The Stories We Tell Ourselves

We are all storytellers, whether we realize it or not. We all tell stories about who we are, our capabilities, where we’re going, and why things happen the way they do. And we do it all day long.

The stories we tell ourselves are a powerful force that shapes our lives. It’s a narrative based on our experiences and interpretation of data and facts as we see them. Not false, but not necessarily the whole truth—just one person’s view. People could look at the same situation or event and tell a different story.

Our stories can change how we see the world.

Our construct and interpretation of our experiences and past events shape our stories and who we will become. For example, if we’ve had positive life experiences, we’re more likely to tell ourselves a positive story. On the other hand, if we have had negative experiences or have a negative outlook on life, we’re more likely to tell ourselves a negative story.

John Assaraf, a brain and success expert, said, “The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives. They shape who we believe we are, and this belief translates into who we become.”?Therefore, we must pay attention and check the accuracy of our story to prevent the narrative from becoming a self-sabotaging force.

We are a meaning-making species. Whatever we feed our mind, we experience it.

The psychologist Dan McAdams has studied people's stories about the “arc of their lives.” His research found that people leading meaningful lives tell stories defined by redemption, growth, and love. On the other hand, people who believe their lives lack meaning tend to tell what he calls “contamination stories,” where the good is ruined by the bad—like I got my dream job, but it made my marriage fall apart.

Decades of research in cognitive behavior—how we think, feel, and act—and narrative psychology have shown that we do not need to be confined by the negative stories we tell ourselves. Instead, we can change our stories and lives if we’re brave enough to confront our deepest thoughts and emotions.

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