Stop Using Divisive Words

At a time when America is growing more divided along racial and political lines, leadership matters more than ever. Words matter, and every one of us can either exacerbate the problem or help remedy it by the words that we use in our conversations and posts.

The words I'd like to caution us against are THEY and THEM, because they can have unintended consequences as they deepen the divide when we are in desperate need for unity.

At a time when we seem to be obsessed with false dichotomies, it is important to find common ground and one way to do so is to not paint all members of a certain group with a broad brush and stereotype THEM, because THEY are not all the same.

There are "peaceful protesters" and there are "those who incite violence." THEY are not all the same, so let's not talk about THEM as if they are.

There are many "honorable police officers" and then there are the "ones who dishonor the uniform they wear." THEY are not all the same, so let's not talk about THEM as if they are.

There are elected officials who are "true public servants" and ones who are "self-centered opportunists." THEY are not all the same, so let's not talk about THEM as if they are.

There are non-black people who are "at worst, actively racist toward blacks and at best, unintentionally and unknowingly supporting racist policies" and then there are those who are actively advocating and fighting for racial equity and being "Antiracist." THEY are not all the same, so let's not talk about THEM as if they are. (For more on the idea of being an antiracist, follow Dr. Ibram X. Kendi's work and read his book, How to be an Antiracist.)

"THEY/THEM" are the hallmarks of all stereotypes. There are those who use these words to demonize people and pit them against one another and use the division to their advantage and then there are the well meaning "good people" who just bundle people into the same category and reduce them to the lowest common denominator, as one of my well-meaning friends, who is a good person, wrote in this quote in response to the recent protests that resulted in property damage.

There is so much opportunity in re-framing this message and expressing concern about the violence without further separating US from THEM and :

1. WE (not just THEY) have a valid point and reason to be upset. This ought to be OUR cause, not just THIER cause.
2. If YOU find it hard to have compassion and empathy for senseless killing and your compassion and empathy are conditional based upon what THEY say and do, please look at yourself, not THEM.
3. Who is the "THEY" that is causing the damage? At the time of this writing, there is overwhelming information that says much of the property damage was not even done by the local people who were there to peacefully protest! Perhaps we can acknowledge that all of THEM are not there for the same reason and THEY are not all criminals.
4. Yes, THEY do have a valid reason to be upset but it is exacerbated by the fact that so many of us think that "THEY have a valid reason to be upset" and not that "WE have a valid reason to be upset."
5. Name calling and calling THEM idiots is always divisive.

The same message could have been conveyed in a way that unites, rather than divide: "There is definitely just cause for us all to be upset. I have so much compassion and empathy for the people and families who have been directly affected. I'm afraid the property damage and riots are going to hurt our cause. I hope the people who are inciting violence and starting riots at these peaceful protests are brought to justice."

Let us not contribute to the stereotypes. Let us not use language that separates people on the basis of the color of their skin or their profession or any other label society has give them. Let's call out the good and the bad, no matter where we see it and unite in distinguishing good from evil.

Let's examine our own biases that cause us to turn a blind eye to the atrocities that our so called "allies" commit when we know in our heart that we would have been outraged had they been committed by our perceived "adversaries." (i.e. Political parties, races, ...) There is definitely no shortage of opportunity for you to speak up against rhetoric and actions that are diving us. We see and hear it literally every day. The choice is yours to look the other way or use your voice to unite us.

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About the Author: Amir Ghannad is an international keynote speaker, author of The Transformative Leader, leadership consultant, culture transformation champion, and founder of The Ghannad Group. He has made it his life's work to guide leaders and equip them with the tools, skills, and the mindset necessary to create extraordinary workplace cultures that deliver breakthrough results. Download his free e-book, titled 5 Practical Steps to Make Your Culture Transformation Stick by clicking here.

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Want to get in touch with Amir? Email [email protected]