life left.

 Looking back now, we would have had more time together had we declined the procedure. We just didn’t know it at that time. The surgery took 3 times as long as it should have, his lungs collapsed and Riley had actually died not once but 3 times during the surgery.We truly believed that that was the worst day of our lives. The surgeon was not convinced that he would even make it through the night,so his family and I were given the chance 11 hours later, to say our "I love you's". To everyone’s surprise and absolute amazement,Riley not only pulled through the night but he woke up,could breath and was able to sit up all on his own within 11 more hours. Noone could believe it. Riley was a fighter and he never gave up easily or willingly.

When we received the news that he needed this lifesaving surgery,we went into panic mode because Riley was currently 10 months into his recovery and we knew that he would be needing some sort of pain medication. We feared of another relapse. We had just gone through a year of hell with his addictions.

Riley and I had our first date on February 19th 2014 and it was love at first sight. Our date lasted over 6 hours and by the time we left,my face hurt because I had been laughing so hard. Riley was the funniest, sweetest, most caring and most genuine man I had ever met. I had no choice but to fall head over heels for him. He had a tough exterior with his stretched ears and heavily tattooed body but he had a pure heart of gold and two gold teeth to match. From that moment on we had become inseparable and our relationship had moved incredibly fast. He moved in with me within a few months and we truly were  never apart for the next 2 years.Riley was always very open and honest about his life and his past. It was on our first date that he told me that he had just been moved back to Calgary from Vancouver, as his parents feared for his life. Riley admitted that he had a long history of drug abuse and that he was a recovering IV heroin user. He was 8 days clean when i fell in love with him and he had just completed a 5 day detox program for the X amount of time.

 Riley had struggled for 15 years mostly with heroin and many other opioids. He also struggled with his mental health and had been admitted to the hospital for self-harm. Riley had a traumatic experience with a very close family member, who passed away and left Riley with a lot of guilt and self-hate.This really formed the path towards his destructive behavior.

His addictions started when he was prescribed pain medications for an injury…this continued to be a pattern for the next 15 years. He could not get away from it know matter how hard he tried. And he tried hard. Opioids were quickly, easily and constantly accessible to him. He completed detox,rehab and went to many counselors and  psychiatrists countless amount of times. None of these treatments were successful for very long, he was always just sent on his way with absolutely no follow up and no skills, tools or resources to live a happy, sober life.

I didn’t understand addiction at this time. I had no idea how it worked. I just knew that he was 8 days sober and he wanted to be, so I thought that that was it…he was no longer an addict. Well, it didn’t take long for me to discover that that is not the way it goes.I found that out the hard way, many times throughout our first year together.I loved Riley more than anything and anyone, he was the most amazing person I had ever had. I had never loved or been loved this way before. All I wanted was to fix him and to make him be okay because

I knew who he truly was, and his addiction was not him.

 The first year included a lot of lies-big,small and uncalled for, theft of money and theft of my own required medications,a whole lot of tears, swears and many sleepless nights. There were also a lot of mysterious illnesses and many serious reoccurring injuries which always resulted in trips to the nearest walk in clinic or hospital. There was a lot of pain medications and there was a lot of withdrawals on our couch that usually lasted up to 5 days. I was in denial. I believed a lot of the ridiculous lies he would tell me, I believed that he was only using pain medications as prescribed. I believed that the spoons in his bathroom were from his morning yogurt. I believed that if I yelled, cried and begged everything would be ok. I was a fool and i believed him when he told me he was okay. It didn’t take long before I had to call his parents for an intervention. Riley knew he needed help and he truly wanted it. Riley went to a detox center and then a 28 day rehab program.

He went willingly. When he left the treatment center, not only was he stone sober, he was the Riley that I fell in love with. He was so proud of himself. He was doing so well. His parents could not believe the changes this time around.I had such faith in him,our relationship and his sobriety. I actually sold my condo and bought us a house in Medicine Hat while he was in recovery. I thought that moving him out of Calgary, to a new city where neither of us knew a single soul would be the best thing for him and for us.I thought that moving him here would keep him safe.

 The day we moved here, I was diagnosed with late stage Lyme disease on top of my other conditions,so we decided that I would not work and I would focus on my own treatment for 2 years. This put a lot of pressure on Riley to take care of me, our new house and a lot of our finances. Then 4 months later, we received the news that Riley needed to have open heart surgery.

