Stop Trusting Yourself So Much

New Year's resolutions are pretty much meaningless for most people. Very few keep them for even the first month of the year.

· I’m going to lose weight.

· I’m going to be healthier.

· I’m going to exercise regularly.

· I’m going to make more money.

· I’m going to start my own business.

I’ve heard it all before, and yet I can’t recall a time when I’ve had someone come to me later in the year and tell me about how they’ve kept their New Year’s resolution and what it meant to them. Why is that? There are lots of different reasons and excuses for not keeping your resolutions, but I believe the root of most excuses is a lack of self-discipline.

Most people want to eat healthier or lose weight, but if we can’t even control what we put in our mouths for more than 3 weeks, how in the world are we going to accomplish our huge life goals? Is someone going to come along and just hand it to you? If you’re like 99% of people, the answer is no; you only get what you earn. If you’re in a sales position, you know this to be especially true because as salespeople we’ve all heard “you only eat what you kill.” That’s the biggest reason I chose to go into sales- you’re rewarded by the amount of effort you put in. If you outwork everyone, you should make more money than everyone. If it were possible, I wish all jobs could be tied to how well you perform and the quality of work you produce. If you disagree, let me know in the comments.

A lack of self-discipline starts, innocently enough, when kids today are handed things they never earned (participation trophies, seriously??). They’re given grades they don’t deserve, and are passed on because of the “no child left behind” rule.

• Let me pause here for a minute- I am in full agreement that special accommodations need to be made for people with REAL disabilities; I have a disability (though you can’t see it) and am actually covered under ADA, but honestly, I try to work harder than anyone else to make up for it, and it’s served me very well in my career so far. I’ve never let my disability hold me back, because you’re only as disabled as you let yourself be. Take some of the most influential business minds in the world today: both Daymond John and Richard Branson have diagnosed dyslexia which can be a crippling disadvantage, but they never let that stop them.

But I’ll get back on track with the rest of the post…

I feel like I can say this about kids today because I’ve seen it firsthand, although I don’t have kids of my own. However, most the women, and several of the men in my family are involved in education. It’s a broken system starting from the top down, and that’s why generation after generation is getting worse and becoming more entitled. They expect things they don’t earn and get angry when they get into the workforce and their boss expects them to work for a paycheck. Why should they have to work if they have never had to work for anything they’ve gotten? Why learn self-discipline if it’s never benefitted them in the past? Just do what you want and everything you need will be handed to you; that’s the way it works, right? The sad thing is, it’s not completely their fault… those in authority over them are enabling them to be spoiled, lazy, and entitled; something I was never allowed to be growing up, thank God. I started working every summer when I was 12 years old. Painting houses, doing yardwork, doing odd jobs at my school during the summer; all on top of mandatory weight lifting 5 days a week for sports. I didn’t have time to be lazy, and looking back, it was a huge blessing!

So how can we learn some self-discipline and begin making meaningful steps toward our life and career goals? As humans, we are pre-programmed to follow the path of least resistance, so it makes sense that if we can do the bare minimum to get by and survive, we will. If you’re not satisfied with just getting by, read on and learn some of the ways I try to live a more disciplined life. I’m by no means a pro at this yet, but I have had a lot of trials in my life that have helped me develop character and live a more disciplined life, which in the end will make you much happier, trust me.

The first step to leading a more disciplined life is to STOP TRUSTING YOURSELF SO MUCH. Especially during the beginning phases of your new habits and lifestyle, you are going to want to revert to your old habits of laziness and comfort, it’s just human nature! Breaking old habits can be extremely difficult, especially if you’ve been doing them for a number of months or even years.

In the not so distant past, I was having a very difficult time with a painful, chronic illness, and my doctors had me on copious amounts of pain medication for nearly a year just so I could get out of bed in the mornings. It became habit to wake up an hour before I had to be out of bed and take a pain pill just so I could get up without being in agonizing pain. It was especially hard because I averaged between 2–3hrs of sleep a night because of high doses of Prednisone (worst medication ever). Some of the side effects I experienced from Prednisone were mood swings, depression, aggression, insomnia, joint and muscle pain, and not to mention it ate a hole in my stomach before it put me in the hospital.

