Stop Self Sabotaging-Long Term

Stop Self Sabotaging- Long Term

Do you find yourself going really well for a few months only to fall over just as things are getting good?

Do you find yourself getting busy, sick, injured, "bad lucked" or "good lucked" in ways that impact you achieving your goals?

Is there an area or areas of your life that you've never been able to really find the success you'd like?

If the above ring true, you're not alone....

Your Identity = Who are you?

Your identity involves everything that encompasses you!

What makes you unique? Your quirks, strong beliefs, likes and dislikes are all part of what makes you, you.

Many elements your identity include a large number of internal and external factors, such as community, family, friends, hobbies, life experiences, culture, nurturing, education, religion and much more.

Identity is a large factor in how you see the world, your perceptions and beliefs. The foundation of?what creates and unravels as your underlying or subconscious patterns, habits and consistent actions.

Unfortunately most have not been taught to take the time to investigate identity over their years and to really look at any past and current habits, patterns and behaviours that no longer serve them, and to then exchange them for those that do.?

?Showing Up In the Every Day

Years ago sitting outside a cafe, a friend mentioned a particular car they were dreaming of, saving for and dearly wanted.?

As we went onto a different discussion, about 30 minutes later, that very car happened to drive by, and you wouldn’t believe what was said, or perhaps you would....

As the car drove by, their eyes lit up as they smiled and said with excitement “oh there it is, that’s the car, look at it.”?

Without hesitation their face changed to a frown as “What a jerk, It’s probably on finance anyway” came out.?

Now limiting beliefs will show up at any time and the reasons for expressing this were discussed. Unless my friend identifies as a jerk, real problems will appear in getting to a point of enjoying that car for themselves.?

Their identity simply does not currently align with the required action needed to enjoy that car for themselves, nor with who they believe drives such a car.

As many people find along the way, your perception of who has achieved what you want to achieve, may not entirely match the perception you have of yourself.

The further you are away from identifying with your goals, the harder they will be to reach.

Focus and Flow

Remember, as Tony Robbins has said, “where your focus goes, energy flows”

If you are constantly or consistently thinking about an experience, event or trait, it will increase that or your awareness of that into your life

Do you have habits, patterns, beliefs or consistent thoughts that no longer serve you?

Are you aware of your inner dialogue and conversation?

Which would be more beneficial?

• I’m a non smoker. I haven’t smoked for 269 days and 12 hours
• I’m a really health conscious person now and enjoy feeling energised each day

One keeps the identity and so the struggle of a non smoker continues, the other releases that and changes to a health conscious person who would obviously not consider smoking again.?

• Oh, I’m not a morning person but I get up and drag myself to the gym
• I feel so much better after I get going and the gym energises me for the day

One keeps the identity of someone who is doing what they need to do begrudgingly to reach their goals, the other recognises and focuses on the positive feelings getting up and going to the gym provides.

To achieve more of what you DO want, not what you DON"T, it is integral to your success that your beliefs, feelings, thoughts, habits, patterns and actions interact, align and intertwine with who you are and who you are wanting to be.?

"What Got You Here, Won't Get You There"

It’s great to see posts about “just do it” “be disciplined” “find your why” etc. They are mostly valid and make good points, and they may help give you a boost, but they won’t help you to make the changes you need to stop sabotaging yourself.?

I can tell you the benefits and results you’ll get if you take a certain consistent action, but that won’t stop you from making excuses or repeating life long patterns if you haven’t taken a look at some of the underlying aspects of why you do what you do.

If you know that the thinking and behaviours you have now, won’t get you to where you want to go, that “what got you here, won’t get you there” what plan do you have in place to change from the person you are to who you want to be?

BE-DO HAVE?

Do your habits, patterns and beliefs match the actions you need to take to be who you need and want to be?

In the last newsletter I mentioned the Be-Do-Have approach.

Who do you need to Be, to Do what you need to do, to Have what you want to have??

How long do you think new habits of getting up early will last if you have a strong belief that says “i’m not a morning person” “ohhh I really don’t like mornings”?

How long do you think you will enjoy and stay at the gym for, if you have an underlying belief that says "people who go to the gym are muppets with muscles that like to look in the mirror?

How are you going to build new habits, patterns and behaviours to achieve your goals if you’re still connected and attached to your old identity in this area??

How do these old habits, patterns, and behaviours serve you currently??

Make no mistake, they serve you in some way, whether that be perceived as a positive or negative.?

So what do you do?

• Start by writing down your goals.
• Write down your current habits, patterns and behaviours that will support that goal.
• Write down your current habits, patterns and behaviours that do not support that goal.
• Then decide - “Are you willing to give up who you are, to be who you want to be?”?
• If the answer is yes, write down the new habits, patterns and behaviours you’d like to or need to exchange to BE-DO-HAVE

When was the last time you asked yourself who do I want and need to become, to achieve what I want to achieve?

If you really want to make changes for the better, and you'd like help with this I'm giving 5 free 30 minute sessions to those who are really ready.

Message me with "Identity" to claim your spot and look out for the next newsletter in this series of Creating Your Long Term Success.

Until then, here are 3 ways I can help you to be who you want to be

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