stop pretending you care about my dog

...before making your ask

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

?? Read this week’s insight, then keep scrolling for a special announcement!

There's a special place in hell for emails that start with "Hey! Long time no talk! How are you? How's [insert city you live in]? By the way, I saw on Instagram that you got a new puppy - she's adorable! Speaking of which..."

We all know what comes next. The ask. The real reason they reached out. And that initial small talk feels about as authentic as the "genuine leather" stamp on a $20 wallet.

I get it. We're afraid of coming across as transactional. We don't want people to think we only reach out when we need something. So we try to manufacture connection first - asking about their kids, their job, their sourdough starter that they posted about three years ago on Instagram.

But here's the thing - that approach actually makes you come across as more transactional, not less.

Why? Because you're treating the relationship as a transaction - you're just trying to pay for your ask with forced small talk currency. And let me tell you, that currency is about as valuable as Monopoly money. If the person cares about you and is able to, they’ll likely be happy to support you.

Taking Action:

1. Lead with the ask. Be direct. "Hey Sarah, I'm reaching out because I'm organizing a fundraiser and would love your input on [specific thing]."
2. Acknowledge the context. If it's been a while, say so. "I know we haven't caught up in ages, and I'm reaching out because..."
3. Make it easy to say no. Give them a clean out. "No pressure at all if this isn't your thing or if timing isn't right."
4. If you actually do want to catch up (separate from your ask), make that its own thing. "Would also love to grab coffee soon - completely separate from this request."

Remember: People aren't stupid. They know when you're buttering them up. Authentic relationships are built on honest interactions, not manufactured warmth.

Until next week,

Zvi

P.S. Speaking of asks - if you found this helpful, share it with someone who might appreciate it. See what I did there? Direct ask, no hiding behind small talk! ??

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?? I published my first YouTube video in over a year!

While we’re on the subject of authenticity, I just posted a video diving deeper into the importance of showing up as yourself, and not just another professional. This is also the first video I’ve posted in over a year - I started recording videos in 2023, and quickly gave up. Hold me accountable - well, assuming you like it. And of course, watch, like, and subscribe!

Authenticity Wins: The Counterintuitive Way to Build Stronger Business Connections

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Feedback is a gift! What did you think this week?

• ?? Loved it!
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• ??? Garbage. Sorry.