Stop waiting for others to change

In 2024, I had the privilege of working with leadership teams from growth-stage to IPO bound companies in biotech, crypto, healthtech and software. Through coaching C-suite executives, one theme surfaced again and again: the biggest challenges leaders face almost always come down to relationships.

Whether it is a frustration with a manager, tension with a peer, or dissatisfaction with a direct report, relationships are often the greatest source of stress at work. These frustrations show up in familiar ways: “My CEO is not collaborative.” “My peers are too demanding.” “My direct report does not take ownership.”

And while those feelings are valid, what I have learned is that the key to improving these dynamics lies in a subtle but powerful shift: taking responsibility for your own role in the relationship.

This is not about blaming yourself for everything that is wrong or excusing others' behavior. It is about asking questions that bring the focus back to what you can control:?

• How am I showing up??
• How might I be contributing to this dynamic??
• What’s one thing I can do to shift the relationship?

Blame Keeps Us Stuck. Responsibility Unlocks Change

When you take responsibility for a relationship, something happens: the locus of control shifts from the other person to yourself. Instead of feeling stuck, you gain agency. You move from waiting and blaming to acting and influencing- and that’s how relationships change:

• If your peer is not collaborative, how can you model collaboration yourself?
• If your direct report is not taking ownership, how can you set clearer expectations and demonstrate accountability??
• If your CEO is not decisive, how can you advance the decision making process?

Blame may feel justified, but it just keeps us stuck. Blame says: “The problem is outside of me, so the solution is outside of me too.” It leaves us waiting for the other person to change. It leaves us feeling powerless.

Responsibility flips the script. It says: “If I am part of the problem, I am also part of the solution.” Responsibility shifts control back to you. It gives you the power to act and influence the relationship.

Improving relationships is not easy, but it starts with a shift to a responsible mindset. When you show up differently, you will find others do too.??