Stop using these three phrases at work (plus, what you can say instead)

So much of our success and satisfaction at work boils down to how we communicate with one another.?We spend most of our workday using our words – whether typed or spoken, in-person or over Zoom – to communicate with colleagues, managers, customers, and clients.??

The choices we make in our written and verbal communications are integral to how we present ourselves at work – especially for those of us who work primarily from home.?

• Are you thoughtful and caring or rash and inconsiderate?
• Are you powerful and effective or meek and unproductive??
• Are you focused on the most important things or distracted by minutiae??

Yes, the quality of your work plays a role in these impressions too – but how you talk about and position yourself and your work speaks volumes on its own.?

?Now, I don't want you to agonize over every word that comes out of your mouth (at least not any more than you already do) – they won't all be perfect, and that's ok! What matters are the trends in how you communicate and present yourself?over time. And I'm willing to bet you're overusing?at least?one of the phrases below.?

Here are 3 phrases you should stop using (or limit) at work, and what you can say instead…?

? “I think…”?instead try?? “I recommend….”

I love this recommendation I'm borrowing from?Kerri Voyles?on how to get your colleagues to take your suggestions more seriously.?

?In a meeting (or an email chain, Slack channel, etc.) shift from saying "I think we should do xyz" to saying "I recommend xyz ... *because* [fill in with supporting points]." As Kerri Voyles writes:

This language positions your opinion with authority. Your suggestions become recommendations. Recommendations produce a more fruitful dialogue and allow you to ask clarifying questions as to why your leader may take a differing view.?

?There are a few other things I like about this shift.?

• Clearly saying “I recommend” ties the suggestion to you – it is?YOUR?recommendation (not Tom's, not Evan's, yours). Sure, it's a small change, but it can make it a little bit harder for someone to take credit for your idea. “I think we should…” doesn't draw the same distinction.
• But at the same time, you aren't overstating your confidence or over-guaranteeing certain outcomes. The group will still need to agree with your recommendation?and?they have an opportunity to ask questions about your supporting evidence.

A note for leaders:?Do your best to hold off on sharing your own recommendations until after you've heard from the group. And, once a decision is made, take time to acknowledge everyone who shared an idea to encourage future participation.??

? “I'm sorry…”?instead try ? “Thank you….”

One of my favorite reframes, is to give gratitude in moments where you are tempted to apologize. So many of us reflexively say “I'm sorry” for things we shouldn't be apologizing for: taking off work to care for a sick child, rescheduling a meeting because something urgent came up, advocating for what we need to do our best work.?

Some examples:

• “I'm sorry for getting this to you a day late, the CEO needed me to hop an urgent request yesterday” >>> “Thanks for your flexibility on this, I know the CEO appreciated me being able to jump in on an urgent request."
• I'm sorry we had to reschedule this meeting because my kid was sick." >>> “Thank you all for making this new meeting time work, Lily was home from school last week with a fever, and I wanted to postpone until I could give you my undivided attention.”

See how this reframing isn't just about the intro phrase… we're also giving the person at the other end of the conversation a reason to feel appreciated and validated instead of annoyed by our delays or family obligations.?

A note for leaders:??In the right moments, apologies can be a powerful way to build trust and connect with your team. If you have done something wrong that negatively impacted your team, it may be appropriate to apologize for your role in the bad outcome. This isn't about refusing to apologize, it's about not over-apologizing.

? “Does that make sense?”?instead try ? “What questions can I answer.”

The intention behind this is good – you've wrapped up our thoughts and want to make sure that your presentation and instructions were clear. And I agree with Brené?Brown here (though, not always) “clear is kind.”?

The problem when you ask if something makes sense is that?you come off as uncertain and unconfident in what you've presented. Do you think you've made sense? If you don't think so, why did you waste my (the listener's) time? Of course people will have questions, and you want to answer them, but you don't want them to be questioning whether you know what you're talking about. The shift to “What questions can I answer” accomplishes your goal of clarity without discounting your expertise.?

A note for leaders:?“What questions can I answer” or “What questions do you have?” is also a good substitute for “Are there any questions?” If those you are speaking with might be intimidated to ask follow-ups or question what you've presented, this phrasing helps signal that you assume there will be questions and welcome them.

Want help preparing for an important conversation or presentation at work? My?30-min Career SOS chats?are the perfect bite-size session for us to brainstorm messaging that is powerful & effective.?Click here to learn more and book a session.