Stop Leading Others. Lead Yourself.

The leadership pendulum has been swinging to self-leadership for some time.?Yet, as I observe folks in the public and private sector, too often I continue to see top down, “my-way-or-the- highway” behavior. Perhaps it is a sense of urgency that has some of these so-called “leaders” barking out ultimatums, demanding instant results, and refusing to take ownership to the fact that their behavior has caused less-than-stellar results.

Self-leadership is a prerequisite for drawing and keeping great teams together. People want to be with and work with men and women who understand and follow a set of core values, ethics, and principles.

As Dee Hock, the founder and former CEO of?VISA credit card insisted,?“If you look to lead, invest at least 40% of your time managing yourself - your ethics, character, principles, purpose, motivation, and conduct. Invest at least 30% managing those with authority over you, and 15% managing your peers.”

Easy to say but harder to do.?Let us take the word SELF and use it to guide actions that promote solid self-leadership:?

Start listening. ?First, be still and listen to your inner voice. It’s the one that might have been stifled by loud ego demands.?It’s not the voice that says, “I must be #1.”?Rather it’s the YOU that says, “this is what I want people to say at my funeral.”?The honest, deep down YOU that knows people will not talk about stock market positions, money earned, positions held or rewards reaped. Your deepest voice KNOWS that people will talk about how you treated them. ?

Enjoy the ride. ?No one wants to work with or be with someone who is known for constant scowls and sneers. You’ve seen those folks: no joy radiates from them. Life is a burden and only semi-enjoyed in fits and starts. Become engaged in work that—even if difficult—lifts your spirit. Lead yourself that way and you become a magnet for attracting people.?

Let others lead with you. A number of years ago, I was responsible for creating a four-day conference for some 2,000 of my peers. Trust me: lots of bad karma if it goes badly. A wise mentor told me that if I would craft a vision and get my team to decide how to make it their own, we’d be off to a great start. My team and I did reverse engineering. We asked ourselves what we would see and hear when the event was over that told us we had hit the mark.?The excitement was electrifying in that process. People gravitated toward which roles they felt they could best play. My role was to run interference, help people stay the course, encourage, and take the fall for anything that didn’t come out well. I listened, advised, jumped in when needed, but the team really carried the ball.?To this day, I bless my beloved mentor who showed me the way.?

Face the fear. Courage and resiliency go hand in hand. The world is far too complicated for one person to have all the answers. According to Simon Sinek, the?bestselling author of?Start With Why ?and?Leaders Eat Last , every generation from Boomers through Millennial is becoming more and more risk adverse. “The fear of failure is one of the single biggest things that holds people back.”?

What helps us face that fear are supportive relationships. These are not relationships found in casual social media posts but rather forged through meaningful conversations marked by honesty and empathy. In her book, Option B , Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg asserts that it was such relationships that helped move her through the fear that engulfed life following the tragic, sudden death of her husband. ?

Everyone has a leadership role to play. You do not need a title. What you are leading is your life.

?2023, Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE. All rights reserved.?

Eileen McDargh is the CEO of The Resiliency Group. She is an internationally recognized keynote speaker, master facilitator, and award-winning author with expertise in resiliency and leadership. The British research firm of Global Gurus International ranks her in the top five of the 30 Communication Gurus worldwide. Her articles have appeared in countless publications and two of her books have been awarded national recognition, including the Ben Franklin Gold Award.?Her eighth book is Burnout to Breakthrough: Building Resilience to Refuel, Recharge and Reclaim What Matters. You can learn more about her at https://www.EileenMcDargh.com .