 We had only 5 weeks to prepare for that. We faced so many nonstop battles together, we were both mentally and physically exhausted. Aside from the fear of the actual surgery and the risks involved, we were terrified of the pain medications that would obviously be needed. We were terrified of what would happen once he had a taste of those again.

So a few weeks before the surgery, Riley, his parents and I had the opportunity to sit down with his surgical team. We spoke about Riley’s past addictions and we pleaded for alternative pain management.

Everyone was on board,and a NO Opioid contract was put into place. We had a solid,fail proof plan.Riley worked his butt off for his sobriety and he did not want to risk it and he shouldn’t have had too.But somehow, despite the No Opioid contract,Riley was prescribed many addictive medications. He also developed a severe lung infection and was hospitalized for a week and a half…THIS is where things really fell apart and our lives started to crumble.

 While in the hospital, he was being administered morphine every two hours…orally and intravenously.To top that off, his roommate in the hospital just so happened to be a drug dealer. I didn’t know that until long after Riley passed. That dealer contacted me but that is an entirely different story for a different time. Today is about giving Riley his voice back!

 I failed Riley. So did our police and our entire medical system.Sadly, he is not the first and he will not be the last to be over prescribed opioid medications. That taste of morphine while in the hospital was all it took to grab a hold of Riley and it refused to let him go. I lost Riley several weeks before he actually died.

 The thing is, Riley was my soulmate and I knew he was dying. I could feel it. I fought like crazy with everything I had to try and save him and to bring him back to me.Despite all of my efforts, nothing worked.I begged, pleaded, screamed and cried. I called his parents in

Calgary at 3am and 5am many times. I wrestled him in a cold motel trying to get his pills from him. I took him to the local hospital where we both bawled hysterically to the intake nurse to help us!Riley begged to be blacklisted from all pharmacies, medical clinics and hospitals-which they told us could not be done.Instead of actually helping Riley that night,even after he threatened to kill himself and had taken a handful of Oxycontin, we were put in a back room for over 8 hours without being checked on not even once. By the time the dr arrived, Riley didn’t want the help. He was told a psychiatrist would contact him the following Tuesday, after Thanksgiving weekend…he was told this on the Thursday. 5 days he had to wait for help.

His family and I took turns calling the police, the hospitals, the fire department, Alberta health services. His family had even set up an interventionist for the Monday (Riley passed away 2 days before). All these people saw were the bloodshot eyes and the track marks up his arms and on his hands. He was treated like scum. No one helped him. "The doctors know what they are doing..."words by emergency responders as his mother pleaded for help while pointing out the FULL grocery bags of medications!

Eight days before Riley passed, his mother found him unconscious and blue in his childhood bedroom. She revived him. It took two hours for help to arrive to take him to the hospital. Once he was seen by the doctor, he was released with even more medications while his mother begged for them to keep him overnight. Riley had an overdose and no one even mentioned or supplied naloxone to any of us.We didn’t know about it until long after he was gone. This breaks my heart and absolutely infuriates me…because “what if”?

 I wasn’t there when Riley died alone in his bedroom.I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to tell him I was sorry or that I loved him. I didn’t even get a chance to hear his new heart beat. I never will.

 There were so many people with authority and even more opportunities for someone to step in and help him. If they had, Riley would still be at home with me. An investigation was started on my behalf into his death as I know that his death was 100% preventable. The director of Foothills Hospital and head of patient relations, apologized to me in a private meeting. They said that they were sorry that they failed me and his family. More importantly, with tear filled eyes they said they were sorry that they failed him. They admitted that they gave Riley a "loaded gun" despite the No Opioid contract. Riley begged for help. He pleaded and he tried so hard, but the system did not listen and they certainly did not care.

On October 22nd, my life changed forever. I lost a huge piece of my heart. The pain is absolutely unbearable most days. Other days I just feel numb...but never numb enough. The "what if's" and the "never wills" break my heart all over again each day that I wake up without him. I can’t believe I will never marry my best friend or hold his hand ever again. But seeing the faces of Riley’s parents now, are what breaks my heart the most.

