Stop Reacting and Start Choosing

If you find yourself always cleaning up messes, reacting, wasting time, getting off track, feeling disempowered, you aren't alone. We're living in complicated times with lots of distractions that get your attention.

Perhaps you often feel that you have no choice. You have no choice but to react to someone's anger. You have no choice but to cancel a relationship. You have no choice but to engage in an argument. You had no choice but to call someone out on social media. You had no choice but to (fill in the blank.) The problem isn't that you had no choices: The problem is you didn't recognize your choices.

The bigger problem is that when you don't recognize your choices you don't know how to model responsible leadership. Instead, you become a victim of circumstances or what other people say or do. You'll blame hybrid work for the lack of results. You'll engage in useless arguments on social media. You'll have to get your two cents in to be understood and you'll unfriend high conflict people who disagree with you. You'll waste time on other people's agendas instead of focusing on you own. You'll be tired and angry.

Reclaiming Your Power Through Strong Decision Making

1. Make a decision about who you want to be and what values you want to live by. A decision is strategic and gives you a vision. Choices (which are tactical) become easier when you know what you're trying to accomplish. (See point #2.)
2. Recognize the basis of your choices. Choices are always based on something, for example, convenience, getting along, avoiding conflict, fitting in, getting approval, personal growth, excitement, and all sorts of conscious and unconscious motives. If you don't have a decision in place, the path of least resistance is to react to your unconscious urges or past programming, neither of which is a choice. Structure determines behavior. Decisions provide "structure" for the foundation of choice.
3. Change your narrative about choice. You must stop talking about how few choices you have. As a leader you must model choice-abundance in your language. Instead of saying, "I have no other choice," instead say, "My best choice given the circumstance is..." Take charge of your communication.
4. Eliminate distractions. You don't have to get engaged in every argument on social media. You don't have to have others understand your decisions. You don't have to prove your point. Save your energy on making good decisions for yourself instead of trying to convince others that you're right and they are wrong.

Conclusion

You aren't at the mercy of your whims, or the reactions of other people. Take a moment. Slow down. Decide who you are, who you want to be and how you are going to show up in this world. Have the courage to state your values and see if you have the resolve to choose according to your decisions rather than react to old programming. Right now more than ever we need accomplished decisive leaders who make good decisions.

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