Stop fear from stopping YOU!

Today, I want to share a reflection on my fears and how I face them, based on my personal experience from being on Married at First Sight, the most watched TV show in Australia.

I’ve been asked so many times, “Do you have any regrets about being on MAFS, Richard?”, because people know that it’s a tough gig. And yeah, signing up and committing to being a participant on MAFS was a scary thing for me to do. And that’s a big reason why I did it.??

How fear keeps us in the comfort zone?

My Real YOU workshop challenges people to get out of their comfort zone and start thriving in life. And the thing that keeps people in their comfort zone – playing small, settling, majoring in minor things – is their fear.

Fear is an essential survival mechanism. It’s a warning signal when there is danger, and so it keeps us safe and prevents us from doing things that might harm us.

However, when our lives are not in danger, fear is nothing more than a handbrake that’s holds us back and stops us from living to our full human potential. It stops us from thriving.

The fears that hold us back

We’re afraid of standing out, being ridiculed, being rejected, being unpopular, looking stupid, being the bad guy, losing control, failing, and criticism. I experienced all these fears on MAFS, and it was tough.

Instead of taking that chance and having a go, we avoid new experiences, don’t take risks, settle for second best, and stop standing up for what we believe in. We give up our dreams and the experience of being alive.

I’m not suggesting that you can conquer or overcome your fears, because you can’t. You’ll never conquer fear because it’s literally hardwired into your reptilian brain. As Mark Twain said, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it”. Here are some ways in which you can live with your fears.?

Own your fear

The way to overcome fear is by facing it and taking it head on. If you try and hide your fears by pretending they don’t exist, and walk around wearing a fake confidence mask, you will be filled with more fear than ever – it’s just a house of cards waiting to collapse?

Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman, has a fear of bats (known as chiroptophobi). It was derived from a childhood episode in which he fell down a deep well while bats flew around him. And that’s why Bruce Wayne became Batman: to face his fears.

If you own and admit to your fears the “power” they have over you will start to dissipate, and you will grow stronger. I could have said “no” to MAFS and cruised along in survival (self-protection) mode. But I didn’t, and I am stronger and wiser for the experience.

Stop procrastinating, and act.?

Procrastination promotes fear. When you’re afraid, thinking is your enemy. Back yourself, just do what you think is best, and do it quickly. If you’re in a situation where you’re not sure what to do, and you’re afraid of stuffing things up, just act like you know what to do. To think confidently, act confidently. Just do it!

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Strike up a conversation with a stranger. Volunteer for a task at work that you find intimidating or challenging. Pick up a hitchhiker. Tell your friend how you really feel about her. Dance in public. Go to a restaurant on your own. Recent MIT research indicates that when you start doing the thing you're afraid of, your fear fades away.

F-E-A-R is an acronym that has two possible meanings. Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. Choose the latter and stop fear from stopping YOU!