Stop Softening Tough Feedback

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Some time ago I learned to listen literally.?This means I listen to what is being said, without thinking I know ulterior motives, or think I can see an underlying intention in what someone is saying.?This was important because sometimes I perceived that someone’s body cues and tone of voice indicated something different from what was being said.

It is hard to tell someone the truth if it involves something difficult to hear. It becomes easy to be flowery around the periphery, as I like to say.?That means it is best not to fluff up the message with niceties but to zero in on what needs to be said.? Splitting focus by being too nice helps no one.

Nor does rudeness or stridency.?

The authors of this article talk about a “feedback sandwich:” two pieces of positive reinforcement wrapped around a thick slice of criticism.?This has often been the way of management, but it rarely achieves the goal of helping someone improve. It does not promote clarity.

The authors offer ways to state feedback efficiently and with constructive impact.?

1. Describe the behavior that you want to reinforce or correct. This should be free from evaluative (“you were”) language and instead consist entirely of constructive language.? In this way, posits the author, there is a possibility of separating observations from interpretations.
2. Explain the impact of the behavior. “You missed an opportunity to learn more about your client when …” Instead of something critical and easy to dismiss, such as “you were not effective when you,” or “you did it wrong.” Explaining the impact of the behavior invests the feedback with importance.? The relationship someone has with their manager is a vital element of the job environment, and if it’s being impacted, it’s important for that person to be aware of that.
3. Outline what you would like them to do. This can be accomplished through direct instruction.? People can’t change the past, - and asking questions like, “Why did you jump in?” feels like scolding, not coaching.? The goal of a feedback conversation is to resolve the issue for the future.? Not giving clarity and direction here is a guaranteed way to fail, and to make sure the goal one is trying you accomplish is not achieved.

I am working with a client who cannot give tough feedback.?He is constantly comparing himself to what happened to him with a former boss, who he says harassed him unmercifully with negative feedback.

Unfortunately, his employee is not improving.

So, we are working on just stating facts of what he observes on what may not be working with this person as well as what may not be working.?Then he works on stating his expectations and what he would like to see changed.

Of course, this doesn’t mean my client is able to transfer this direction to implementation with the employee.? This is a work in progress and going slowly.

It’s clear that to get better results one needs to ditch the feedback sandwich and focus squarely on the employee’s behavior you would like to change or reinforce, explain why, and discuss how to do it.? You will find it is a much more effective way to help employees improve.

It’s working for me.? What about you?

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