Stop Kissing A$$ and Betraying Yourself

(Hmm… maybe I should apologize now.)

Why?

Because I am about to talk about how your emotions are killing your cash and murdering your money. I don’t know any other way to say it, sis, so forgive me.

(ALL of the street in me is about to come out.)

Baby girl, your feelings are f!@#$ing your $$$.

Don’t believe me?

Take this 10-question quiz and let’s see. (Look, sis, I’m willing to be wrong.)

Do any of these scenarios ring true for you?:

1. Someone said something you didn’t like and you couldn’t stop yourself from setting the record straight—with an edge or attitude.
2. Your feelings got hurt because someone did something you didn’t like, so you took yourself away, shut down, or stopped talking.
3. You found out that someone got what you thought you deserved and you started to gossip about them.
4. A woman did some mean sh!t to you and you retaliated to exact justice.
5. A man spoke down to you or flexed on you and you became covertly manipulative because you didn’t think he would ever listen or believe you.
6. A White person did some bullsh!t and you caught hell. So now you are defensive and protective—so much so that you get seen as a troublemaker.
7. Someone tells you “no” and you lose ALL momentum and confidence in yourself or belief that anyone will buy anything from you.
8. Someone in power looks or acts like your mom or dad, and you either try to win their approval or fight them like a rebellious teen.
9. You feel inadequate or inferior, so you keep getting more degrees, credentials, or spend eons of time and personal resources perfecting your offer—but you don’t take REAL action to generate revenue.
10. The moment you feel foolish or think people are going to find out that you are a fraud, you back down, start making excuses, and sabotage yourself.
    
    

If any one of these statements resonated with your behavior, your emotions are f!@#$ing your money.

At the root of each of these situations is one thing and one thing only: relating to “no”—be it the actual word, the behavior, or the feeling—as an affront to your character.

Simply put: you hear a “no” as personal rejection.

When people don’t agree or impose their will, if you have a “no” equated with disapproval, rejection, or punishment, your survival strategies are going to kick in and kill off ALL possibilities on the other side of a “no.”

Here’s the truth. There are 3 reasons people tell you “no” in business:

• They don’t have enough information
• You haven’t tended to their concerns
• It’s not a match for what they value at the moment

That’s it.

When you take a “no” personally, you are assuming one is actually plotting, calculating, or even thinking about you. Most people are much too selfish to put a lot of thought into getting you. I know it feels like it. Trust me, I have done all ten of the scenarios listed and I have lost TONS of money because I was bringing my own wounds to work and my bruises to my business. My hurts had me see things through a filter that colored even the most unconscious behavior evil, calculated, and deliberate.

To be fair, some of it is. People can say and do some fucked-up shit—but not because of you. Everyone has wounds they act out. If two wounded people have energetically hooked into each other, things go from bad to worse. You see this behavior in romantic relationships, but it also happens in business.

So how do you stop? Here are 5 Defy Impossible Tips to stop your emotions from f!@#$ing your money:

1. Breathe. I know it sounds hokey, but taking the time to breathe before you do your knee-jerk reaction thingy can save your business—or your marriage. Breathing gives you a moment to pause to gather your thoughts instead of going off the rails and crashing. Sometimes I have to put my hand over my heart, breathe, and wait until I can see straight before I respond. Give yourself 24 hours before you fire off that email or return that call. Breathing creates room to reflect before you respond.
2. Learn your triggers. If you don’t know what ticks you off, you will be surprised when someone accidentally pushes your buttons. Learn yourself. Make a list of your pet peeves. Jot down what has made your blood boil in the past. Don’t just “do.” Learn you.
3. Vent in a safe space. Please don’t say your piece at the water cooler or at work. Don’t vent on Facebook or send a mean tweet. That’s career suicide. Instead, call someone who has demonstrated over time that they hear you and understand your logic. Tell them the uncut raw truth to get it out of your body. If need be, vent on the page. Just get it out. I find that when I can get heard, I can really hear what hurt me. It’s not always what I think. Venting reveals the heart wound that is looking to be healed.
4. Get an understanding. This one can be hard to do—but it’s worth it. Put yourself in your foe’s place. Walk in their shoes to see how they could be right or justified in telling you no. Really build a case for where they are coming from. Now, if you really want to win, go and have a conversation with them, acknowledging and honoring their point of view. That’s power. That’s freedom. If you do this, you will have a client, friend, or champion for life!
5. Value-Based Choosing. Instead of making decisions based on how you feel, start making choices based on what you truly value. Make a list of your values. When you or I are in an emotional upset, we make decisions to feel better about ourselves—especially when we feel diminished. Please allow yourself to feel your feelings. Cry. Curse. Rant. (Do you boo?) But make your next move based on a value that leaves you empowered and proud of yourself.

By taking the time to do these steps, you can cash in big-time! Which one of these steps will you take on implementing this week? Why? Please share below so I can bear witness and cheer you on as you move from emotional sabotage to value-based business decision-making.

With all the love my heart can hold…

~Dr. Venus

I'd love to hear your thoughts, please leave them in the comments below or at my site here. Thank you for reading!