When I came to the end of myself, completely overwhelmed, I knew I had to make some changes in my habits. I had to get out and push myself and strengthen my body, and more importantly, stop feeling sorry for myself. I’m not saying this to brag; I’m saying it because if I could come back from that point in my life, you certainly can too.

When I say stop trusting yourself so much, I mean stop thinking you can change just through sheer willpower and telling yourself “I’m going to change”. Sometimes that works, but a lot of times it doesn’t. Trust me, I tried a lot; we are much weaker than we think. That’s why it’s important to put processes in place in your life then communicate what you hope to accomplish through them with the people around you. It can be as simple as putting your alarm clock in a different room so you HAVE to get out of bed; anything that MAKES you do what you promised yourself and those close to you you’d do.

A lot of us don’t want to tell others about our goals because we are afraid of what those people are going to say if we fall off the wagon and go back to our old habits. Once we say something, it’s out there. We can’t take it back; the only 2 choices are to succeed or look like an idiot because you failed to keep your promises and reach your goals. Why not use that fear of failure to drive you to make some real changes?

It helped me immensely once I got my wife and family involved in my goals. I even put them on a vision board in my office so I would have to look at them every single day and be reminded of the promises I made to my family and myself. One thing that was very important to me was to get off a lot of the medication I was on. I actually came off about 6 different doctor prescribed medications at once, and it probably could’ve killed me, but I was able to fight through with their help and am now on less medication than I’ve ever been on, thank God!

In addition to putting processes in place to make meaningful changes, you need to get clear on why you actually want to change. Do you want to be healthier? Happier? Make more money? Spend more time with your family? What is it that makes you tick and drives you to work hard? Think about how much happier you would be if you were able to accomplish those things. Think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY, and imagine that you’ve already achieved those things. Feel in your heart what it’s like to reach your goals; it will keep you motivated to keep working toward them.

For me, it’s being able to spend more time with my wife. I want nothing more in life than to one day have a flexible enough work schedule so I can spend as much time with her as I want (which is basically all the time I have)! So what is it for you?

If you’d like some input on setting life goals, please reach out to me. I’d love to share mine with you and help you get started on the path to a meaningful career with a solid end goal in mind.

One more thing I am working diligently to change is training my brain to go “positive” instead of “negative”. As humans, we always want to look for the negative things in our life so we can avoid them. Pain is a huge motivator for both humans and animals, but it can wreak havoc on your psyche if you constantly focus on the negative things you’re trying to avoid. Eventually, the more you dwell on it, the more those negative things will creep into your life. Proverbs 23:7- “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Instead of thinking about all the negative things you don’t want, start thinking about all the positive things you do want. For example: If you’re anti-war, why not be pro-peace instead? If you are battling addiction, instead of focusing on the addiction, think about how much happier you’d be with a clear mind; think about how much better you’d be able to love your family. A simple shift in thinking can make all the difference. Practice an attitude of gratitude, and it will eventually become second nature.

One practical way I’ve been training myself to do this is by keeping a small rock in my pocket; every time I touch that rock, I say to myself three things that I’m grateful for. It seems small, but I promise you it will make huge, positive changes in your life. You’ll also be much happier! If I’m not feeling well it’s so easy to think, “wow, I wish I didn’t feel this bad.” But I’ve seen a huge change in not only my mind but my body as well as I’ve practiced being grateful no matter the circumstance. Instead of saying “I wish I didn’t feel bad” I say, “I am thankful I have the resources I need at my disposal to live a long, healthy life.” It’s that easy! Practice it daily and it will become habit when you’re stressed, depressed, or otherwise angry.

There are many other ways to develop self-discipline; these are just of the ways I’m working on right now. If there’s something that has benefited you in the past, please share in the comments!

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-Nathan Kittrell