We all fought so hard,we all truly did our best at the time. None of us were given any resources to help. We didn’t know what we were doing. We were all angry, scared and confused. I will never know what went on inside Riley’s mind,but I know that it was a living nightmare. Riley didn’t want to die but the way that he was treated and the way he had been denied help over 15 years, he started to believe that all of the terrible things he had done and that were done to him, made him unworthy of being happy and being loved. He covered the emotional and physical pain he was in, by injecting heroin or snorting fentanyl because he was told that he was nothing more than a junkie. He begged for help, it wasn’t there, so he gave up.

It has become my personal mission to do whatever I possibly can to prevent anyone else from standing in my shoes. If you or anyone you know is currently struggling, please believe that you are worth living in this life. Your addiction does not define you. Help is available if you are ready. Just don’t give up! To each of you reading this in Riley's memory always carry a naloxone kit (Narcan), you never know who may need it. You could save a life, so why wouldn’t you?

Account 2

First of all, I want to tell you about my beautiful amazing son, Ryan he was the most loving, kind person you would ever want to know. He was always there for whoever needed him & always willing to help someone in need. Ryan had a heart of gold. If you knew him, you loved him. He was that kind of person.

Ryan was voted most valuable player on his football team in his junior year(2008 Jefferson Twp. NJ) Unfortunately, he had a back injury during the summer of training & couldn’t play for his senior year. He had several epidurals & his doctor prescribed pain medication. Ryan became depressed & told me he didn’t want to be in his school any more & wanted to go back to his old school. He felt he wasn’t treated the same because he felt left out. I told him you only have one year left and you will probably never see most of these people after you graduate. (Who was I to say, I was just trying to help him) He was depressed especially since he could not play his senior year although he tried. Jefferson Twp. did win the state championship that year but Ryan was not part of it. I can’t really tell you when he started using but I think it was shortly after. One of Ryan’s good friends called his dad to let him know he was using heroin & knew he really wanted to stop but couldn’t.

Even though I was divorced from Ryan’s father, we stuck together & fought so hard to help him. He was in & out of so many rehabs. He struggled so much & really wanted to get better & finally he did for over 2 years. We were so proud of him living on his own in Florida. He was working hard as a electrician & doing so many side jobs. He was going to the gym doing everything right but for whatever reason on the night of June 1st he ended up with the worst people he could have & passed away on June 2nd.

One of his so called friends that was with him on that night said he was his friend but I don’t believe that because when someone is your friend, you look out for them & he didn’t. They also stole all of his valuables.

I’m writing this in honor of my son, Ryan & so many that have passed away & who are still struggling. I want to find away that we can stop this horrible epidemic/disease. There are so many of our young children dying from it & it needs to stop now. I keep hearing more & more sad stories about it since people know my story. No one should ever have to go through the pain of losing a loved one because of this. I will never be the same & my heart is forever broken without my beautiful Ryan who should still be with me.

Account 3

We called him "Nikki" when he was born. One day, I said "Nikki, go clean up your room" He turned around and put his hands on his hips and his head going side to side with each word, said "it's N-I-C-K, NICK" ???? Oh, that FACE! Oh, how I miss that FACE! Rest in peace, my sweet son. Forever 31 ??10/24/86-4/12/18??

Account 4

Sitting here tonight after everything has settled down after Christmas, I cant help to reminisce on 3yrs ago...the last time I saw my brother was Christmas eve 2015... he didnt show up for Christmas the next day at my house but my last text I ever got from him was thanking me for the gifts that I got him that my parents brought home to him and we ended it with an "I love you"... little did I know that would be our last interaction EVER!!!!

The next day is when I got the call that my dad found him lifeless on his floor at home. Every year I replay all of this in my head, i begged the ambulance crew to give him narcan but it was way too late. I had just lost my brother, only sibling and bestfriend all in an instant! My life stood still for that moment when I tried to catch my breath, and all a sudden surrounded by friends and family while I sat in my parents hallway with my head between my knees asking GOD why??????

It never gets better or any easier.... I miss his voice, his advice, his laugh, him being bored and calling me to just come over to hang out, I miss our conversations, I miss my brother!!! This isn't how it's supposed to be....and even though iv tried so hard to be strong and understand GODS reasoning with all of this I just dont understand!!!! BUT what I DO understand I that GOD has a reason for everything even though we may not understand it all now, I BELIEVE one day we will!!!!

