Stop Letting Your Past Control Your Future (It’s Time to Take Back Control)

Do you remember the moment you felt most confident?

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Can you remember what happened 5-, 20-, or 60 minutes prior?

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Studies have shown that 98 percent of our thoughts today actually stem from events the previous day.

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Check this out: Every person thinks about 50,000 thoughts a day, and we only have 24 hours in a day (86,400 seconds in a day).

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This implies that we process approximately 1.5 thoughts per second.

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The equation goes like this:

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Thoughts/sec = Total number of seconds/days ÷ Total number of thoughts/days

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Thoughts/sec = (86,400 ÷ 50,000) = 1.728

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Understanding the Influence of Our Past Thoughts

If we reserve only 2 percent of our thoughts for today, that amounts to approximately 1,000 thoughts. This implies that within a 24-hour period, we only have approximately 30 minutes to generate fresh ideas.

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Can you let that sink in for a minute?

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Do you see how much effect yesterday has on your today?

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Now, how does all this connect to having unshakable confidence?

The Power of Positive Thinking

The quality of your thoughts influences how you feel.

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So, if you have thoughts of positive things happening in your life and believe more positive things are yet to come, how would that make you feel?

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Probably ecstatic, right?

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And when you have that ecstatic feeling, it’s almost like you can walk on water and conquer the world.

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At this particular moment, you are in FLOW.

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This is the moment when you feel like you can take on absolutely any challenge that comes your way.

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Guarding Your Mind Against Negativity

Let me paint you a scenario here.

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Imagine that your colleague pissed you off today, and you carry that thought with you all day, brooding about it and continually cogitating on it.

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Who is really hurting here?

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Like my people in Nigeria will say, “You dey take Panadol for another person headache.”

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This essentially implies that you're medicating for someone else's headaches.

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So, your colleague is in a bad mood and decides to dissipate that negative energy to you. You receive it with open arms, setting yourself up for failure the rest of the week.

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You know now that if 98 percent of your thoughts come from the previous day, based on what happened with your colleague, you’ll be thinking about it nonstop the following day.

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Your job is to get rid of those negative thoughts and let them roll off your back like water off a duck’s back.

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Instead, refocus your attention on the important things, such as your purpose, vision, and goals.

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Helping a Mentee Shift Perspective?

A little over a year ago, one of my mentees called me out of the blue on Saturday morning.

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Unfortunately, I couldn’t answer his call at the time because I was at the salon getting my hair dreadlocked.

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Now, if you know anything about dreadlocks, you’ll know it is hours and hours of excruciating pain.

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"Beauty is pain, baby," as my ex-girlfriend would say.

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So, I called him back a few hours later to see what the emergency was, and to my consternation, it wasn’t about his career or side business.

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It was about the greatest pain known to mankind—emotional pain.

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He had an argument with his girlfriend and was going through a difficult breakup.

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I listened attentively and asked him to meet me at my favorite coffee shop at AnC Mall, which is super close to where he lives.

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After asking him some questions to understand his relationship with this girl, I discovered that they had many different values and relationship goals.

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So, I asked, “Do you think you’re at your pinnacle in life?”

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He answered, "No."

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Then I said, "On a scale of 1 through 10, where would you place yourself right now if you assessed your own life?"

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He said, "Probably 1."

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Then I said, "Okay, cool, I like that. It means you realize you still have a long way to go."

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Then I asked him, "If you didn't have her in your life anymore, and if this breakup was to be permanent, do you see your entire life crashing down?"

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But before he could answer, I asked him to role play with me.

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I said, “I want you to close your eyes right now and imagine yourself at a stage in your life where you place yourself at 8 or 9. In this scenario, you’re married with kids, and you live in a mansion on some beautiful island. In this beautiful picture you are painting right now, is this girl you just broke up with the mother of your kids?"

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He says, "Hell no."

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I said, "Are you sure?”

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He said, “Hell yeah.”

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I said, “Great answer. So, why are you worked up about this girl then?"

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He says, "When you put it that way, I really don’t know."

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You see, my job as a dating coach was to get him comfortable with the worst-case scenario, and in his case, it was getting comfortable with the possibility of never getting back with her again.

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Once his mind started processing the possibility of never being with her again, he started feeling a bit better.

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I know this concept might be a little bit counterintuitive, but just follow my logic here.

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Have you had times when you were scared of losing something?

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It could have been a job, a close friend, a loved one, money, or a business.

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At those moments, it would have felt like life was unbearable to live without that person or thing.

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So, let's say you eventually lost that money or that loved one. Your life didn't stop, right?

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You're still here, enjoying life, right?

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You obviously still feel like you have a long way to go.

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So, what would have happened if you were comfortable with the worst-case scenario?

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Granted, you’ll still feel the pain, but you’ll deal with it better.

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And as the evening with my mentee progressed, and I'm a sucker for good, or maybe even great, conversations, I suggested we talk to a few strangers, albeit beautiful women.

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We both got to chat with a few ladies, and in minutes, he got out of his head and started feeling a lot better, even before we parted ways.

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Guess who called me the next morning?

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Of course, my mentee.

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He called to thank me for helping him get through his ordeal, and to say that he was feeling a heck of a lot better since our meeting.

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So, what did I do here for this young man?

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I helped him get out of his head, knowing full well that if he hadn't, he would've spent the majority of the next day thinking about this lady, and in a not-so-positive light.

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His slump could last a week or months if he didn't resolve it.

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So, the lesson here is simple: if you’re having a bad day, do everything you can to change it; otherwise, you’re setting your week up for a potential catastrophe.

