Stop Saying Yes.
As an entrepreneur, it’s absolutely imperative that you learn to say “no".
Although it may seem paradoxical - as saying "yes” is thought to open doors to opportunity - the things you say "no" to are often the catalysts that give you the time and focus to succeed. Typically, saying “yes” isn't even the problem. Not knowing what to say “yes” to, or saying it too often, is.
By saying “yes” too regularly, you risk spreading yourself too thin. You risk prioritising what shouldn't be a priority. You risk dedicating precious time and focus to activities that ultimately lead to counterproductiveness, getting you nowhere closer to the end goal.
According to studies, the strength of social norms makes it much harder to say “no” to a request, than it is to say “yes”. We’re societally programmed to agree to things, to help people out and to be open to opportunity.
We often say “yes” excessively out of fear of appearing unhelpful, and strive to protect our reputation. Often, we want to protect the existing relationships we have with people. However, saying yes to everything is a short term fix. It pleases people momentarily. By overcommitting, we’re bound to let people down eventually. The ephemeral nature of an agreement that knowingly cannot be fulfilled will ultimately damage reputation and relationships more so than establishing boundaries and being honest from the outset.
We’re overcommitting, we’re shortchanging important relationships, and we’re unable to do our best work, as a result.
As billionaire CEO Warren Buffet once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything”.
So, how do you know what to say “yes” to?
Ask yourself these three questions when you’re faced with a request:
- Will doing this help me get any closer towards the end goal?
- What am I giving up in order to make this “yes” happen?
- Is this “yes” important to me personally, or will it only be to appease someone else?
If you’ve clarified, based on the answers to these questions, that the appropriate answer should be “no”, being clear about this from the beginning is essential.
According to the science, there’s a specific way to say “no” that encourages us to stick to the good habit of refusing, rather than return to our old ways of agreeing too regularly. After saying “no” to a request, anytime you feel tempted to lapse on your answer, studies show that replacing the phrase “no” or “I can’t today” with “I don’t” will strengthen the likelihood of sticking to the initial answer.
For example, if someone asks you to attend a meeting that will interfere with your current workload, rather than saying “I can’t attend the meeting”, respond with “I don’t attend meetings that will interfere with my current workload while I am so busy”.
Your words assist you to frame your sense of empowerment and control, and using them repeatedly creates a feedback loop in your brain that impacts future behaviour. The words “I can’t” indicate that you’re forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to do. The words “I don’t” are an affirmation of your determination and will-power.
So my advice, the next time you’re asked to attend a last minute event, to help a colleague when you’re exceptionally busy, or to take on additional responsibility when you’re at capacity with your workload, ask yourself: will this get me any closer to the end goal? Am I doing this for me? From my experience, more often than not, the answer will be no.
By saying “no” to something unimportant, we’re inadvertently saying “yes” to something that is.
Sources:
Digital Marketing Manager at Mantralis Project Management
10 个月Totally agree it is hard saying no as you want to grab all opportunities, that come your way, and it is a fear of missing out! Sometimes you just have to say no!
Founder of Neuro-Based Leadership Centre I Author I Speaker/Trainer
10 个月The key is knowing what will further your key goals and having the confidence to pass on everything else. It's not easy, but learning to say "no" may be one of the most valuable skills for any entrepreneur. This is advice I wish I had followed earlier in my journey!
Passionate about business improvement. Experienced in identifying, analysing and solutioning business problems.
1 年Completely agree with this. However, would also say that when you do let someone down remind them that they're important, that you do care about them and make them a priority after you've had time to help yourself.
Communications Leader | Thought Partner | Connection & Change Strategist
5 年I know through coaching that women in particular have a hard time with saying no, so I remind them that 'no' is a complete sentence. They don't need to justify or excuse their decision. However, I like how you re-framed "I can't" to "I don't... " and stated why. That has a lot of power. Note to self to remember this... Thanks!
Accountant at EBS Accountant
5 年The ability to say no is an essential emotional intelligence skill which can increase the choice of behaviours, and encourage you not just to give in to guilt but to respond to it in an emotionally intelligent way, so it is important for individuals to understand and improve their emotional intelligence which will have possitive affect on performance too .