So.... to my baby brother... I love u with ALL my heart, I forgive you, and I promise to stay strong for mom and dad and ur nephews... I promise to live life to its fullest and every time I laugh or smile I'll remember you.... I'll never let you be forgotten! You were and still are one of a kind and I'll always keep u in my heart until we meet again for eternity!!!! Until then.... know I'll always love you and I miss u every single day!!! Always and forever young at 30!!!

You are my main focus to continue life in a positive manner because that's what YOU taught me to do!!!!! I love u more than u will ever know!!!! Love your bestie and sister.. shannon???? MERRY CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN??

Account 5

Merry Christmas in heaven terry!! We love and miss you so much! Bella prays to you every night!! I wish you could see how much she has grown and how beautiful she is!!! I haven’t seen her smile in a long time but we finally caught a beautiful smile in these pictures which we are sending to heaven for you! Please keep watching over our sweet girl! We MISS YOU ALWAYS!!!????????????????????

Account 6

December 22 at 1:41 AM

He was 19 years old.

He died last Sunday in his apartment from a heroin overdose.

His mother wanted me to share his story.

She doesn’t want to sugarcoat what happened.

She wants people to know the ugly truth of drug addiction.

The ugly truth about heroin.

The ugly truth that it can happen to anyone.

Heroin doesn’t care if you’re young or old.

 If you’re rich or poor.

 If you’re black or white.

 Heroin doesn’t care.

Amanda says:

Kids are DYING and people are too afraid to be honest even in obituaries because of the social stigma.

How can I go on Craigslist right now and search for black roofing tar and find heroin for sale?

And clear sealant?

That means meth.

How do I know this and the police don’t?

Why isn’t this a weekly segment on the news?

My son had been clean for 10 months and working for the County of Marin.

 He had his own apartment.

 We found out he was using on July 24 2017.

 We sent him to a rehab that cost $45,000 for 45 days.

Then we sent him to intensive out patient rehab for another 3 months and then a sober living house in Mill Valley for a year.

He relapsed and died alone in his bed.

He was the most gentle soul.

He had a 6 year-old brother Clyde.

He promised to wake up on Christmas Eve so they could look for Santa together.

He was my best friend.

The last thing he’s said to me was:

"I’m ok mom I love you too."

That was at 10:20 on Saturday Night.

He always answered my calls.

But on Sunday morning he didn't.

And I just knew.

The only way I can explain this pain is that every cell in my body that created my son is on fire yearning to hold him again.

It’s a physical pain I feel only a mother would know.

It’s in my bone marrow.

Just a deep yearning to touch him and hold him.

My husband took Giancarlo’s brother Clyde out for a drive to tell him what happened.

He told Clyde:

“I know you see a lot of family coming over and you probably don’t know why.”

Clyde said:

"No I don’t dad”

He said:

“He had an invisible disease that made him sad and he took medicine that the doctor did not give him and it made him very sick and he died and went to heaven.”

I wasn’t there but my husband said that my son gave a gut wrenching scream that didn’t sound like it could come from a six year old.

He then brought him home through the back door and he laid in bed with me and covered his face with a blanket and fell asleep.

He will be buried on January 7th.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

 I’m learning now that it also takes a village to bury a child.

I don’t know what the solution is but we have to open the conversation in a big way.

Please use my son’s story.

Please help me warn parents that this is out there.

Even in Napa.

Please help me help other families.

Please, please, please.

It’s all I can do now

Account 7

On November 17th my boyfriend of 10 years died in a hotel room from an overdose. I had no clue he was using hard drugs. He was an alcoholic. When the cops knocked on my door at 2:30am I thought he was sleeping upstairs. Looking back, there were subtle red flags that meant nothing alone but mean everything now. Completely devastated and can't even begin to grieve without knowing what the hell was going on??

I'm still waiting on the toxicology report. I've spoken with the overdose unit and begged the detective for some information and the only thing he would tell me is there was a syringe found. I received the police report and of course they redacted anyting pertaining to Medical, as his privacy is protected even after death.