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Here are some tips on how to proceed:

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• Listen to uplifting music.
• Go for a run or go to the gym.
• Listen to a motivational speaker.
• Call a friend to talk you out of it.

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For me, what I like to do is first accept that sh*t happens and will always continue to happen.

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I accept that it happens for my benefit, whether I realize it or not, and then I focus on the big picture.

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I focus on my God-given purpose and goals (that’s really all that I live for).

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Lessons from Failures: The Road to Unshakable Confidence

Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done.

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I’m saying to you, "Oh, just get comfortable with the worst-case scenario, and you’ll feel a lot better."

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But when you properly examine all the failures you've had in the past, do you see a pattern?

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When I examine most of my failures, I know I do.

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I see how they’ve set me up to be where I am now, and I wouldn’t change a darn thing.

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Look, who better to teach you how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable than yours truly—the guy who went to the salon to get black nail polish done?

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Insert picture

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The guy who now goes to the salon to get his hair dreadlocked.

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The individual who donned a "Make America Great Again" hat in a Vancouver mall during the peak of Trump's presidency, a time when everyone harbored deep animosity towards him.

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The guy who wears earrings on both ears.

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Today, I actually credit my failures for my unshakable confidence.

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In truth, when you hit rock bottom, is it possible to go any lower?

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It really isn’t.

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How I Met My First Girlfriend

I remember a time when I was so shy that I couldn’t introduce myself to women that I fancied.

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Here I was at the age of 18, wondering how on earth I would get a girlfriend if I was too shy to even say hello, let alone introduce myself and engage in a full-blown conversation?

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And that’s why I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 19.

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This was back in 2006, when I lived in Lagos, Nigeria.

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I encountered this adorable young woman at a café during the era of cybercafés. Nowadays, most people have a computer and Wi-Fi in their homes.

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I knew I had to say something to this girl and would’ve regretted it if I hadn’t.

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I couldn’t approach her in the café because I was shy.

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What if she rejected me?

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Everyone in the café will know, and I'd be embarrassed to say the least.

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So, what did I do?

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I waited till she was about to leave, and I followed her outside.

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I know, I know, it’s kind of creepy, but hey, don’t be too harsh on me; at least I made a move.

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Long story short, we talked for a few minutes, and I got her number.

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I’m still shocked that my heart palpitations did not give me up in that short interaction.

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My fingers were trembling while I typed her digits, but once again, she didn't notice, or so I thought.

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Even when we became official, I didn’t dare ask her (Don’t ask, don’t tell).

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Transition from Shy Teenager to Sales Cognoscenti

When I started learning how to sell, I did a lot of cold prospecting, specifically cold calling.

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And if you’re a business owner or in sales, nothing will toughen you up better than the experience of cold calling.

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In cold calling, rejection is the name of the game.

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It's about how many rejections you can endure while keeping a smile on your face.

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You basically have to be the king of optimism.

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Heck, you might as well tattoo OPTIMISM on your forehead.

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You experience these failures repeatedly, to the extent that they no longer faze you.

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You say things like, "What is the worst that could happen? They hang up. They say they’re not interested. So what?"

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That’s when you start having unshakable confidence.

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It’s when you realize that failure is an essential part of the game.

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Things will always go wrong. It’s just how it goes. It’s just the frigging process. You embrace it and soldier on.

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Control What You Can, Let Go of the Rest

These days, I’m so chill and at peace with myself.

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I don’t even pretend anymore that I can somehow control the outcome.

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I live from the inside out.

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My focus is strictly on the things I can control.

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Things like:

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• The people I choose to surround myself with.
• The kind of information I consume.
• My prayer and Bible study life.
• How hard I work in the gym.
• The time I get out of bed.
• How much work I put in.

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Anything outside of my control, I leave to God.

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And guess what?

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That's precisely what God desires, and for those unaware, it's known as FAITH.

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Final Thoughts

So, when people tell me you’re so confident, I smile.

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They don’t know that it comes from years of being in the trenches.

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Years of rejection and failure.

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Years of emotional and psychological pain.

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Years of stubbornness and learning the hard way.

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Years of understanding that I don’t control the outcome or result, and that’s okay.

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I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

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I fail? It has already happened a billion times.

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I get rejected? It happens all the time and is still happening.

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Why?

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Because I constantly put myself out there and don't hold back.

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I have ideas, concepts, products, or services.

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So, you can bet I'm pushing my agenda out there.

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I’ve got to sell it until I build an army of loyal followers (Solid people I like to refer to as my tribe).

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In truth, there will always be many that don’t agree with me, and that’s fine.

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I’m not worried about them.

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They exist for a reason, and I respect their choices.

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They are just not my people, and that’s okay too.

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Let me ask you one last question...

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Do you want to live life with unshakable confidence?

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Just to clarify, it won't happen simply because you wish for it or pray for it.

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You have to be in the trenches and get used to being uncomfortable.

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Are these ideas contrarian?

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Damn sure they are, but they work.

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You should try it sometime.

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And if you need any help, I’m one call or email away.

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Feel free to reach out to me ASAP!

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This is Christopher Njokanma, signing off.

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Every week, I stay committed to providing value for you. Remember, my daring reader, to Like, Comment, and Share this article, for it might be the boost someone needs to build unshakable confidence. Stay tuned for more awe-inspiring insights and discoveries in the captivating world of unconventional success.

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Christopher is the President @ Cloud 98 - We power your brand's growth by harmonizing content and conversion.