Stop Trying to Gain Confidence: Embrace a Spirit of Service Instead

As a coach, I often encounter professionals who are hindered by their quest for confidence. They believe that once they are confident enough, they will be successful. However, this approach can inadvertently foster feelings of inadequacy and impostor syndrome. Instead of fixating on gaining confidence, I encourage you to shift your mindset to one of service. This simple pivot can dramatically change how you perceive your role and capabilities, especially in fields as impactful as therapy and counseling.

The Trap of Seeking Confidence

Confidence is generally seen as a prerequisite for success. Many believe that without it, they cannot perform effectively or advance in their careers. This belief can be particularly paralyzing for therapists, who might feel they aren't expert enough to help their clients or doubt their skills. The more they focus on their perceived lack of confidence, the more dominant the impostor syndrome becomes.

Switching to a Service Mindset

The concept is simple yet profound: focus on the value you are adding rather than on your own feelings of self-worth. When you switch to an attitude of service, your primary goal is to contribute positively to others’ lives, which shifts the focus away from internal doubts. This perspective encourages you to think less about whether you're good enough and more about how you can help.

Why Service Overcomes Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome thrives on self-focused questions like, "Am I good enough?" or "What will others think of me?" When you commit to serving others, these questions shift to "How can I help?" or "What does this person need?" This shift in focus naturally diminishes self-doubt and builds genuine confidence through action and the value you provide.

Implementing a Service Mindset

To cultivate a spirit of service, start by integrating small, actionable steps into your daily routine. Here are three affirmations to help you realign your mindset each day:

"I am here to make a difference in my clients' lives, and every small step I take creates meaningful change."

This affirmation helps you recognize the impact of your work, emphasizing that the value you provide does not require perfection to be profound.

"Every question I ask, every session I conduct, and every piece of advice I give is aimed at bettering the lives of others, not proving my worth."

Use this affirmation to reinforce the idea that your work is not a test of your value but a contribution to the welfare of others.

"My purpose is to serve, and in serving, I grow and learn as a professional."

This emphasizes that personal and professional growth is a byproduct of your dedication to service, not a prerequisite to start helping others.

Conclusion

Remember, we are all inherently valuable and capable of contributing positively to our environments. As therapists, your ability to impact your clients' lives doesn't stem from an unshakeable self-confidence but from your commitment to their well-being and your continual effort to serve. By adopting a service mindset, you naturally build the confidence that once seemed so elusive, not through self-affirmation alone but through the real, tangible value you provide every day.

In embracing service, you liberate yourself from the need for confidence and open up a path to genuine self-assurance built on meaningful interactions and successes. Let's move forward with the mantra that we are all good enough to serve, and from there, everything else will follow.