Stop Keeping Score

This past weekend for me was exhilarating, for the most part. I hosted an Unshakable Faith themed storytelling event. What the storytellers shared in that room was mind blowing. Add to that a new author who shared with us the "Why" behind her new book, and a soloist who sang us to tears. What an amazing day it was!

As I do after every event, I settled down later that evening and went over what went well and what did not. What really bothered me, if I am to be truthful, were the two "no shows" who had asked me to purchase their tickets and they "would take care of me when they got to the event."

It was not about the money. However, one "no show" in particular bothered me more than the other. This one had failed to show up on more than one occasion and I, at this point, was done with her as far as her keeping her word. I said to myself as I sat on my bed, "My trust in her has been destroyed."

As I laid down for the night, this was still on my mind. I had decided not to mention anything to her, but I would always be mindful of what had occurred, that day and those previously. In the middle of the night I was awakened by words spoken in my sleep so clearly, "Lose the Score!" Lose the score? What in the world could that mean? I did not have any particular dream. At least none that I could recall.

Sleep for me at that time was no more. The words "Lose the Score" had taken over my mind and my spirit. I had to figure out what was going on. What I came to realize, after some deep thinking, is that I was severely troubled by the actions of the "no shower." I was making how they behaved my problem, and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I was also feeding my ego by keeping score. Thinking about all I had done for her that had not been reciprocated. I knew better! I coached and spoke about this regularly. Immediately I put myself in check. All I was responsible for in this situation was playing my part, hosting events where compelling stories would glorify God, and help promote change and healing. Who did not show up was completely out of my control. They were not my responsibility.

Keeping score is a nasty trait that you must avoid at all costs. The only person you have the ability to change is yourself. You are not accountable for the actions of others. You can; however, make them aware of their actions, if you so choose, and how they made you feel.

Whether they change it or not is totally up to them, but you should not spend much time dwelling on someone else's negative actions. You have a purpose to carry out. Your time is valuable, and you cannot allow "self-centeredness"to become your mode of operandi. "Self-centeredness" creates mental notes of how someone else has let you down. It tracks the plus marks and minuses,without consideration of extenuating circumstances. Where, actually, is the grace and mercy in that? This does not mean you have to continuously allow others to put you in a bad situation. There are some who will intentionally attempt to derail and bring you down. Those you must steer clear of by all means.

The fact of the matter is that there were many who did show up for me at storytelling events, the last one and others in the past. Some even helped execute the plans that God wanted carried out from the beginning to the end . I had allowed my focus to drift temporarily to what I call "the dark side, but I have now regained my focus. I have demolished that mental score card I allowed to develop, knowing that as long as it existed it would only keep me miserable. That much I know for sure.

I had become self-centered in that moment and it had been called to my attention. In the midnight hours I had been convicted and forced to look within. By thinking about the insignificant, I was distracting myself from the full experience I just had. It was only when I decided to lose the score that I was able to fully bask in it totally.