Stop holding back, show up, be vulnerable

If you can’t be vulnerable in work, you’re never going to realize your full potential, you’re never going to be your true self, you’re never going to truly show up and let people see how great you are!

If I could go back in time and tell myself just one thing when I started my career? You guessed it, be vulnerable and don’t give a s*** what people think. Have the confidence in your own ability to be vulnerable. It can sound strange to say confidence and vulnerable in the same sentence, but they are interdependent on each other.

What do I mean by that? Early in my career, I felt like I had to be "right" all the time. As I reflect on it, I feel stupid about it, it's such a silly mindset to have. It holds you back so much!!! What caused it?

I feel like I had a severe case of what I call FOPO (Fear of Other Peoples Opinion) and I let it drive me. I held back from sharing my idea, asking the question, giving the presentation, because I let myself be worried about what people would think of me!

*internal dialogue*;

• don’t ask that question, everyone else knows the answer
• you'll sound like an idiot ……. that’s a stupid idea, don’t share that ….
• If you do that presentation you will say something wrong and look like an idiot, etc., etc., etc.

What does this have to do with vulnerability and confidence? Confidence for me, comes in the ability to be vulnerable. It's being OK with knowing I can be wrong and not caring what other people think about that. I think that is especially hard when you start out in your career.

How do you get over FOPO? You never do, sorry! You just learn to manage it and control the inner dialogue that drives it. Your inner dialogue runs away at these moments and starts spinning a story, usually on all the things that might go wrong and what other people will think of you because of that. Guess what? It’s a load of crap.

When it's happening, keep saying to yourself, "It's just this". They are three simple but yet very powerful words. It brings you back to the situation that is actually happening. It’s just you asking a question, nothing else. It's just you sharing your idea, nothing else. Control the dialogue …. three words …. It’s just this. Don’t let your inner dialogue BS hold you back.

I love the work of Brene Brown and highly recommend her books, Ted talks, and the recent show added to Netflix. She has helped me a lot on how I think about this and being OK to be vulnerable. A quote I love from her:

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

If you don’t get past the FOPO, you'll never be able to show up and let others see how truly great you are. Remember it will never go away, you'll always have them moments, but you can control it and truly show up.

Thanks for reading and making it this far. I hope something in here was useful for you, would love to hear your questions / comments below.