Stop looking at the outcome

Hello friends,

I am taking a break from the blog for August but I wanted to come on and share something that really has become a way of life for me.

Focus on your own energy and not the outcome

Control, perfectionism, micromanaging, anxiety are all symptoms of something deeper going on. Being desperate to make sure an outcome is exactly as you want it to be is also a symptom of something deeper going on. That deeper thing is always related to fear.

Fear of failure, of not being enough, of being rejected, of being abandoned, of being alone.

The funny thing is, we are so desperately trying to avoid these feelings of fear that cause us pain and discomfort, that we end up feeling them anyway. Perfectionism means that whatever you do, nothing will be enough… putting pressure on yourself so you are continually striving for more… controlling each & every situation & trying to plan so much that when the inevitable happens (things don’t always go to plan) you feel so let down and disappointed and often you direct shame towards yourself.

Letting go of control and embracing a sense of flow, spontaneity & ease in my life has been such an important lesson that has completely changed my mental health.

Instead of the outcome (which you can never have full control over), I focus on what energy I want to bring to my life:

Balance, ease, deep connection, fun, adventure, flow, spontaneity, excitement, joy, nourishment, kindness, compassion, inspiration…

And then I bring this to my interaction with strangers, with my friends and family, with my clients, with my work, I even bring this into the way I walk down the street (listening to music with a smile on my face, head bopping around!)

I know what you are thinking… PERLEEEASE you can’t always feel like this Sophie?! And of course not, I am human! But I used to bring such a heaviness to my life, a sense of always striving for more, a sense of rigidity, a sense of harshness & I complained about things a lot! So when I do feel a little low, or when difficult things happen, it doesn’t effect me in the same way that it used to because I am not focused on something I can’t control (the outcome) and instead I simply shift my energy. I snap out quicker and come back to the truth of things: that life is good even though it can be incredibly painful.

Good ways to shift that energy: movement, nature, an self-inquiry practice such as meditation & journaling, playing an instrument, learning something new, a hobby you love, a dance in your bedroom.

Things have really shifted for me with this principle. There are things I want in life: a really beautiful relationship and perhaps a baby… but I am truly happy now without these things. Which looking back I would have never thought would be possible. Plus I can’t control when, where or how these things will happen. And if I try to control it, I will loose the happiness I have created in the process. So instead I focus day by day… on how I can be a beautiful addition to this world and the energy I would like to bring to an interaction with you, if I met you on the street.

Sophie xxx

PS Please leave a comment or like this post if it has been useful to read (at the top or bottom of this post.) It’s really great for me to get feedback on the content I am sharing!

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