Stop Making Sense

Last week the executive board of our condo association asked us to spy on each other.

To be fair, they did only ask us to spy on each other until they can install security cameras to spy on us. But we don't know how long that will take, so in the meantime we're being tasked with spying on each other to make sure everyone is wearing a mask, even when distance can be maintained at six feet or more.

Who are these paranoid spy masters you may ask? Good question. At least four of board members are attorneys, one of whom is married to a Pennsylvania higher court judge.

What you need to understand about this mandate is that all access to our condo units is from the outside. There are no indoor hallways in this building—each door front door opens directly onto an outdoor sidewalk, filled with fresh air. In fact, there are so many outdoor sidewalks here that you can easily stay six feet, if not ten or twelve feet away from your neighbors. But rational decision making is not on the table here.

In addition to asking us to rat each other out, the executive board has also shut our common areas. Our common areas are also all outside, and yes you can walk from your front door outside directly to the common deck which itself is on the water and in the full sun (making it a healthy environment).

Finally the board has forbidden any socializing in the areas in front of our doors—or anywhere on the property, under penalty of fines up to $500.

This bizarre repressive behavior is not new, it's merely the escalation of several months worth of Lord of the Flies-like behavior.

Since the beginning of lockdown, a small group of us have been socially distancing during weekly cocktail hours. We were informed by the board that in being together outside we were violating the State guidelines. I assured the board that we in fact we were in compliance with State guidelines and I had even phoned the State health hotline twice to better understand those guidelines. The board members seem shocked at hearing about the existence of a health hotline. Nonetheless, the board continued, they had proof that we were not six feet apart (we were) because they had pictures of us that neighbors had taken and sent to the board. You could view this surreptitious snapping as an invasion of our privacy; our group chose to view it as an opportunity to get dressed up so that the next time our pictures were taken we'd at least look good.

When one of the scientists who resides in our community reached out and asked the board what was the science behind their decision to suddenly close the deck four months after this virus appeared, they couldn't say. Although they did say they were worried about litigation, despite the fact that our sister building next door, which has a similar layout to ours, is completely open—their decks, pool, etc.

The net net is that at the height of a very hot summer, our board has taken away all of the public areas and all of the opportunities for fresh air, forcing people to socialize indoors (which is actually something they recommended two months ago. Seriously. They actually recommended that instead of having our cocktail parties outside in a socially distanced fresh air environment, we gather in each other's homes. What health experts do you think would have validated that decision? You're right. None.)

The only thing you can do in a situation like this is take the long view. And my long view is that our community is actually a microcosm of what's happening in the larger world. Some people are absolutely reckless, that's true. Some people are absolutely paranoid, and I think there's probably even more of them. If you log onto any neighborhood app or any social media feed you’ll find endless amounts of scolding and nagging. Fear about this disease has created a society of people who are actively trying to repress, spy on and control each other’s behavior.

There's a name for that, and it's called fascism.

As someone who was a student of political science in college, I'm beginning to find this fascinating. I even got into the spirit of living in this fascistic condo-state the night after the edict was issued, by playing the national anthem of the former State of East Germany, as well as the Russian national anthem. I’m embracing the experience—although if the board asks me to wear a uniform and start marching around, I will have to draw the line there.

Somebody has to draw the line somewhere on this behavior.