Stop Doubting, Start Leading

As women, if our bra straps show unexpectedly at work, it can make us uncomfortable, and we fidget with our clothes until the straps are properly hidden. We shield the screens on our devices with our hands to keep colleagues from noticing that overdraft notice the bank just pinged us about. These types of “exposures” can be easily hidden. But when our confidence gaps are exposed, for some reason, we think other people can’t see them or aren’t aware of them. Wrong!

According to NBC News Better for Today, “Low self-esteem is problematic for a variety of reasons, but one of the biggest issues is that it can be quite conspicuous.” And yet, unlike the proverbial exposed bra strap or barren bank account, we don’t always act as quickly as we could or should to correct it, which is unfortunate because confidence, or a lack thereof, can make or break you professionally. When wolves see prey, it’s their natural instinct to act on it.?Don’t think for one minute that doesn’t happen inside your corporate corridors.

there’s a belief that low self-esteem goes hand in hand with incompetence and apathy.

NBC News continues by pointing out, “People notice low self-esteem right away, and unfortunately, coworkers, bosses, customers and clients make negative assumptions about people who exhibit behaviors of low self-esteem. For some reason, there’s a belief that low self-esteem goes hand in hand with incompetence and apathy.”

So, what’s a Black woman to do when her confidence gap is showing?

Let’s start with improving your self-talk.

You have the job you have and are in the meetings you’ve been invited to because you were HIRED. Your company went through a lot of time and expense to bring you on board. This means you didn't get there by happenstance. You belong there. So be careful how you show up once you have your seat at the table because you can effectively remove yourself from a meeting while still being present in the room.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Each morning, while brushing your teeth or even immediately prior to a meeting with your colleagues, find a mirror. Look into it and pump yourself up with one of the gazillion self-empowering Destiny’s Child’s songs from the late 1990s and 2000s. Or repeat Bible verses your Sunday school teacher made you memorize for Easter when you were in second grade: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Work-related affirmations are also helpful. “My voice is worthy of being heard in meetings” is one I recited quite regularly when I was often The Only in a room full of colleagues who didn’t look like me.

Remind yourself that you deserved that promotion, not your co-worker who’s in his office or cubicle on personal calls all day. Instead of listing reasons why you don’t belong there, try changing your inner-self talk channel and come up with at least ten facts that support why you should be there.

Your brain believes what you tell it, and it can’t distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. So repetition is key. According to Healthline.com, “Practicing affirmations can activate the reward system in your brain, which can have an impact on the way you experience both emotional and physical pain.”

Identify the source of worry, then set out to eliminate it.

• For heaven’s sake, at the very least, GOOGLE solutions! I promise that you are not the first person to be faced with whatever dilemma you may be facing. Surely, someone has YouTubed, blogged, tweeted or podcasted about it.
• Call up an expert and learn more about how others overcame similar obstacles. Informational interviews are great for this.
• If a skill set you feel you lack makes you tremble in inadequacy, identify what professional development might be appropriate.
• Take a course to shore up a skill. Since Coursera.com arrived on the scene and with thousands of LinkedIn learnings at your fingertips, there’s no excuse for not rendering your knowledge gaps a thing of the past.
• Hire a coach and be held accountable for the actions you take toward rectifying your confidence deficiency. Use this link to schedule a complimentary discovery session with me. I’d be happy to chat with you about it.

Move into leadership mode.

Now that you've tackled what’s been chipping away at your confidence and faced what's been holding you back use these four tactics to lead with the boldness you've been hiding.

• Own the Room When You Walk In: The next time you step into a meeting or give a presentation, walk in like you belong there. Make eye contact, speak up with authority, and carry yourself with confidence. Your presence alone can shift the energy in the room and show everyone that you’re a leader who means business.
• Don’t Be Afraid to Shake Things Up: If something doesn’t seem right or you have a fresh idea, speak up! Confident leaders aren’t afraid to question the status quo and suggest new ways of doing things. When you challenge the norm, you show that you’re not just going along to get along—you’re here to make things better.
• Trust Your Team and Delegate: It’s tempting to try and do everything yourself, but confident leaders know the power of delegation. By trusting others with important tasks, you not only lighten your load but also show that you believe in their abilities. Plus, it frees you up to focus on the bigger picture.
• Tackle Tough Conversations Head-On: We all dread difficult conversations, but confident leaders face them with grace and clarity. Whether it’s negotiating for what you deserve, giving constructive feedback, or standing up for your ideas, approaching these moments with confidence shows that you’re not afraid to handle whatever comes your way.

Recognize that how you self-correct is bigger than just you.

Look, you got where you are because of the quality of your work, or you knew the right people, or you just happened to be at the right place at the right time. As Black women, fair or not, we carry on our shoulders the generations coming behind us. We never know who is watching us or being liberated because of our actions. So if you can’t get your confidence act together for yourself, do it for our baby girls who are watching you. They see how you react to stressful situations, and they see how you respond in the biggest of moments.?Our baby boys are watching, too. The characteristics that you show could likely be the very things that they seek in women as they begin to mature.

Remember this: it's okay to be afraid. But you owe it to yourself to try to conquer whatever confidence gremlins are threatening havoc on your career. Although I’m not always an advocate of the “never let them see you sweat” philosophy, I do think not showing all of your confidence worries all of the time could be beneficial to your career.

Level Up with Grace is an award-winning newsletter created and designed for African-American women in corporate America (and others) who want to unapologetically create and maintain a stellar career. Executive coach Cheryl Grace shares a curated collection of insights, strategies, and tactics on change management, conflict resolution, and professional development to help women excel and advance to their next level, regardless of where they are in their career journey. Please subscribe and share!

Powerful Penny LLC is a holistic leadership development company specializing in executive coaching, change management, and conflict resolution. We work with corporations seeking to promote, retain, and support diverse talent and diverse professionals seeking to advance to their next level of career success. Our professional development services, coaching programs, and speaking/workshop series are fully customizable. Discover how we can help you achieve your desired long-term results!

Well-timed conversations can often help clear pathways for much-needed change in organizations. Our Candidly Courageous Conversations (C3) are designed with senior-level executives, managers, and associates in mind. Book Cheryl Grace to facilitate an enlightening workshop, lead a breakout session, deliver the keynote address at your conference, or as a guest speaker at your employee resource group (ERG)'s next event. Learn more here.

Shutterstock Stock Images often illustrated by the fabulously talented Natalia Hubbert.