They reported having found a syringe, a small baggie of marijuana, and the bottom of a beer can. After the word beer can there is what looks to be a couple words blacked out. There is no comma after the beer can and I can tell the first letter of the word blacked out starts with a "w". I am thinking that word is "with". My first thoughts were it was a drug. But they didn't black out the baggie of marijuana so why would they blackout whatever was in the bottom of that beer can if it was a drug? Can anyone help me figure out what it might say?

Account 8

Today my bro would have been 34 but he never made it past 19 i miss him so much and wonder how he would have turned out sadly drugs took my best friend away from me today im struggling because ive turned on the wrong path i guess im just trying to numb the pain will i make it or ever come out this dark hole i need help i want help but don't know how

Account 9

Warning TRIGGER WARNING     I lost my oldest son to Fentanyl/Heroin in February, Still in deep grief n shock pain like my guts being ripped out.

I have a 3rd son addicted to Heroin/meth, He actually lives in a car w his using girlfriend. 2days ago We almost lost him, Hr had gone into Starbucks to shoot up , he locked the door , he woke on the floor clammy dripping w vomit and he saw his fingers black, no one noticed.

He cannot stay here due to behavior and I have grandkids here, , He called and pleaded to come here about a week, I went against the mom in me n said no, I told him to go to a live in treatment for 90 day to 6 mo, and I’ll let him come and rent a fully finished insulated tuff shed in my yard, Don’t trust him in the house .

I thought he was off Heroin cause he has suboxon , apparently he uses it but stops it when he wants to use, He is off methadone too cause it interfered with the high. I live knowing that at any time I may lose another son, I’m asking addicts on this site, what do you think? I am feeling helpless, Tonight it’s freezing out there, I paid for a motel got him for the eve, I had suggested to go to an er lobby to get warm, , Image is of autopsy of my oldest beloved son, Y incision and string used to sew brain back in , I’m sorry but it’s the end result of losing to this monster Heroin, Reason is to show- This addiction is real raw and soberingly gut wrenching

Account 10

To the person that killed my son...

We have 70 days until our 14-day trial and I am counting down each day. I am hoping for justice. I want a jury to know how much a person's action can destroy families lives... 

I want to say thank you for another horrible Christmas not having my son and their father ... 

When taking the boys home to their mom's house last night for Santa this morning ... Noah (7-year-old) was in the backseat and we noticed he was making sounds ... I asked if he was ok? he burst out crying and saying I miss my dad so much ... I want my dad to come home...  

So I took a child crying so hard back to his mom on a night that should be exciting in anticipation of Santa coming... 

I have to ask wasn't bad enough u killed his father 2 days before his 6th birthday. He will have to remember that the rest of his life... 

It shows holidays are not great for these boys...I am proud of the 11-year-old Isaiah ... he hugs Noah and comforts him ...knows how much he misses his dad...

The case we have is simple... They murdered my son

A Drug Ring Killed my son and two additional men. They sold CAPs as heroin but in reality, it contained no heroin and 4 types of fentanyl. The primary fentanyl was Acrylfentanyl that is resistant to Narcan. My son died almost instantly with the amount of fentanyl in his body. He did of a Fentanyl Analog Poisoning.  This leader already stated they knew it was a dangerous drug they sold as heroin. These men thought they bought heroin and they took a heroin dosage except it was fentanyl and as you can see the difference in dosage... This is premeditated murder.. regardless if it relates to drugs...

?The average cost of a single dose (0.1 g) of heroin purchased on the street has been reported as approximately $15–$20 in the U.S. state of Ohio

?Milligrams to Grams conversion table

0.1 g (average Cap amount for 10.00) = 100 mg (30 mg is lethal this is a 3 dose CAP)

?Acrylfentanyl lethal dosage is only 3 milligrams ( they took 10 xs the lethal amount of fentanyl )

 Account 11

Truly heartbreaking. No child should have to carry their parents ashes around their neck. There is help out there. You can do this. Reach out and get help please. Do not do this to your family. You are worth it. I believe in every single one of you. God please watch over this child and help her heal. Rest in peace ??????

