Stop and Smell the Roses - Part 1

After 24 years of a long career, I finally decided to stop and smell roses. On Oct 20, 2022,I said goodbye to my friends at eMeter, where I worked for the last 16 years. My?#careerbreak?announcement?on LinkedIn sparked curiosity among my connections and people wanted to know how I took this plunge.

The Trigger

I was probably living an unbalanced life for a long time. When the pandemic hit, it showed how life can change upside down in a moment. That wakeup call was good enough for me to start thinking about how I wanted to live the rest of my life. Unlike many who got affected by the pandemic, I am fortunate enough still to be alive and in good health. But now life started to feel like a real gift and I couldn't take it for granted anymore.

Then I started analyzing my day to day life. My priorities were job, family, friends and myself. Pie chart of my life was completely unbalanced with the job taking most portion of it. Whatever time I was spending with my family and friends wasn't even a quality time. I was just physically present but my mind was busy wandering in the past or future. And there was hardly any time I was spending just on myself. Life felt chaotic and out of control. My mind was never calm. I couldn't sleep well on most days. Didn't feel much energy throughout the day. I was facing?#anxiety?, forgetfulness, lack of concentration, lack of confidence,?#impostersyndrome?etc.

Realization

I didn't know what exactly to do at this point but I knew I needed to do something about it. I needed to better understand what is happening to me before I start working on the issues. For that I needed alone time for myself.

With the?#remotework?and?#distancelearning?situation, it was hard to get a?#metime?unless you claim it without feeling guilty. First thing I did was to claim my own one hour in the evening and utilized it for a nature walk. That provided some physical exercise, clear separation between work and personal life and provided necessary?#metime?to think about what was happening with my life.

I needed to research the issues I was facing so that I could work on those. I wasn't a great reader. I could read a couple of pages of articles but reading a book worth a couple of hundred of pages isn't my thing. But I could consume audio/video content very well. Used audio books from public libraries, purchased Audible subscription, joined youtube premium trial for 3 months, utilized youtube resources. I dedicate some time of my walk over the week for consuming the information, some to analyze and think about the action and some to purely enjoy the walk.

The First Step

First things I decided to take care of were?#sleepissues?and?#anxiety. I knew I needed professional help for this. I knew it was going to be expensive because unfortunately insurance doesn't have a great coverage for?#behavioraltherapy. I found someone who can help with those issues, but it was going to be a long road to recovery. While I was working on that, I continued my exploration on other topics. That is when I learned more about?#mindfulness?and?#impostersyndrome. These two topics deserve a post of their own and I will be working on it in the near future.

Mindfulness is an easier topic to understand but I found it difficult to implement in practice. I needed professional help here. I researched and found a good mindfulness coach from India who could help me with it remotely. At this point I decided to take my first break from work. I talked to my manager and explained to her that I needed a one month break and I didn't want anyone to contact me for any work related topic during this period. I was not going to read any work email during this period. As I explained my reasoning she was not only supportive but also applauded my decision and told me that very few actually think seriously about these issues. I also explained to my team about my decision and they assured me that I won't have to worry. These awesome people are the reason I worked there for the last 16 years.

I took that one month break in Oct 2021, completely disconnected from work, involved mindfulness and a life coach to get insight into what was happening. Those discussions with the coach revealed so many things about myself that I didn't know before. I was able to understand why I think the way I think, why I feel the way I feel. How my thinking and behavior was related to my core values and what were the trigger points for things which were stressing me out. He also introduced me to various?#meditation?techniques to be used throughout the day starting from the first thing in the morning after getting up to the last thing at night before sleeping. I understood the importance of?#attitudeofgratitude?. I understood the importance of owning your mornings and the impact it has on your entire day. The other resource which helped me to understand the world of?#mindfulness?was?#thepowerofnow?by Eckhart Tolle. And I used learnings from?#atomichabits?by James Clear to build good habits and continue those.

Changed...

When I came back from that one month break, I was a different person. I hadn't achieved everything that I had planned for in the break but I had taken care of some important issues and made important changes in my thinking and in my lifestyle. I could feel the difference in me, my family could feel the difference in me, even my manager felt the difference in me.

Now I was starting my day with meditation. I made sure that I didn't check my emails or messages until I am actually ready to start my work day. That helped me completely concentrate on my morning routine without starting any mind activity related to work. I felt more clarity and energy when I started my day. I blocked my calendar during my lunch hour so that no one schedules a meeting during that time. I established a practice of having lunch, followed by spending time in the backyard taking care of plants and then quick 5 minutes meditation before I returned to work. I continued my evening nature walks. I made an effort to spend quality time with my family in the evening. And I closed my day with 15 minutes of meditation and then gratitude prayer before sleeping.

Next...

So what really happened between then and now and why I decided to take an extended break from my career and rethink my life? You can find the details about it in the 2nd part of the article.