Stop Over-sharing and Start Story-Telling!

By Sappho Leader

4/7/2024

Ever wonder how there’s that one person that seems to be a powerhouse in whatever they do or whatever situation they’re in? Me too… I’ll let you know if I figure out the other parts to that puzzle, but in the meanwhile… Here’s a thought:

If you’ve ever found yourself sharing your third-grade report card scores at a business meeting or discussing your digestive woes on a first date, well… it’s time to accept it – You’re an “over-sharer.” Seriously, providing too much information isn’t likely JUST a warning, it's a lifestyle,

And those who divulge more information than anyone really wants to hear, grapple with finding the elusive path to becoming an individual that radiates the confidence they obviously have, a sense of power that should be easy for them to obtain, an irresistible allure, and undeniable grace. Unfortunately, it can also be more frustrating for them when they don’t fall into that category. I mean, if you really think about it, they should have a competitive edge. Right? There’s no fear of showing people who they are, they’re usually outgoing, articulate, and often they’re even driven… Well… You’re right!!! People will often find open and quirky personalities quite endearing, but graceful, powerful, alluring… maybe not so much. What’s the deal then? If they have what it takes, why doesn’t it come with ease? I don’t know all the why’s, but I have found one very important element.

How do I know this? Because I epitomize the dreaded “over-sharer.” Yep… I’m that person in the grocery store that seems to tell you their life story during a thirty second interaction… that’s me. Thanks to my amazing mother, I’m a natural talker, but that can be a curse as quickly as a blessing. What’s worse… I talk even more when I’m nervous.

I have three words for you … Selective – Information – Sharing.

If well-crafted conversation is an art, then selective information sharing is a conversation canvas to be used for creation.

Thankfully, I’ve learned that by literally practicing “Selective – Information – Sharing,” my gift-of-gab can easily be highlight those rare qualities that are always present but ever seemingly elusive. I can network swiftly, successfully navigate the nuances of social interactions, and easily develop long lasting rapport.

I want to really drive this point home… I am still an over sharer. I accepted that as part of my personality ages ago while in my twenties. What I’ve learned is that it’s never been about changing who I am, I had to learn to be “SELECTIVE” of the “INFORMATION” I’m “SHARING.” That takes practice… and more practice… and more practice.

Oh… trust me, I have plenty of stories that could be shared, but remember, Ann Aguirre phrased the proverb wonderfully, “once exposed, a secret loses all its power.”

This is a skill that can help anyone because we all have stories to share. Happy, sad, funny, scary, embarrassing, and even implicating, we all have them. Those memories are the colors you have at your fingertips to use on that conversation canvas.

But… you must practice. Rehearsing those stories, honing what works and what doesn’t, offers you the chance to perfect the art of conversation.

Let me give you an example of how you are already doing this. I’m sure you can think of several stories that are your “go to’s” when you’re in a social setting and aiming to impress. However, you also know that same story may very well evoke eye rolls or sighs by your closest friends and loved ones because they’ve heard it 20 times before.

Well then what makes us enjoy telling those stories?

Simple… we’re seeking to elicit a reaction.

It doesn’t matter what that reaction is. What matters is that you have refined the art of telling that memory in a way that will elicit a specific response.

Again, this is natural and dates back to the tradition of passing our history and knowledge down through generations via the art of storytelling.

Then why not take it a step further?

What is a specific emotional reaction that you want to elicit?

Now, think of a memory from your life that evokes that emotion within yourself.

Using one of your memories is important. Remember, you will always make a deeper connection with another person through recounting a specific experience that YOU’VE had as an individual.

Also, we already have those neurosynaptic pathways built to recall that memory; making it easier to recount in moment’s notice.

Now, start practicing!

Write your memory down, start rehearsing it as if you’re socializing, networking, or negotiating.

I also guarantee that it will be refreshing and infinitely more effective than any cheesy pick-up line that has worked in the past.

When you KNOW what you’re going to say, you will automatically have more confidence. For some, that means they’re ready to share more in a conversation… for me, it means I have a definite ending to my side of a conversation. I don’t feel like I need to entertain or fill silence, but… even if I do, the more SELECTIVE INFORMATION SHARING that I’ve practiced and rehearsed the more situations I’m prepared to handle.

If well-crafted conversation is an art, selective information sharing is the canvas, our memories are the pallet of paints, then how we recount those memories are the brush. Stop considering yourself an over-sharer and start to become a storyteller!

~Sappho Leader~

Next up: What kind of information should you share?