Account 12

I need advice badly. My daughter is a heroin user. I will condense this story as best as I can. I have custody of her 2 children, and we haven't seen her for 8 months. She skyped with the children and I on Thursday night, and Friday I purchased a bus ticket, so she could come and spend Christmas with us. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was to remain clean while here. She has slept most of the time while here, and her kids have tried so gard to get her attention.  Last evening, it was evident that she was "dope sick", and she literally screamed at the children which upset them greatly. Meanwhile, I am cleaning up the kitchen, and her needles are exposed in her unzipped back pack for all to see. I told her tp come with me, as i didn't want to create a scene in front of the kids. I lost my temper. I told her to get out, and do NOT come back until she makes changes. You also have to understand that her kids were subjected to extreme abuse and saw a lot of drug use. Simply put, I do NOT want this in my home. I wish I handled the situation differently, but my daughter is VERY aggressive.  I wanted her out before anything esculated. Thanks for listening. I will see her today. Please, any advice would be appreciated. I love my daughter, but it is sure hard to love the addicted version??

Account 13

She passed away on December 5th 2018 from an overdose. She had been trying so hard to get clean. She OD'd was revived and did it again a few weeks later. This time she wasn't. We have to have a buddy system and they need to give those shots to people who have been addicted to heroin upon release from jail and rehab. I really believe that this will save lives!!

Account 14

This is my reality. This is the reality of what drugs do to you. You end up 6 foot deep in a grave, while your family cries their heart out and begs God to bring you back. The pain NEVER goes away. It NEVER gets easier. I am so lost without him here. My heart is shattered. With each passing day I miss him more. And my hatred grows deeper for the drugs that we were surrounded with.

Account 15

I talked to a lady tonight, she is one of the local addicts, we talked for awhile and I let her ramble on. She had all the “normal” reason why people get addicted but she was quick to point out it wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own. She knows what she is doing is going to kill her she is sad that her family will be hurt and she is upset about that. She told me In 15 years she could remember she had two clean. I told her that just because her family was using tough love didn’t mean they didn’t love her it meant that they love her enough to say enough is enough. She may or may not be trying to get into rehab. But knowing what I went through after my son died I had to give her a chance to just talk. Sometimes we only see through our eyes. I was looking through her eyes and saw a lady who is so lost. She is homeless and in her late 30’s. I saw her through mom’s eyes. A little girl lost. I saw her through her child’s eyes. A mommy who isn’t there anymore. 

So tonight when you say your prayers, pray for the addicts, pray for the parents, pray for the children but most of all pray that we may see people beyond the stigma. 

Peace and love. 

Account 16

Having a tough day today, remembering how many years of tough days we had together. My brother and I were 362 days different in age so for 3 days I'd hear how he was finally as old as me, damn that bugged me as a kid. He was just brilliant, could get straight A's without even opening a book where I struggled to keep my C average while studying my ass off, jerk. And then there's all the crap that addiction brings, chaos, ruined holidays, late night runs to the hospital because, thanks to a higher power, his "friends" dumped him in the ER or at least at the hospital for an overdose. I would take it all back now if I could.

Account 17

I'm struggling today! I'm not the one struggling with an addiction, but my son is. He started drinking and smoking marijuana at the age of 14. He has progressed to crystal meth and cocaine in the last little while, I don't really know how long.

Two months ago I got a phone call from police that they had picked him up wandering the streets at 8:30 in the morning in another county. I found out later that he was actually involved in joyriding in a stolen truck and breaking into parked cars, all while high on meth the night before.

There was a police chase and all four had ditched the truck and ran. When I picked him up he was limping and was so high still. I brought him to the hospital a day and a half later because he didn't seem to getting better, his lags were hard as rocks and I was concerned there was a blood clot. He didn't have a blood clot, he was in liver failure and on edge of needing kidney dialysis. A normal liver enzyme count is around 150-200, his measured more than 23,000. My boy just turned 16 a month ago. He stayed in the hospital for 3 days. The thought of him being discharged scared the hell out me because as long as he was there, he was safe. I reached out to one of the nurses there and asked her would there be a discharge plan because I don't know how to do this. Her advice to me was to start being a parent because this didn't happen overnight and this was 16 years in the making.

This woman didn't know my story and I felt like she was telling me this was my fault. I've never had an issue with addiction and it's never been an influence in their lives. But I pushed on in the fight to get help for my child. He, in the last few weeks, have become more aggressive and abusive. He says he smokes meth to stop him from cutting himself.

