"Stop Sabotaging Yourself!"

Self-sabotage is a term often used in the spiritual and self-development world to describe behaviours that seem to block us from achieving our goals. It’s the procrastination when you’re close to a new breakthrough, the overthinking that prevents you from taking action, or the sudden lack of motivation when you're almost finished with your task. Many coaches and spiritual guides label this as a problem to be fixed, urging us to fight against it or push through.

But is this perspective truly helpful? While the idea of self-sabotage seems straightforward, it often ignores the complexity of our inner world - it lacks the understanding of partswork. In the rush to overcome resistance (and the resistance we're feeling towards resisting), we can easily miss the deeper truth: these so-called sabotaging behaviours are actually trying to protect us. In the spiritual realm, where terms like alignment, shadow work, and inner child are commonplace, the concept of self-sabotage has become a cliché explanation for inner resistance. Yet, when misunderstood, it can create a feeling of shame and judgment rather than help us expand.

In this article, we’ll explore a different perspective. By understanding this new point of view, we can learn to work with our self-sabotage instead of against it, creating space for conscious choice and authentic expansion.

The Conflict

Have you ever been told:

“Don’t you see? You’re sabotaging yourself!”

And then watched as the person telling you this gazed at you with a triumphant expression, as if they’d just unlocked the secret to transforming your life forever?

Yeah, me too. And I’ll be honest - I’ve even been that person in the past. It’s okay if you have been too; from a certain perspective, the saying holds a partial truth: sometimes we have goals we desperately want to achieve, but we’re held back by our own limiting beliefs, fears, or assumptions about the world. It’s like part of us is ready to grow, while another part clings to the familiar, afraid of what expansion might bring.

But here’s the catch: labeling this inner resistance as self-sabotage creates a massive conflict within us. The part of us that’s ready to move forward starts judging the part that’s holding back. And when judgment takes over, we spiral downwards, into deeper self-doubt and shame. That’s why I never tell my clients they’re sabotaging themselves - because it’s only part of the story.

Sabotage is Heroism

What if I told you that the part of you holding back isn’t your enemy, but your protector? That it’s not sabotaging at all, but rather doing its best to keep you safe?

This ‘resistant’ part of you feels safer staying where you are. It’s guarding you from whatever it perceives as the potential dangers of moving forward. Whether it’s the fear of failure, rejection, or even success (which is not even a real fear and also a misunderstood, thrown-around concept in the spiritual world.. More on that in a later article), this part believes it’s acting as a hero - shielding you from harm.

Think about it: every time you hesitate, procrastinate, or seem to block your own progress, isn’t it amazing that a part of you cares so much about protecting you from your biggest fears? This isn’t sabotage; it’s self-preservation in action. It is because of your 'sabotage' that you don't have to face your fears. How smart and thoughtful!

The Power of Acknowledgment

When we stop judging this part of ourselves and start listening to it instead, that's when the magic truly happens. These protective parts of us don’t want to be shamed or ignored; they want to be acknowledged and recognised. By tuning into our fears and understanding the intention of protecting ourselves from feeling these fears, we can begin to integrate them. And from this place of self-compassion and awareness, true transformation becomes possible.

How to Work with Your Inner Protector

This is actually very simple. All it requires from us to escape a habit (which I define as the unconscious act of engaging in a certain type of behaviour) is to become conscious of it. Becoming conscious of a habit alchemizes it. It is no longer a habit, instead, it transformed into a choice. From this position, get to make a conscious choice. Ask yourself: “Do I want to continue protecting myself, or is it time to expand?” This awareness breaks the habit and allows you to choose your path intentionally. Both routes are great, it's a matter of preference and courage.

Embrace Your Wholeness

When we shift the narrative from “I’m sabotaging myself” to “I’m protecting myself,” we unlock a deeper sense of self-compassion. We realise that every part of us, even the resistant ones, is working toward our best interests in its own way. So, the next time you catch yourself or someone else in a cycle of resistance, resist the urge to label it as sabotage. Instead, pause, listen, and recognise the hero within; recognise the way in which they are actually helping themselves. By embracing all parts of ourselves - even the ones that feel scared - we make way for conscious growth and alignment with our authentic self.

If this article resonated with you, and transcending self-sabotage is something you feel inspired to work on, it’s time to take the next step. Imagine what a powerful coaching conversation could do for your confidence, relationships, and personal growth.

For just €2.50 - the price of a cup of coffee - you can book a Parts Work Session worth €250. This isn’t just a chat; it’s an opportunity to uncover what’s holding you back, discover your true boundaries, make peace with yourself and all of your parts and step into your fullest potential.

Let’s explore how you can thrive, not just survive.

Send me a PM to schedule your session today. It’s your move. ?

Mick Rutjes