Stop Letting Insecurities Steal Your Joy

We’ve all felt it that little voice inside saying, “You’re not good enough,” or, “They’re better than you.” This voice, born out of insecurity, can take over if we let it. It can affect our relationships, jobs, and even how we see ourselves. The good news is, you’re not alone, and you can break free from its grip.

In this newsletter, I will unpack insecurities, how to spot them, and most importantly, how to overcome them and become a more secure person.

What Are Insecurities, and Why Do They Happen?

Insecurities are doubts or fears we have about ourselves. They often come from negative past experiences, unmet childhood needs, or comparing ourselves to others. For example:

• If you were teased about your looks as a child, you might feel self-conscious about your appearance now.
• If you grew up in an environment where success was the only thing celebrated, you may feel like you’re never doing enough.
• Social media? A major culprit! Constantly seeing others’ “highlight reels” can make you feel like your life is boring or not good enough.

But here’s the truth: insecurities aren’t facts. They’re feelings that can change with the right mindset and actions.

Signs That Insecurities Are Controlling Your Life

1. You Constantly Compare Yourself to Others Why does their life seem so perfect? Why am I not as good as them? This mindset keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.
2. You Seek Validation from Others Do you feel good only when someone praises you? This need for validation makes your happiness dependent on others.
3. Fear of Rejection or Failure You avoid risks or opportunities because you’re scared to fail or be judged.
4. Overthinking Everything You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing.
5. Difficulty Accepting Compliments When someone says, “You did great!” you respond with, “It was nothing.”
6. Jealousy or Envy Seeing others succeed might make you feel bad about yourself.

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The Need for Validation: Why It Happens

Validation feels good because it’s like a quick hit of approval. But when we rely on others to feel good about ourselves, it’s like building a house on sand—unstable and temporary. Here’s how it shows up:

• Posting on Social Media: You obsessively check for likes and comments.
• People-Pleasing: Saying yes to things you don’t want to do because you’re afraid of upsetting others.
• Always Explaining Yourself: Feeling the need to justify your choices so others approve.

While validation is a normal human need, it becomes harmful when you crave it to feel worthy.

How to Become a More Secure Person

Breaking free from insecurities doesn’t happen overnight, but small steps can lead to big changes. Here’s how to start:

1. Understand Your Triggers

• Reflect on when you feel insecure. Is it around certain people? On social media? During work meetings?
• Once you know your triggers, you can work on responding to them in a healthier way.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

• Talk to yourself like you would to a friend. Instead of saying, “I’m so dumb for making that mistake,” say, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m learning.”
• Celebrate your small wins—even getting out of bed on a tough day is a victory.

3. Focus on Your Strengths

• Write down three things you’re good at. Read them daily.
• For example, you might say, “I’m kind, I work hard, and I’m a good listener.”

4. Stop Comparing Yourself

• Instead of comparing, be inspired. If someone has something you admire, ask, “What can I learn from them?”
• Remember, everyone’s journey is different. You’re only seeing a part of their story.

5. Set Small, Achievable Goals

• When you set and accomplish goals, you build confidence. Start small. If you’re afraid of speaking up, aim to share one idea in the next meeting.

6. Limit Social Media Use

• Social media often paints a false picture of perfection. Limit your time scrolling, and focus on things that bring you real joy, like hobbies or spending time with loved ones.

7. Learn to Accept Compliments

• When someone compliments you, resist the urge to downplay it. Practice saying, “Thank you.”

8. Build Your Inner Validation

• Instead of waiting for others to tell you you’re doing well, learn to affirm yourself. Try saying: “I’m proud of the effort I put into this project.” “I worked hard, and I’m happy with the results.”

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Practical Exercises to Boost Security

1. Daily Affirmations Every morning, stand in front of a mirror and say: “I am enough.” “I have everything I need to succeed.”
2. Gratitude Journaling Write down three things you’re grateful for every day. Gratitude shifts focus from what you lack to what you have.
3. Do Something Scary Step out of your comfort zone once a week. It could be as simple as starting a conversation with a stranger or trying a new hobby. Each time you face fear, your confidence grows.
4. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions When you feel insecure, ask: “What’s the worst that could happen?” “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?”
5. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection Celebrate how far you’ve come, no matter how small the steps.

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Here’s How Ade Dealt with Her Insecurities and You Too Can Do the Same

A few months ago, Ade struggled with feeling “not good enough” at work. She constantly compared herself to colleagues who seemed more skilled or confident. She felt paralyzed, doubting her every move.

One day, Ade decided to seek help, and she contacted me. We had a Clarity session: we unpacked a couple of the challenges, and I recommended practical tools to help her become more self-confident. Four weeks into applying the tools she realized most of her fears weren’t based on facts. She also shared her struggles with a me during our coaching calls and I offered her perspective.

It wasn’t easy for Ade, but over time, she stopped seeking approval from others and learned to trust herself. Today, she feels more secure and confident.

Sometimes Insecurities may feel like they’re part of who you are, but they don’t have to define you. You have the power to rewrite your story. It starts with small steps, like being kind to yourself, setting boundaries, and finding joy in your unique journey.

You don’t have to keep living with insecurities. Imagine waking up each day feeling good about yourself. Imagine trying new things without fear. Imagine being the version of yourself you’ve always wanted to be.

I’m offering a 60-minute clarity call to help you get started. During the call you will get

• ?A safe space to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
• Tools to understand why you feel insecure and how to change that.
• Practical steps to help you build self-love and confidence.

Like Ade, take the first step today.

Click the link below to book your clarity call. Insecurities don’t have to run your life. You’re stronger than you think, and with the right tools, you can overcome anything.

Let’s work together to help you feel happier, more confident, and more secure.

?? https://selar.co/h8hn

Don’t wait. The best version of you is just around the corner. Let’s find it together.

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