He has become a danger to be around his younger sisters. I called the police two nights ago for fear of his life, I told him he needed help because he came home high again. He was threatening to slit his wrists. The police didn't see that he was a danger to himself and advised me to let him stay the night and talk about in the morning. This morning I have made the most heart breaking choice I had ever had to make.

With an addiction counselor here, I told him he had to leave because I had to protect the girls and I couldn't watch him kill himself anymore. I told him about the youth shelters here and if/when he is ready to go to rehab I will help him through it. Some people support my decision and some people don't. This is so hard!

Account 18

Okay! I get it!

I lost my daughter due to heroin.

She will always be in my heart.

I have replied to many of you- addicts and many that lost a friend or a child or a loved one.

All I can say at this point is that if you are addicted- then get help and never walk away from what you are suffering- there is a totally different world other than drugs.

Live and learn!

You are the one that can make a difference in how our world turns!

Account 19

I am new to the group from West Virginia. I started using opiates in 99 and been bouncing in and out of clinics since 07. I am in medicated assisted recovery, I been in and out of methadone and suboxone clinics since 2007. In March of this year a friend and I was outside of a local krogers getting high after just hooking up. I did my mine first and faded out when I came to my friend was purple in the face and in a overdose. I panicked, I punched, splashed water and did make shift CPR. By Gods grace he came to minutes before I was going to call for help. That moment was enough for me to call it quits and get back on suboxone. I have only use dope on 2 occasions since. My friend that overdosed, me, my gf and my sis were all supposed to quit on March 5th, I buried my sister on May 11th. 

Without a doubt it was my greatest loss , and how it all played out will haunt me to my grave. I made a friend earlier in spring, my sis quickly developed a crush on him and was at my house daily to see him. Little did she know he would split when she needed him most. From Friday evening May 4th to early morning hours of May 6th my sis, James and a girl named Caitlyn smoked meth and crack, late Sunday Morning May 6th it was time to come down, taking benzo or opiates was nothing new to help slow things down. She had unwashed poppy seeds and liquid etizolam which is a benzo. Trust me my sis and I did alot of dope together to think the tea did her in is ridiculous but it did. She went into respiratory depression, they panicked, cleaned up and called her dad who lives 30 minutes away instead of 911. My sis slipped away on a beautiful spring day, and though she ingested the fatal toxins on her own free will, I hold them accountable for not seeking help. I feel she got cheated, and I always will.

So though I still struggle with addiction I can without a doubt say it has ruined my life and all around around me. Sorry for a choppy story I just needed to talk about it. 

 EDIT I do have a another great reason to plug along I have a 7 year old daughter who's mother has no contact. On September 30 of this year I got pulled over on my way home was allegedly charged with 3 possession charges came 2 felony. See mugshotswv and search my name. I just get overwhelmed. I blame no one but myself for my actions. I made life what it is. Thank you I felt i could share this with you all without feeling ashamed. 

Account 20

He was just a young man struggling in life. I gave him a job, he was a talented mechanic. Him and his girlfriend broke up and I was not aware he was sleeping at my garage until recently. I allowed him to stay temporally, do to the fact he was a good employe and what he does in his personal life is none of my business. Last night at 5pm his girlfriend called me "instead of 911" and said he hung himself from the garage rafters as he video chatted her. I'm 45 minutes away. By the time I arrived it was total chaos. Police everywhere my garage is a crime scene. Here is the sad part. Except for helping him out giving him a job and a place to lay his head till he figured it all out, I new nothing about his family friends NOTHING.... I didnt even have his correct last name. I never noticed any thing out of the normal. I had nothing...

Except shock. Suicide doubles around holidays, don't know if he was high or not but just saying, he took his life and no one should feel that alone that they hang themselves with a bungy cord in a dark cold garage. May he rest in peace.

Account 21

Looking for help.....don't know where to turn...my niece is an addict drugs of choice are herion and meth....at this point she mixes them and injects them....she has 2 beautiful children who have already lost their father to a herion overdose about 4 years ago...my niece recently she lost full custody of both her children....they have been in a temporary guardianship with their aunt on their fathers side of the family however the courts just ruled last week that at this point the ain't has full custody!!! My niece is currently on the run from police out of 3 counties in PA and she is currently homeless....no one in the family has seen or spoken to her in weeks!!! I know that she isn't going to get sober until she is ready but as her aunt I want her to be ready yesterday!!!! Just looking for advice...I already basically cut her off I refuse calls and if she happens to reach out I ask her if she is ready to get help and when she replys no I simply say ok holly I love u however I will no longer enable you so when you are ready for help call me..and I end the conversation. I guess what I'm wondering is when is enough enough she lost the father of her children....she lost her children....she lost her home...she doesn't have a job....she has been in and out of jail....and rehabs....what does it take for a person to finally be ready!!!????????????

 Account 22

As many of my friends know, I lost my brother (21) and mom (58) in a 10 day period this past summer. Many people assumed overdoses, and you would be half right. Justice was 2 days shy of his 22nd birthday. From what we can gather he had been using about a month. Why he started is beyond me, but I guess anyone who does drugs has their own personal reason for choosing to try it the first time. Given our family history with addiction, I assumed that he would be smart enough to not even try, but he did. Justice didn’t “shoot up”, but when you get ahold of something with FENTANYL in it, it doesn’t much matter your means for ingesting. It killed him. Devastating and heart breaking to say the least. So many hearts broken. He had a sense of humor, and a great heart and sometimes I get so mad that he made the stupid decision to try that mess, knowing and seeing what it can do to people. His services were beautiful. Thanks to his amazing employers and helping to raise funds for a proper burial everything was perfect as it could be.

My Mother was in pieces, and rightfully so, Justice was her baby boy with his whole life ahead of him. We gathered what we could of his things and she took them with her. She spent the next few days with her mom and then boarded a bus to head back home to North Carolina. I talked to her from the morning up until she boarded, and even once she was seated. I told her to call me at her next stop because she wasn’t feeling well. A few hours went by and I hadn’t heard from her so I called. I assumed she was napping on the bus so I waited and called again, still no answer. That evening I finally got a call back on my cell from her phone, but it wasn't her. It was a man. The coroner. A call that NOBODY ever wants to get for anyone, but specifically their mother. She was gone. She stopped breathing on the bus and died. The cause? Fentanyl. The source? My brother’s wallet, where he had apparently stored his laced drugs. It took weeks to get the results back but the toxicology for my mom, brother, and wallet (yes I requested it be tested) all came back positive for fentanyl.

The purpose of sharing this? Well a couple reasons. I saw a post about drug residue on a changing table- I want people to know it’s out there and it is killing people. It isn't just killing users or addicts or “junkies”, it is killing INNOCENT bystanders. It killed my mom. I know the source, and I am praying that the police do something with the information that I have given them because it has to be stopped. I am sharing this because if you are an addict who is in recovery then CELEBRATE. Celebrate a week clean, a month, 2 months, a year…. CELEBRATE life. It is short and it is precious and RECOVERY should be celebrated. If you are currently using, there will be 2 outcomes for you. You will either die, or live fighting your addiction for the rest of your life. And if you have never used, for the Love of God please don’t. It isn’t worth it. Life has so much to offer and it isn’t worth even trying one time. I can’t say that I understand the struggle from the point of view of an addict because I have never been in their shoes, but as someone who has had their WORLD ROCKED by the addictions of people around them, I whole heartedly believe that SOMETHING has to be done. This is a deadly epidemic- I don’t have the answers but I just hope and pray that something changes and maybe, just maybe, this post might help someone.

I miss my brother and mom every day. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about them. I am so sad and disappointed that my brother made the horrible decision to use, but I am beyond devastated that it took the life of my mother as well. I know that they were both believers, and I find some comfort knowing they are in a better place now with our dad. Mom and Dad, we will see you again one day. I love you all and miss you so much.

 Account 23

I lost a good friend to this freaking disease, she passed away on Sunday the toxicology report hasn't come back but most likely it is Xanax and Percocet. My heart goes out to her family. The sad part is her ex husband was my dealer. It is so sad. I'm just glad I got off of those. I've been free of Percocet and Xanax since April 2017 and grateful every day. One day at a time.

Account 24

I lost my dad today to addiction :( and I am suffering from heartbreak. And I have to watch my 11 year old cry her eyes out for the first time. We have to end this.